The Doctor Is In
by Doc4
Summary: A collection of fics that got started but never finished or even published. Up for adoption if you're REALLY persuasive.
1. Armoured Halloween

Okay, so my old pal Joshua put two of my ideas he had kicking around his harddrive up in an unsubtle attempt to get me writing again. He then sugested that maybe I should give that a go, put some ideas up in a collection. Now, these can be up for adoption if you're very persuasive, but for the most part I'm just clearing out hte attic. With that in mind, ladies and gentlemen, The Doctor Is In! XD

This first one was an idea I wanted to do something with, but never got around to it. Basically, the Scooby Trio are given armoured suits for That Halloween which, of course, hang around afterwards. Enjoy.

Dislaimer: I don't own it. Nintendo, Microsoft, Games Workshop, Mutant Enemy and probably a bunch of others do. I'm just doing this for teh lulz. XD

* * *

Buffy growled as she looked at the slip of paper in her hand. She really, really hated Snyder, and whoever's idea for a costume this was wasn't exactly on her happy list either.

_Damn Snyder and his 'good' ideas,_ the Slayer thought, grinding her teeth as she thought back to his announcement. The idea was simplicity in itself; a select group of student had written ideas down on scraps of paper for the 'volunteers' (or as Buffy preferred, conscripted) for Snyder's Halloween escort program. Buffy had been praying to whatever deities watched over Slayers that she got a decent costume.

Instead she got someone called 'Samus Aram'. The name almost gave Xander an aneurysm, or at the very least a seizure, as he explained the character as some kind of super bounty hunter from a video game series. One that wore some incredibly powerful armour, and with Party Town all sold out, Buffy was left to go to some new place where Xander had gotten his (unnamed) costume with her other best bud Willow in tow with her own scrap of paper in hand.

"I don't even know who this is," Buffy muttered. "At least you have some clue, Wills," the redhead blushed slightly.

"Well, i-it's Xander and Jessy's fault," Willow said. "They got me into the game."

"Well, yeah, like I said, lucky you," Buffy repeated as the entered the costume shop simply called 'Ethan's'. "You know what an 'Imperial Inquisitor from Warhammer 40,000' is. I have no idea who Samus Aran is."

"Um..." Willo began then pointed to the left of the entrance. Buffy followed her gesture with her eyes.

There in a large glass case stood a red and yellow armour, fully encasing the manikin it was displayed on, with a green visor and green stump on the left hand Buffy supposed was some kind of weapon.

"Um... wow," Buffy said in a small amount of awe. "Are we... sure this is supposed to be female?"

"Oh, very much so," an English voice assured from behind. Buffy span, fists clenched while Willow jumped behind her. The owner of the voice raised an eyebrow. "You know, I'm beginning to see what the lad meant about sneaking up on people in this town. Are you all so jumpy?"

"Only the smart ones," Buffy muttered, relaxing slightly. "You are...?"

"Oh, of course, forgive me. I'm Ethan, owner and proprietor of this delightful little store," the man said with a bow. "From the descriptions your friend Xander gave me, you two would be Buffy and Willow, I presume?"

"Xander said we were coming?" Willow asked timidly.

"Oh yes," Ethan said. "He was nice enough to ask me to put some things aside for the two of you, since he knew your costumes and that Party Town was sold out," he confirmed. "Good news for me, business wise."

"Some people get all the luck," Buffy said wryly. "So, what did he reserve and what's it going to cost me?"

"Cost is no option at all, my girl, I have a little deal with a local philanthropist," Ethan told her. "All I have to do is give costumes to those taking part in the escort program tonight and I will be fully reimbursed."

"That's... rather good willed of them," Buffy said suspiciously. Ethan gave a small chuckle.

"Ah, a cautious young lady," he noted. "Perfectly understandable I was a bit concerned myself. Apparently he was looking for a nice big tax write off and a donation of this size was just what he needed."

"Well, isn't that nice of him," Buffy nodded, eyeing the man carefully. Something was making her edgy about that story. "So, what exactly did Xander ask you to hold for us?"

"Well, the 'Varia Suit' you see in that case for one," He said. "And some props I got shipped in from England based on some table top game he said young Willow's character is from. He said she would know what was needed."

"Um, yeah," Willow said, looking at Buffy for a moment. "Where...?"

"A box out the back. I'll go get it for you," Ethan said. "And something for your costume my dear. I do hope you two enjoy the night. It will be... something special."

* * *

_That night  
High school_

The sight of the three armoured figures walking into the school was, truly, a sight to behold. Nobody tried to stop them, nobody got in there faces. Xander just grinned behind the polarised visor at Larry as he walked past. Even Buffy had to admit they had a pretty decent reception. Even Snyder looked a little intimidated as he sent them to their separate groups.

Maybe this night wasn't going to be so bad after all.


	2. Arkham's Slayer, Batman's Headache

So, next on the list, Joshua posted what he had of this... but he didn't have it all. So, I'm slapping it up here. Buffy Summers, student of... the Arkham In-mates? Oh... balls.

Disclaimer: don't own it. DC and Joss bother them for a crossover. XD

* * *

It had seemed like a good idea at the time, to her parents at least. An offer from one of the premier mental institutes in the country. Surely they could help her with her 'problem'. I mean, seeing vampires and demons wasn't normal, she had to be crazy.

Right?

And so, Buffy Summers, the Vampire Slayer, gifted with strength and reflexes beyond the norm, as well as instinctive combat abilities and precognitive dreams (not that they ever gave her a chance to prove all that) found herself shipped off to Arkham Asylum 'for her own good'.

But she wasn't insane. At least, she wasn't insane when she got there.

Then she met her fellow inmates.

It hadn't been her idea, her psychiatrist asked her for proof. So she'd torn the arm off the metal chair and bent it into a pretzel. The guy had panicked and before she could say 'he asked for it', she was shipped into the maximum security ward, sharing her time with big time 'super villains' like Poison Ivy, Clayface and Two Face. Admittedly, for the most part they didn't seem too bad. Sure, they were completely twisted and deranged, but they seemed to be awful accepting of her claims of destiny and vampire. Ivy had even jumped to her defence, saying the plants 'recognised the Planets true Guardian' or something. Two Face had taken her further education to be his responsibility and, between him and Ivy, kept her at high school level in general topics like maths and English, as well as giving her working knowledge of law and botany. Other members of the population had gotten involved and soon she had basic education in psychology, engineering and even some knowledge of mind control techniques (thanks, Jervis, not sure how that will help...).

All this attention, of course, had earned her some unwanted and unneeded attention. Not from the Warden or the guards. No, from Gotham's resident 'Dark Knight'.

Batman.

He'd been intrigued and a little wary when he'd heard about the unofficial adoption between Buffy and the inmates of Arkham and decided to check thing out himself. He was abrupt, brutal and had left her shaking afterwards with his accusations and demands. He'd left with a head full of unwanted knowledge about vampires and Slayers he was going to ask his allies in the mystical community about, but no further understanding about why the most vicious member of Gotham society had gravitated to this girl. Her new 'family' had likewise been upset about her treatment Killer Croc had offered to tear his arms off.

Buffy thought that was rather sweet of him. The thought that she found a promise of violence and mutilation on her behalf sweet made her wonder if maybe she'd been here too long.

The Council of Watchers (and boy, was she surprised – and a little peeved – to find out there was a council of these guys) obviously agreed, sending an assassin to eliminate her and allow a new Slayer to be called. This attempt caused a little bit of chaos in the ward, a lot of mad crazy people, which was never a good thing. But a lot of it calmed to concern over the one that saved her life.

"So, YOU'RE the one everyone's fallen in love with," the smooth yet rough, high pitched yet low, insane yet intelligent tones of the Joker said as he stepped away from the assassin, laying in a pool of his own fluids as he giggled happily into oblivion. "And with an assassin already out to kill you? Who'd you piss off, girly?" So she told him the story all of her 'teachers' knew. "Vampires and demons? Slayers and destiny? Sounds impossible. Insane! Why, that sort of darkness would surely swallow the world!" The Joker wrapped an arm around her shoulder as he led her away from her would be murderer. "Sounds like my kind of party. Tell me more!"

Laughter and giggles had filled the halls for a while after that as the Joker taught the Slayer (as they all called her. No one used their 'true' names in this place, after all) everything he could to add onto the insane ideas, theories and techniques she'd already learned.

By the time she'd left, 7 months after being committed, her release pushed forward by the Council who decided it would be easier to kill her on the field, she was far closer to insane than she had been when she'd been locked away. Her mother, who had won custody of her during the divorce and had demanded she be released, had taken her to a small, peaceful town far from Gotham and the hell hole her daughter had come to think of as more of a home than anything her parents had provided for her and the family she'd made.

A town called Sunnydale.

It's a good thing sanity was optional.

* * *

_First Day at Sunnydale High_

Buffy giggled as her arrival caused a boy, distracted by her tight jeans and low cut white blouse, to crash his skateboard, sending him careening into one of the gardens. She made a mental note to check the plants later. _Ivy rubbed off on me. Not a bad thing,_ she thought idly as she made her way to the office, making sure to give the poor boy a wink for his attention, which distracted him enough to cause him to run into a cheerleader.

She could tell, this place was going to fun.

Her meeting with the principle went as expected, he baulked at her burning down the gym at the last school, he nodded at her time in Arkham, obviously considering that time to have 'cured' her or else she wouldn't be here.

She had to suppress a giggle at that one. Someone come out of Arkham Max Sec, or the Fun House as Joker called it, sane? Who was he kidding?

Then again, she'd giggled a lot since the Joker had shown her the ropes. He must have rubbed off on her more than she thought, too. Or he'd snuck some of his happy gas into her at some point. Either or, didn't really bother her.

Flutie, the principle, had given her a list of books for her classes and sent her to the Library, where she'd met a stiff upper lip, straight backed and, quite honestly, _boring_ British Librarian who turned out to be her new Watcher.

Well, THIS guy was going to be fun. She wondered how long it would take to turn him into a giggling, drooling mess on the Library floor.

Given his total disconnection to reality, she was betting six months. Tops.

Lunch was pretty much as expected. She sat at a table and everyone avoided her. Apparently someone had spilt the beans about her stay at Arkham. Maybe she should get some of the … dresses Ivy sent her out of storage. That should make her popular. And give her targets in the girls that thought she was too good looking. Could be fun. She'd spent most of it by the garden the boy had fallen into, making sure he hadn't crushed any of the plants. Ivy had shown her different plants, how to tell each species from another, but these plants didn't match any of them. If she didn't know better, she'd think Ivy had been here.

They were alive. And they liked her.

Something didn't add up. She decided to bring it up with Watcher guy, over hearing on the way about a dead guy in a locker with no blood left. A small, wicked grin spread over her face.

Time to test some of her new toys. Right after asking Watcher Guy about the mutant plants. And a letter to Ivy about them.

That night, outside the Bronze, Willow, Jessie and Xander watched in shock as their three 'dates' turned into dust. On the roof top across from them, Buffy grinned as she slipped her miniature crossbow back into her bag and moved off, silently thanking Deadshot for his lessons n marksmanship.

_Arkham Asylum  
2 weeks later_

"You wanted to see me, Warden?" Warden Sharp jumped a bit, looking at Batman standing near the window.

"Do you HAVE to do that?" The Warden muttered. Batman stood emotionless as the Warden picked up a piece of paper and handing it to him. "As you know, we monitor all of the inmates mail. This arrived for Ivy. We passed on the original, to gauge her reaction."

"And?" Batman asked, taking the letter and reading silently to himself.

_Hey Ivy!_

_Just dropping a line, making sure you haven't wilted yet. They really need to get you some sun-lights or something for your cell. Did you land that guard yet? Whatisname, Cling? Clean? Gah, you know who I'm talking about, right? The one with the nice arms._

_Anyway, I wanted to ask you something: you ever been by Sunnydale before? 'Cause it's really, really weird, but the plants are alive. Every single one. Not mutated or anything, just... alive. They have their own life force, they don't match any existing genus (I checked every resource you showed me. Even the less legal ones) and they really, really like me. It was kind of hard to explain walking through the park and EVERY FREAKING TREE bends over so I'm walking in shade. I think it might be because this one guy bungled his way into a garden at school (though that MAY have been the fault of my clothes) and I checked up to make sure he hadn't damaged anything, but it might be that OTHER thing I told you guys about too. Wise Old British Guy blubbered something about a Hellmouth and said he'd look into it, buuuuuuuut I thought I'd go to the expert. Any ideas, hun, 'cause I'm stumped. Let me know ASAP._

_Love and kisses to all my favourite psychos (except Zasz. Freak)_

_Buffy_

Batman grunted as he read it before looking at the Warden. "Any reaction from Ivy?"

"Surprise," Sharp said. "I get the feeling she had no idea what the girl was talking about," he didn't say anything about the mention of a Hellmouth. Batman had brought Dr Fate to explain to him about Slayers and demons after Buffy's mother had demanded the girls release. A letter from a group in England had also provided him all the proof he wanted or needed. The girl wouldn't be spending any more time in Arkham. Unless of course, her first stay damaged her beyond repair, though there was no real proof of that just yet, aside from how easily she seemed to toss around Ivy's nature and what she'd learned while inside.

"Which means Ivy's never been to Sunnydale," Batman said. "Which also means someone else is playing in Ivy's greenhouse, or these plants are a natural – or supernatural – mutation."

"I don't think I'm happy with either idea," Sharp said, turning away for a moment to pick up his cup of tea. "Do you have any ideas Bat..." he turned back to see the Batman had already left. The Warden blinked before returning to his desk, muttering about 'damn vigilantes'.

* * *

_The Batmobile  
Leaving Arkham_

"Oracle, give me everything you can on Sunnydale, California," Batman ordered as the Batmobile sped back to Gotham City.

_'Problem, Bruce?'_ Barbara Gordan, the enigmatic information hub known as Oracle, asked as her fingers began tapping at her keyboard.

"Maybe," Batman told her about the letter and it's contents. "This might not be up our alley, but..."

_'You don't trust the girl,'_ Barbara finished for him. _'Considering her 'teachers', I don't blame you. Alright, Sunnydale... huh, that's odd?'_

"What is it?"

_'I can give you it's founding, who it's Mayor is, but anything is seems to be restricted, and not by any government agency I'm aware of either,'_ Barbara informed him. Batman growled slightly. This case just got more interesting. _'Alright, whoever did this security did it back when computers were first made. I'm in... Holy...'_

"What's wrong?"

_'This place... it's hell, pure and simple. It's death rate equals Gotham easily, but there's no report of anyone that would stick out as a super villain. Just reports of gang activity and the highest rate of PCP usage in the country. And... barbecue fork stabbings?'_

"Let me guess, two pin prick wounds on the side of the neck with all the blood gone."

_'Got it in one,"_ Barbara said. _'Which would explain the amount of churches and cemeteries... Bruce, this place is insane. And the weirdest thing? There have only been three mayors: Richard Wilkins the First, Second and Third, and they all look exactly the same. There's been no record of an election either.'_

"I think it's time to have a look at this first hand," Batman said.

_'Planning a trip to LA?'_

"Not for myself," he said, cutting the communication as he prepared for another call. "Call Nightwing."

* * *

_Iceberg Lounge  
Same time_

"Cobblepot here."

_'PENGY!' _Oswald Cobblepot, largely more well known as the Penguin, semi-retired criminal (with a little bit of fencing on the side to help support his lounge of course) pulled the phone from his ear slightly.

"Slayer, what the devil are you doing calling me?" He snapped. He liked the girl he'd been introduced to on one of his 'supply runs' to Arkham (as a favour to the Warden, he supplied the food for the more... special needs patients, since he knew what most of them ate). Harley had introduced the delightfully intelligent child to him and he found himself, like most of his erstwhile colleagues, slowly gravitating towards the pint-sized titan (for lack of a better term), to the point of supplying her with magazines and the odd blade she kept as a 'security blanket' til the guards found it and took it away. Honestly, she was worse than Zasz sometimes.

_'Oh, you know, I missed my birdman,'_ Slayer responded. He could hear the smile and near laughter in her voice. Honestly, the girl spent too much time with that freak Joker. _'Actually, I was hoping you could help me with a few things.'_

"Oh, of course my dear," he said, his voice becoming smooth and inviting. "For a price, of course."

_'Vampires don't have a lot of need for money. After I dust them, anyway,'_ she said. He could hear the sadistic grin on her face. He really did like the girl, but sometimes, she freaked him out. _'I've managed to collect around $2000 in cash and various other trinkets, watches, jewellery, this really neat dagger I'm not selling, but a weird ass disc that I'm willing to let go. Jewel encrusted, Giles had a heart attack when he saw it and demanded I get it off the Hellmouth. I figure you could melt it down for something. Or it would make a nice paper weight.'_

"Only you would suggest using an item that scares someone dealing in the supernatural as a paperweight," Oswald said, shaking his head.

_'But it's really shiny. It'd go nice with your hat,'_ she said. He could hear her pouting.

"What exactly do you need?" He asked. Buffy listed off some lab equipment that sounded like stuff Ivy would ask for, chemicals Joker or Scarecrow would usually use in their concoctions and some weapons that definitely weren't legal. "That's quite a list, my dear. Are you sure you can afford it?"

_'By the time you get here, yes,'_ she said confidently. _'I'm gonna raid one of the mausoleum's that have Watcher guy unsure. He says their might be some valuable artefacts. I might find you a pretty trinket or twenty.'_

"I'm looking forward to it," Oswald said. The two said their goodbyes and hung up, leaving him to organise for his little trip.

* * *

_One week later_

Oswald waddled into the school, well after hours, with a small gym bag full of some weapons that Buffy had asked for and two of his bodyguards behind him. The girl said she'd be waiting in the library with her Watcher and a large number of trinkets and doohickeys he wanted out of Sunnydale that looked like they could be worth something. Given the girls eye for precious stones (she'd sent him some rather nice items she'd 'picked up' from a visit with her 'father' that ended up being worth quite a bit more than she'd thought), he was quite looking forward to it.

To say Rupert Giles was less than happy with his Slayer's idea of getting rid of said doohickeys was like saying the sky was blue. Handing them over to a supposedly reformed criminal like the Penguin didn't sit well with him, though he had to admit it did make sense. The Penguin had promised to have them melted down, given his word of honour, even offered to let Giles watch. The Watcher wasn't all that sure they could trust him, but Buffy seemed to be sure it was alright.

"Hi, Pengy!" Buffy yelled as said individual walked into the Library, running over to hug him tightly. Giles couldn't quite understand how all this so-called 'super villains' had gravitated to her, or why, but much of what they had taught her were quite interesting and useful, he was forced to admit. "You bring the stuff?"

"This is but a sample, my dear," was the answer as the bag was dropped onto the table. Giles looked on curiously as Penguin began emptying the bag. "One collapsible compound bow. 200 hundred arrow head fixtures with hollowed out capsules and an auto release on the tips..."

"What, exactly is that for?" Giles asked Buffy just gave him that slightly scary smile as she picked up the box containing the arrow head.

"Ever wonder what would happen if you introduce holy water directly to a vampires heart?" she asked innocently. "I did!"

"Oh, I... good Lord," he muttered. That was just... devastating. A capsule release system like that would make several non-lethal weapons to vampires extremely lethal!

"One wakazashi, blessed and carved with crucifixes down the blade," Penguin continued.

"Shiny!" Buffy cooed, picking up the blade gently.

"And finally a copy of _Zelcario's Grimorum Necronomicon, _unabridged in it's original Latin," he finished putting the book in front of the salivating Watcher. "And you have NO idea how much that cost or how hard it was to find."

"Where DID you find it?" Giles asked in shock. That book was supposed to be lost. How did Buffy even know about it?

"You talk in you sleep after all nighters," Buffy answered his unasked question.

"As to where I found it..." Penguin began, shrugging. "AuctionWeb, fascinating little site. I bought myself some shares not long ago, I have a feeling it's going to take off rather shortly," Giles was forced to blink at that. What?

"Internet, Giles," Buffy explained. "That dreaded computer thing you avoid like the plague?"

"As amusing as his technological ineptitude is," Penguin stated. "I don't do this for free. You know that Slayer."

"Yup, I know," Buffy nodded, reaching under the table. "And I'd never drag you from Gotham without paying, Pengy. Bad business," she dumped to large, full bags on the table. She unzipped one and pulled out a wad of cash. "Vamps in Sunnydale don't just deal in blood and death, apparently."

"Yes, I was, uh, quite surprised to discover they were doing a rather decent drug trade," Giles field in. "We raided some nests to discover their labs, which Buffy destroyed, and a large sum of money, which we... acquired."

"And there's also lots of golden goodies that need melting," Buffy said, reaching into the bag and pulling out a large golden disk, inset with rubies. Penguin's eye went wide in shock.

"WAK!" he quacked. The muscle behind him just looked on, eyes gleaming in greed.

"We like this girl, Mr Cobblepot," one said.

"She gets good stuff."

"That she does, boys, that she does," Penguin nodded, reaching to look through both bags. The girl was rich and didn't know it. She had a knack about this, that was for sure. "This is worth far more than what you ordered, Slayer, but I think I can help you make something extra and, of course, make sure the money is clean as a whistle. For a fee, of course."

"Of course," Buffy nodded in agreement. "Wouldn't want to cheat you out of your hard earned cash, Pengy."

"I'm glad you understand. Perhaps a nice place for you to use as your base of operations would be order. Something more suitable then..." he looked around at the library, wrinkling his pointed nose.

"Oh, my very own Batcave!" Buffy squealed in delight. "That'd just piss Pointy Ears off."

"Is that... wise?" Giles asked. Buffy shrugged.

"Not like we're doing anything illegal," she said. "Besides, Croc still promises he'll rip his arms off if he tries anything."

"I don't know how you can get along with him" Penguin said in disgust. "He's so... crude."

"The guys I usually deal with are just as bad," Buffy retorted. "And Croc can be sweet once you get to know him. He bit a guys ear off because he was giving me a bad look."

"Good Lord..."

"I have neat friends," Buffy said seriously. "All the guys at Arkham are a lot sweeter than most people think," her face crinkled up in an almost cute manner. "Except for that freak Zasz. I swear, one more freaky comment about my mom and I woulda put him in traction. Again. After ripping off his ba..."

"Good heavens!" Giles managed to choke out.

"You have your hands full with this one, Mr Giles," Penguin said, pulling out his card. "If you ever need anything else, or you're in Gotham, give me a call. Slayer's done good by me and my erstwhile colleagues, and we try to do good by her."

"Er, yes, thank you, Mr...Cobblepot," Giles said, taking the card. It seemed the Penguin would be a better source of equipment than the Council. For a fee, of course.

"So, Giles," Buffy asked, holding her new compound bow, fully extended. "About this Harvest you got info on..."

* * *

_Next Night_

Angel waited by the Bronze, hoping the Watcher at the school had gotten the info he'd snuck through to him. He'd hoped to hand it directly to Buffy but things didn't go quite to plan. He hadn't seen the Slayer since she'd moved into Sunnydale. He knew she'd been working, he'd heard all about the nests and mausoleums she'd been raiding and Sunnydale's drug market now had several holes in it. He just hadn't actually _seen_ her out there. So now he was left with waiting in the shadows and hoping she got the message and appeared to stop the Harvest or else he would have to step in.

His first sign something was happening was a sudden out pouring of singed and burned vampires as the door burst open. He'd seen that type of damage before. Holy Water. _But how the hell had she deployed it in such large amounts, _he thought as he watched his own sire, Darla, run past him without a second thought, screaming in pain.

* * *

_Inside  
In the rafters_

Buffy grinned as Giles turned on the sprinklers, sending blessed water down onto the vampires below. The Watcher now owed her $20. Serves him right for not thinking that would work. Honestly, she had no idea why no one had tried blessing fire sprinkler systems before, it made such a lovely mess of all the vampires below, and she really did like the smell of burning, undead flesh in the evening.

Blame Fire Fly for that.

Looking on the main stage, she saw a rather large, burly vampire with a strange symbol on his forehead, trying to grab escaping victims' whilst trying to keep out of the water.

Buffy put him out of his misery with a holy water arrow threw the symbol. His dust was soon mixing with holy water and steaming rather nicely in her mind.

What she failed to realise was that there had been witnesses.

* * *

_Next day  
High school_

Buffy was skipping down the hall with a smile on her face, wearing a white skirt ending just above her knees and a silk blouse that had been a present from Penguin before heading back to Gotham and sandals. Her blonde hair was in two pony tails and she had a lollypop hanging from her mouth. She grinned and waved at Principal Flutie, who smiled back at the seemingly always happy girl. Buffy idly wondered when that dye prank she'd planted in Cordelia's locker last night would...

PAFF!

"My shirt!"

_Bingo._ Buffy thought, cackling as she walked happily into the Library.

"Clean up in the south hallway," Buffy giggled as she walked in. "someone had a little..." she stopped short as the doors closed behind her, seeing Giles arguing with the guy that had almost crushed the poor plants outside on her first day, along with one of his friends. The cute red head was sitting to one side, watching on timidly.

"Look, just tell us what's going on," the plant wrecker said. "Or..."

"We'll tell!" His friend shouted triumphantly. Oh this had to end right now.

"Tell?" she said, getting the attention of all involved. She was still grinning, but her voice and look had taken on a far more malevolent edge. "Tell what? 'Oh, we were in a club where people burnt when they were hit with water from a sprinkler and this one guy turned to dust'," her voice had taken on a fake, deep yet still childish tone as she did that while she mimed an innocent look. "Ha! Get real, nimrod. Been there, done that. What do you think got me landed in Arkham?"

"We just wanna..." the obvious ringleader began.

"Help?" Buffy completed, breaking into peals of laughter. "You? Look at you! What could you possibly do to help?"

"I..."

"Really," she sneered, still smiling. "The only one of you three that I'd even consider bringing in is little miss brainiac over there," said red head eeped, trying to sink into her chair. "And only because she's smart enough to help Giles with the books. You two," she snorted, looking them over. "I'd have to put you through the most rigorous preparations in existence before I'd consider you even halfway prepared for what I have to face out there!"

"You can do it," the offsider said. "It can't be that har..." he suddenly found himself being held above Buffy's head in one hand, Buffy still smiling at him.

"Slayer," she said simply. "I'm enhanced. And I've had some help and training from the psychos, weirdoes and crackpots at Arkham Asylum. Me, I come pre-prepared in a handy little package. You three would have been turned on my first night here if I hadn't taken your 'dates' out. You are worthless to me," she was still smiling as she dropped him and breezed past them to stand next to Giles. "So I suggest you leave. Now," the grin became even more maniacal as she turned around and for the briefest of moments everyone there thought the Joker had entered the room. "Before I show you exactly what you'd be messing with out there."

The two boys fled, leaving their red headed friend staring wide eyed as Buffy's smile turned much more friendly.

"Wow, what a couple of dumbasses," Buffy said conversationally. "Why do you bother with them?

"W-well, we've been friends since kindergarten," she answered shyly. "And well... they don't always think. They need someone to keep them out of trouble."

"Yeah, I can see that," Buffy said with a grin. "You'd better go do that. We got some stuff I need to talk to Giles about."

"Oh. Oh! Right, I'll, um..." Willow said and scooting quickly out of the room. Buffy gave a giggle.

"They'll tell? What are they five?" she whispered. "Maybe someone needs to teach them a lesson..."

"Buffy," Giles said sternly. "You can't leave them out for the vampires to find," it rather frightened him that he could read her that well so quickly, he thought as she pouted at him.

"But Giiiiiiles," she said petulantly. "They'll just keep trying to get in the way. They're stupid. Like Bats and his short-shorts brigade."

"Be that as it may," Giles lectured. "They are still innocents and we can't just feed them to the vampires."

"Oh, okay," she continued to pout before her face spread into a wide scary grin. Giles had a bad feeling about this. "Can I scare them a little?"

"Well, I suppose you ca... Wait, what are you planning?" Buffy just smiled at him, thinking of the chemicals she had from the Penguin.

"Trust me Giles, it won't hurt them. Oh and Pengy has the house. Place on Crawford, nice big basement for a lab."

"...Oh Dear Lord..."

* * *

_Same time_

The janitor sighed as he slid his mop over the mess caused by the exploding dye trap someone had left for the Chase girl. It was a trap he was familiar with, which told him exactly who had pulled it.

After all, Joker had used something similar numerous times. There was only one person who could have...

"...elling you, we should still try and help!"

"Dude, you heard her. We'd be dead or worse in seconds."

"So we go downtown, grab a couple of karate classes..." the janitor snorted in disgust as the duo breezed pass, a petite red head following not long after in a hurry. He shook his head. Kids. Still, if she was gaining a fan club...

Maybe it was time to introduce himself.

Bruce was SO going to owe him for this.

* * *

_One week Later  
Streets of Sunnydale_

"Oh come ON!" Buffy complained. "I've got this shiny new sword and no vampies want to play? No fair," She pouted childishly. "I just wanna blow some steam before I deal with Dumb and Dumber, is that wrong?"

"Would depend on what you were going to do," a deep voice asked from above her.

"Bat Clan?" She asked, looking up. A pretty smile spread across her face. "Helloooooooo, salty goodness. You're cute."

"And here I thought Batman attracted all the crazies," Nightwing muttered, rolling his eyes behind the lenses of his mask. "Aren't I a little old?"

"Psh, you kidding me, on a scale of 1-10, you're up there with Bats as Arkham's Preferred Hero to Corrupt and Seduce," Buffy informed him. "There was even a calender and everything. I got two copies."

"Do I even want to know where the photos for a calender came from?" He asked carefully.

"Catwoman," Buffy said simply, before pouting again. "She just never had any without the masks. I really wanted to see if the face matched the body," _Note to self,_ Nightwing thought. _Check Selena for a camera next time I see her. _"Well, anyways, you being here begs the question," she tapped her chin thoughtfully. "What's Bird Boy Sr doing in my happy little hamlet?"

"Batman did some digging after he saw your letter to Ivy."

"Stupid Bat," Buffy growled. "That was a PRIVATE letter. And what did the Almighty Bat find out that I couldn't figure for myself?"

"This towns a bigger mystery than how Joker keeps getting out of Arkham," Nightwing began, earning a snort from Buffy.

"No big mystery, security sucks," she muttered. Nightwing swept that aside for now, planning on bringing it up with Batman later.

"You've got a fatality rate that makes Gotham look normal, people ignoring the obvious and the supernatural being swept under the rug," he listed.

"People don't like to admit the existence of things they don't understand," Buffy said tiredly. This had been drilled into her by Giles when she brought it up. "That's what Watcher guys says. Even I know the level of ignorance in this town goes beyond a joke. Hell, J could run down the main street butt naked spraying his laughing gas all over the place and no one would blink an eyelid," _Now THAT'S a pleasant image,_ Nightwing though. She had a point though.

"Have you looked into the mayor?" he said, lowering himself from the rooftop, folder in hand. Buffy cocked an eyebrow as she took the folder, looking through it.

"That's some family resemblance," she said with a whistle. "What are they, twins?"

"Grandfather and father to the current mayor," Buffy's eyes went wide.

"Riddle me this, riddle me that," she muttered under her breathe. "What sort of family looks exactly the same over three generations?" Nightwing looked at her oddly. She'd gone from a Joker/Harley Quinn hybrid to the Riddler. Just what had happened to her in Arkham? "The answer, Bird Boy, is simple. It's impossible. So what does that leave us?"

"An immortal?" Nightwing offered. "Though why here?"

"Big old conjunction of mystical energy running right under the town, forming _Boca del Inferno,_" she explained, closing the folder.

"The Mouth of Hell?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "Some town you got here, Slayer," Buffy gave him a blinding grin, back to her usual cheerful self.

"Thanks, Birdy. You're a lot more fun than the Bat. You can take a joke," she said before going serious again. "We need to keep this between us for now. Watcher guy would alert the Council, and shit would hit ceiling mounted air circulation device at great velocity. I'd rather be able to keep a discreet eye on this guy without things blowing up in our faces. How long you staying for?"

"As long as it takes to convince Batman you have things under control," Nightwing said. Buffy just nodded, sliding the folder into her bag with her sword.

"Well, guess I'll see you around then, Birdy," she said with a grin, pulling out a lollipop and unwrapping it. "See ya!"

"Hold on a minute, kid," Nightwing said. "What about you 'dealing with Dumb and Dumber'?"

"I'm not gonna hurt 'em," Buffy promised, sliding the lollipop in her mouth. "I'm just gonna convince them not to get in my way."

"How?" He demanded. Buffy just grinned that creepy grin of hers.

"Now that would spoil the surprise," she said. "And future psychological trauma."

"You know I can't let you do... whatever it is you're going to do, and I'm pretty sure I have some idea."

"You mean like filling their bedrooms with a heavily diluted form of Scarecrow's fear toxin?" Buffy asked innocently. "I would never do anything like that Mr Nightwing, sir."

"Oh really?" He asked. "And what did you plan on doing?"

"Kidnapping them from their beds and introducing them first hand to what the night life actually entails around here," again, said with complete and total innocence. Nightwing's mouth opened and closed a few times as he stared at her still smiling face.

"... Can you promise me the gas won't harm them?"

"Nothing a few years in therapy won't fix," she said, adding as an after thought, "Or decades. Still getting the ratio sorted. But it's definitely not lethal."

"You're positive?"

"Didn't kill the rats in the sewers," she said. "Though I was kinda surprised it worked on a vampire. Guess the holy water I added fixes their immunity. Right up until they burn inside out."

"Are they sure you're sane?" Nightwing asked incredulously.

"Oh, come ON, Bird Boy," Buffy said with exasperation. "When does ANYONE ever come out of the Fun House completely sane?"

"...Not gonna argue that point," he conceded.

"Good, well, must dash," she said, pulling two very familiar canisters out of her bag. "Things to do, people to scare, vampires to reduce into neat little piles of ash... Huh, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it," with a cackle she walked off, Nightwing following her on the rooftops. Just in case.

* * *

_Next Day  
High School_

"BOO!" Buffy screamed, sneaking up behind Jesse and Xander. The two boys jumped three feet in the air, looking at her shakily. "Welcome to my life, boys. Still want to help? I've got a nice, big nest on the other side of town, well away from..."

The two bolted, saying something about having something to do. Buffy giggled as she moved on. The 'Janitor' shook his head as she walked past.

"You're a cold, heartless person, Miss Summers," he said. Buffy looked at him a moment, taking in the beard, glasses and loose clothes. Well, isn't that interesting.

"Ah, thank you, Mr Janitor," she said, before adding in a low whisper. "And the face definitely matches my fantasies. I'll be seeing you around, cutey," this earned her another head shake as she walked off with a smile, to be cut off again by Willow.

"What did you do to them?" She asked. Buffy shrugged.

"Nothing much," she informed the red head. "Just some low power, non-lethal fear gas to keep them off my back," she looked at Willow a moment, who was looking back incredulously. "Too much?"

"But... but... you could have killed them!"

"Relax, red," Buffy tried to calm her down. "I may have left half a bag of marbles in Arkham, but I'm not a killer. I have the quantity down so it'd just scare them, not kill. Promise," she gave Willow an evil grin. "Now, the Laughing Gas, THAT I'm having troubles working on."

"I... but... you..."

"Look," Buffy said, wrapping an arm around the startled redhead's shoulder. "If I didn't put a scare into them, what do you think would have happened?"

"T-they would have gone out on their own," Willow said after a moment as Buffy led her down the hall "And they would have gotten hurt..."

"Or worse," Buffy said. "I was doing them a favour. Maybe NOW they won't be so eager to jump into the abattoir."

"I guess you have a point," Willow admitted. She couldn't bear to see one of them die because of their foolish, macho wish to do heroic things. "Still doesn't mean you had to scare them half to death. How did you do that anyway?" She turned her head slightly so that she looked Buffy in the eye. "I've read up on that gas. It should have just used their own fears," Buffy made a mental note to sneak some of her formulas to the girl. She was a lot smarter than anyone realised.

"Tapes with the types of things vampires do to their victims playing all night," Buffy said with a demented grin. "Now that was an interesting read."

Willow blinked as she tried to process what she'd just heard. Buffy had used subliminal teaching techniques to introduce vampires to their fear gas induced nightmares? That was... was... Willow wasn't sure what that was, but it was up there with twisted genius.

"Now, my dear, DEAR redhead," Buffy said, leading her to the Library. "How would you like to earn a little bit of extra money?" Willow narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"How?"

"Weeeeeeeeell," Buffy began slowly. "I heard from a little birdie that you're good at computers and there's some information you just CAN'T get legally..."

* * *

_Same time  
Arkham Asylum_

Pamela Isley, better known to most as Poison Ivy, looked over the letter for what seemed to be the 300th time since it had arrived. A town where a mystical convergence of of energy has caused plants to mutate into some form of sentient life. It seemed... Actually it seemed like something Slayer would run into. Still, Ivy definitely wanted to look into these plants. The only problem was getting out of Arkham.

Well, usually. They kept her well and truly locked up so there was no way she could seduce the guards into helping her. It made things... difficult.

She watched as one of the guards went careening through the plexi-glass that made up her 'cell'.

_Unless,_ she thought as Killer Croc and Harley Quinn walked into the room. _You had outside help._

"Hi, Red!" Harley squealed, wrapping her friend in a huge hug. "You look like crap."

"These... monsters deny me basic necessities, Harley," Ivy said, patting the woman on the shoulder. "What do you expect?"

"We gonna see Slayer now?" Croc asked.

"Of course," Ivy said smoothly. Of all of the inmates, Killer Croc was the one most protective of the Slayer. "The others?"

"Mistah J's gonna cause a ruckus so we can get outta town," Harley said as the three made towards the exit. "With help from some of the others. The rest are going to meet us in Sunnydale. Penguin's already been supplying BuffBuff with some neat toys," Ivy nodded.

"Very well then," she said. "Let's leave this place. Our Slayer requires our assistance," Harley whooped with joy as the criminally insane poured out of Arkham Asylum. For most, their thoughts were on freedom. For the rest, a small fraction, they were thinking of one thing. One place.

* * *

_Sunnydale  
Next day_

"Hey, G-Man!"

"Confound it, Buffy, must you call me that?"

"Yup," Buffy said with a grin, throwing a paper onto the table. "Prep the extra rooms, Watcherman, we're going to have visitors."

"What do you..." Giles began picking up the paper. "Buffy, why do you have a copy of the Gotham Times, one would... Oh dear Lord," he said in disbelief as he looked at the main headline.

_Arkham Breakout!_

"Good Lord," he said as he read through the story. "How did this happen?"

"They put some of the most formidable minds in the world with some of the biggest muscles," Buffy explained pointedly. "And they don't take the proper precautions when they mix. What more can you expect?"

"Precautions are taken to limit what they can do," Nightwing said as he stepped out fo the shadows. "Nice place."

"Good Lord, who the devil..."

"Hi Birdy!" Buffy said with a wave. "What's up?"

"You wouldn't happen to have had any idea this was going to happen, would you?" Nightwing asked.

"Now see here, you... long john wearing intruder," Giles blustered in defense of his Slayer. How dare this costumed maniac accuse her of something like that?

"Yeah!" Buffy said in support of her Watcher. "Why would I keep info like that from you? I mean, the second you knew, you would have gone racing off to try and stop them and I could have gone along with my business without 24/7 chaperone."

"What?" Giles said in shock.

"Batsy sent Bird Man here to keep an eye on me, make sure I didn't go loonier than J," Buffy informed him. Giles fixed Nightwing with a stoney faced glare. "Sure, I have info about a possible threat I'm looking into, but still! I never did anything wrong. Innocent til proven guilty!"

"Burning down the gym?" Nightwing pointed out.

"Full of vampires!" Buffy countered. Nightwing nodded grudgingly. She was right, Bruce had sent him to keep an eye on someone who hadn't actually broken any laws, only on suspicion, and the worst she'd done since getting here, she'd done to keep people from doing something stupid.

Giles, meanwhile, was very close to doing something stupid himself.

"How DARE you?" the Watcher roared, causing Buffy to jump. The usually calm Watcher was seething. "She has done nothing that could gain your attention, if anything, perhaps you should keep an eye on her parents. After all, THEY are the ones that put her in that position," the man had a point. "Further more, perhaps you should look at yourselves. I know for a fact that the superhero community has contact with several people that are extremely well known and high up in the supernatural community. Why did it take you seven months to get in contact with them?"

"They were occupied..."

"All of them?" Giles asked snidely. "I'm well aware of the Council's shortcomings when it comes to Buffy, and I have had people in the right places raise some questions concerning these missteps. Your Batman, however, seems quite happy to keep his eyes and blame firmly on Buffy while he doesn't investigate the rather handy coincidence of everyone that could explain the situation being 'occupied'. And I shall let you know, I do not believe in coincidence," Nightwing looked at him stonily for a moment, not expecting that explosion. He was sure the temperature in the room had jumped several degrees. Maybe they should be looking into the Watcher too.

_Because he's right?_ Nightwing thought. And he was. The whole situation of everyone they knew with mystical connections being busy and leaving Buffy in Arkham was a bit too coincidental for his liking. Perhaps he should be looking into that as well.

"Batman's asked me to head back to Gotham to help with the breakout," Nightwing informed them, turning back to the shadows. "Stay out of trouble.

"Oh bugger off," Giles grumbled as his rage dimmed. What ever happened to innocent until proven guilty? Really, now.

"Wow, Giles..." Buffy said once Nightwing had left. "I don't get it. Why?"

"You are not the only one in the room with what cold be referred to as a 'chequered past', my girl," Giles told her slowly. "And mine is a lot more 'chequered' than one could say your own is."

"Oh, sounds juicy," Buffy said, sidling up to him. "Come on, Rupert old boy," she added in a rather bad English accent. "Spill."

"I will have you know," Giles said, seeing a possibility to connect closer to his charge. "When I was younger, I was known as Ripper."

* * *

_One week later  
Batcave  
Gotham City_

"We may have a problem," Batman said, looking up at the giant Bat-Computer. Behind him, Nightwing raised an eyebrow, mask dangling from one finger.

"As if the entirety of Arkham's population being on the streets isn't a sign of that?" He pointed out.

"That's the problem," Batman growled out. "There's people missing. Joker's been running around without Harley. Not completely out of character for him, but we haven't seen her or Poison Ivy. Same goes for Two Face, Killer Croc and several others."

"Let me guess," Nightwing interrupted. "All of them were known to hang around Buffy?"

"Exactly," Batman confirmed. "There's another problem. Zasz is missing too."

"But Zasz didn't... Oh hell..."

"Exactly," Batman said. "If he's doing what I think he's doing, then we'd better alert the Sunnydale authorities before he racks another kill, one that might send Summers right over the edge."

"I wouldn't be too worried about that," Batman turned to look at his original partner.

"What do you mean?"

"If you're right, and the ones that haven't shown up are heading for Sunnydale, she has more than enough back up to deal with him," Nightwing pointed out. "And then there's the other problem: Zasz has often alluded to some... 'interest' in introducing himself to Buffy's mother after Buffy left him in traction. If he shows up in Sunnydale, he won't be racking his kill score up. Buffy'll probably be adding her first," Batman looked at him, putting together Nightwing's theory. It was sound, plausible... and worrisome. So far, Summers had refrained from killing humans, even going so far as to create a non-lethal version of Scarecrows Fear Toxin, and working on something similar for Joker's own Laughing Gas. But if Zasz pushed her over the edge...

"We can't spare the manpower right now," Batman said. Nightwing's jaw tightened.

"There's always Jason," Batman stiffened. Jason Todd. The second Robin.

His biggest regret.

"That's not a good idea," Batman growled out.

"I can't think of anyone else, unless you want to ask for outside help," Nightwing pointed out. Batman grunted, turning back to the computer.

"Sending Jason almost guarantees Zasz's death," Batman pointed out.

"Or he could get the help he needs," fingers froze over the computer. "Buffy's managed to find some kind of... balance between what happened to her inside of Arkham and her life outside. She plays harmless pranks using Joker's normally lethal traps, and the few times she's used what she was taught was to save lives. She's keeping her eyes firmly on the demons."

"For how long?"

"As long as there's a human connection," Nightwing said. "Jason never got over what happened to him. He was never really able to reconnect with humanity after he came back. He teeters and, more often than not, falls because there's no one to pull him back, where Buffy has her mother and now her Watcher."

"You think they can help him?"

"I'm betting Mr Giles at least will be more understanding If he can accept Buffy's idiosyncrasies, why not?" Batman was silent for a moment.

"How exactly are you going to find Jason?"

"Easy," Nightwing said wryly, slipping his mask on. "Head for the biggest trouble spot on the map. You'll probably find Joker. Find Joker..."

"We find Jason," Batman said, getting up. "Let's go."


	3. Ghostly Hauntings

Let me put it this way: the Ghost with the Most is going to school.

Disclaimer: Don't own it, JK Rowling and a bunch of others do.

* * *

_15__th__ March, 1992  
Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry_

"Harry!" Harry James Potter, Fates favourite whipping boy, turned to see Hermione Granger, his best female friend, running towards him. "Harry, I need to speak to you!"

"Careful, Granger! He might sick Slytherin's monster onto you!" Hermione ignored the guffaws as he dragged Harry past the laughing students, into an empty corridor and then an empty classroom, where Ron Weasley, his best male friend, was waiting with an excitement that equalled Hermione's.

"Did you find a clue about the Heir?" Aharry asked. Ron shook his head.

"Better!" He said. "I was checking a part of the castle the Twins said hadn't been used for a while. They'd know, they planned their pranks there sometimes," he reached behind his back, pulling out a diary that was old, and definitely female. "I found something you definitely want to look at, mate."

"A diary?" Harry asked .

"Better," Hermione said, opening to the first page and handing it to him. Harry looked dutifully.

_The Diary of Lillian Rose Evans..._

"Wh... This is my mums... Where? How?"

"It was hidden," Ron said. "In a cupboard in a room you can only get to from the dungeons."

"The Dungeons?" Harry asked, flipping to the end. He wanted to see the last thing written...

_Harry, if you're reading this, then the charms I made have worked and this diary has found it's way into your hands. This is my personal Plan B in case anything happens to us. I don't trust Dumbledore, he's way to interested in you, ever since your first bout of accidental magic turned his beard pink. It has to do with this prophecy he's using to force us into hiding, but he's playing his cards too close to his chest. So, I contacted your aunt Lydia in America..._

"I have an aunt in America?" Harry asked out loud.

"You didn't know?" Ron asked.

"Aunt Petunia's never mentioned her," Harry said. "And she had to be a better choice than the Dursleys if mum's mentioning her in a diary entry to me."

"Wait, an entry to you?" Hermione spoke up. Harry nodded.

"She had a charm on the diary to make sure it found it's way to me if they... if something happened to them."

"Bloody hell..."

"Ron!"

"That's some serious magic, Harry," Ron said. "Your mum must have been smarter than Hermione."

"What else does it say, Harry?" Hermione asked. Harry turned back to the page.

_So, I contacted your Aunt Lydia in America to take care of you. She's aware of... well, maybe not the wizarding world, but the supernatural at least. She agreed to take you in if anything happened to your father and I, and also agreed that you should have some kind of protection in case something happened that made sure that didn't happen._

_Harry, my son, I am about to trust you with something very important; a secret you can't tell anyone, not even Dumbledore, who I'm sure is making himself seem very important in you life. Your aunt has a friend, a very special friend. The Ghosts of Hogwarts know of him well, and he's the only one I've ever seen out-prank Peeves. Summoning him is easy, but you should only do it when you really need to. Or you're lonely. Or you want to talk to your aunt. Or... Hell, just summon him. Trust me baby boy. Betelgeuse will take care of you, I'm sure of it. He always liked your aunt and I and he got along famously with your father and uncles._

Harry blinked as he read the rest of the message, looking at his expectant friends. "She was setting up a plan B," he explained. "She didn't trust Dumbledore."

"Why not?" Ron asked. "I mean... he's Dumbledore."

"He knows why Voldemort went after me," Harry said, ignoring Ron's shivers. "He knows about some kind of... prophecy, but he never told me about it and he never told my parents what it says."

"Why would he do that?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know," Harry said. "I was supposed to go to my Aunt Lydia in America, but I got left with Aunt Petunia instead," Harry shook his head. "A lot of things aren't adding up. I need to think. Guys... thanks," he nodded at them, slipping the diary among his books and left the room. A confused Ron turned to Hermione.

"What do you think?" He asked. "I mean... why would Dumbledore choose the Dursley's over this other one?"

"I'm sure he has his reasons," Hermione said. "But... I don't know if that would be good enough for Harry. You said their were bars on his windows when you and your brothers went to get him?"

"And a cat flap for food on a door that locked from the outside," Ron said. Hermione frowned. Her respect for the Headmaster was taking a hit.

"What reason could he possibly have to keep Harry in a place like that?"

"Maybe he's trying to keep him from going dark?" Ron asked. The duo looked at each other for a second. "Yeah, I didn't believe it either."

"So, we have the greatest wizard of his generation leaving the Saviour of the Wizarding World in an abusive environment with no obvious reason other than a nebulous prophecy only he knows the contents of," Hermione summarised. "Do wizards get dementia?"

"Hermoine!"

"It's a valid question," she sniffed.

"... Yeah, sometimes," Ron admitted. "You think...?"

"I have no other explanation."

"What if it's a Slytherin trick?" Ron asked.

"This is a pretty elaborate scheme," Hermione said.

"Yeah..." Ron said. "So, what now?"

"We keep it between us," Hermione said. "Tell no one. Harry needs all the connection to his parents he can get."

* * *

_May 3rd, 1992  
Dungeon Hallway  
Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry_

Harry would have thought that the school would have calmed down after Hermione was petrified (oh, how he hated thinking about it). After all, she was his best bloody friend. Why the hell would he attack her?

Apparently, giving people magic took away their common sense, logic and ability to think for themselves. Something proven by Hagrid's arrest by the Ministry 'to be seen doing something' and the Board of Governors decision to suspend Dumbledore (though Harry had to admit, after reading his mum's diary, he had his own doubts about the Headmaster). Thankfully, despite Hermione's situation, Ron was standing fast, and had gotten into several fights over Harry's innocence. He'd even bloodied his brother Percy's nose when the Prefect had voiced his own suspicions regarding Harry returning late from visiting Hermione. Harry understood; Penelope Clearwater, Percy's girlfriend, had been petrified the same time as Hermione and the older boy was obviously upset. Ron wouldn't take that as an acceptable excuse, however.

"Anyone that thinks your the Heir of bloody Slytherin needs to get their heads checked," Ron had announced in the Gryffindor Common Room loudly. "You're no more responsible for Hermione being laid up than I am for V-Voldemort," his shakiness hadn't lessened the impact of his speech.

The next morning, Gryffindor had taken a united front. The entire House had marched into the Great Hall for breakfast, surrounding Harry in support. Professor MacGonagall, standing in as Headmistress during Dumbldore's suspension, could only smile in pride at the actions of her house.

Some, however, were less than impressed with this sudden show of support and decided to break it up. Or, at least, try.

Harry had a feeling something was up when a Ravenclaw had fetched him from the Library with a smirk, saying that Snape wanted to see him. He should have taken Ron, Dean and even shy, timid Neville's offer for support, but had turned them down.

That damn greasy git wasn't going to intimidate him any more. Harry Potter had had just about enough of the crap he had had piled on him over this whole 'Heir of Slytherin' garbage. He knew Snape was probably up to something, an opinion enforced when the smirking Ravenclaw had vanished at the top of the stairs leading to the dungeons. Harry continued on, though. May as well get this over with.

He was met at the bottom of the stairs by Snape, smirking malevolently, and the gathered Slythering House. "You wanted to see me, Professor?" Harry asked carefully, eyeing every smirking snake. Then he noticed a near vibrating Peeves floating in the corner and his hackles were up.

"I just thought it would be... fitting for Slytherin to welcome the first Lord Slytherin since Salazar himself," Snape said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. And suddenly it clicked as the other Slytherin's bowed with a smirk and Peeves started cackling.

"Ickle Potty, Lord of Slytherin!" Peeves crowed and Harry realised this little act would be over the castle by dinner. The headway he'd made with the Gryffindors would be lost, everyone would be against him after this, even Ron.

And, deep inside, something, that small part of Harry that had been beaten into him by the Dursleys, that told him that he deserved all this for being a worthless freak, snapped and dissipated.

"Though I know I should be wary," he whispered, but the words echoed through the hall, causing even Peeves to stop. "Still I call on something Scary..."

"What are you blathering on about, Potter?" Snape spat as Peeves leaned forward.

"Ghostly hauntings I turn loose..."

"Stop that!"

"Beetlejuice..."

"Oh, bugger this!" Peeves shouted suddenly, radiating fear. "Run for the hills!"

"Beetlejuice..."

"He's summoning evil itself from the pits of Hell! RUN FOR YOUR..."

"BEETLEJUICE!" A cruel laugh echoed through the halls as the Slyths leapt to their feet, wands out and pointed at Harry.

"Now now, kiddies, didn't your mothers ever tell you it was rude to point?" The gravely voice echoed. "You might put out an eye!" Instantly, every Slytherin wand had an eyeball hanging from the end of it. Several of them, including Malfoy, dropped the wands with a scream.

"Potter!" Snape roared. "What are you doing?"

"Aw, Snivy, Harrykins isn't doing anything but enjoying the show," the voice said as a gaunt figure with ghost white skin, green teeth and yellow eyes with black pupils, yellow hair wearing a black and white striped suit with a maroon shirt and black shies floated through the roof with a mad grin and evil intentions. Snape stepped back in fear remembering the last time he'd seen this particular spectre: Harry's mother Lily had written to her American cousin Lydia about his decision to end their friendship and what he'd called her, apparently in tears. The American had sent this spectre to teach him a lesson.

He'd never bothered Lily Evans again.

"Hello, Snivy," the spectre leered. "Did ya miss me?" Snape responded by blazing a trail away from the spectre this office and locking the door, leaving a suspicious smelling wet trail behind him. "Hm, guess not," the spectre turned to the stunned Harry and the group of Slytherins watching in abject horror, some still playing with the eyeballs from their wands. "Well, what a sorry group of Slyths you are," he said, drawing every eye to him. He smirked, morphing his face into some odd caricture of life with worms, snakes and other such things crawling of empty eye sockets, nostrils, ears and rotted cheeks. "Boo."

The Slyths bolted in fear, leaving the spectre cackling madly as his face returned to normal.

"Oh man, what a riot," he cackled. "This is great," he turned to Harry, who was just kind of... smiling in joy and stunned shock.

"So you're... BJ?" He asked. 'BJ' smirked, floating over to him and wrapping an arm around the boys shoulder.

"Yup, that's me, BJ, Beej, freaky, that scary sonuva..." he smirked at Harry's raised eyebrow. "Ghoul. And you, with those eyes and that face, have just GOT to be little Harry," he stepped back, floating around Harry, looking him up and down. "Wow, kid. You got big. It's been awhile though," 'BJ' rubbed his hands together with glee. "And good ol' hoggy, warty, Hogwarts. Only been here once, myself, had to scare some sense into a certain grease stain after he insulted your mother," THAT got Harry's attention.

"He did?" the boy asked dangerously. 'BJ' nodded qiuckly.

"Yup. Called her a 'mudblood', after years of pretending to be her friend," Harry pulled out his wand.

"Right," he said, walking towards Snape's office. 'BJ' floated along next to him.

"Waddaya gonna do, kid?"

"I'm gonna hex his tongue out," Harry said. "Then I'm going to transfigure him into a pile of flobberworm dung," 'BJ' cackled.

"Flobberworm dung?" the spectre cackled. "Oh, kid, I think I'm gonna LIKE hanging around you. But let's not go doing anything permanent."

"You have something else planned?" Harry asked. "His whole deal with having me down here was to spread rumours around the school that the Slytherins accepted me as the Heir of Slytherin. And with the Chamber of Secrets open..."

"Whoa, whoa!" 'BJ' said. "Hold your horses, kiddo," Harry suddenly found himself holding a handful of miniature horses, blinking in confusion. "Start from the the top. What's going on?"


	4. I Got No Title For This BLEACH!

Now, my knowledge of Bleach is INCREDIBLY limited, which is one of the reasons this idea died really quickly. What little i have written was helped along by a certain Assassin friend of mine (you know who you are). Plus I do so love screwing with teh PTB's plans.

Disclaimer: I own about as much as I did about minutes ago. Meaning absolutely freaking nothing.

* * *

The first time Buffy Summers met a shinigami, it was completely by accident.

The recently dead Slayer was standing next to her body as the Master of Aurelious, after successfully completing the prophecy, happily dug his way out of his former prison. She tugged at the chain that connected her to her body thoughtfully.

"Well," she commented. "If this is death, then I'd say I pretty much got screwed over."

"You're not entirely dead yet," Buffy turned to face the newest player in the game. He was tall, with brown hair and hazel eyes staring at her from behind square rimmed glasses, a long white jacket of what seemed to be some sort of black gi, sandals on his feet and a long katana by his side. "The Chain of Destiny still holds you to your body. Depending one what happens next, I will send you to the Soul Society. Heaven, I believe most human culture call it."

"Soul Society?" Buffy asked, narrowing her eyes. She was so fixated on him she didn't notice Xander and Angel enter. "Who ARE you?"

"Sosuke Aizen," he answered. "5th Division Captain. Shinigami, or Death God."

"So... the Grim Reaper?" She said flippantly. "I thought you'd be skinnier," Aizen gave her a smile that somewhat creeped her out.

"I suppose you could call me that," he said. "It is my responsibility to see souls onto their final reward, whatever that may be. Though it would seem that it is not yet your time to go," he nodded passed her to wear Xander was trying to get angel to help with CPR. Buffy fumed when the vampire said he couldn't breathe, and thus couldn't help.

"What kind of bullshit is that?" she demanded. "Hey! You're talking, that means you have air going through your vocal cords, even I know that! He is so going to get it," Aizen chuckled. What an interesting girl, and her spirit power... yes, she could be a promising recruit, later in the game.

"It seems your battles in life are not done yet, Slayer," Aizen said. Buffy looked at him for a moment before giving him a wry smile.

"Right, Grim Reaper," he said. "Of course you know. So... I guess I'll see you around?"

"Oh, most assuredly," he nodded as her chain tightened, pulling her spirit back into her body.

Buffy's eyes opened as she began breathing. "Xander," she whispered. "thanks."

"Hey, no prob," the boy said. Angel chose this moment to step forward...

...Only to receive a kick in the shins.

"No breath my ass," she glared at him as Xander helped her up.

"How did..."

"Lo..." Buff looked over to see Aizen still standing there. Wait, see? How...

Aizen noticed she could still see him and chuckled before leaving. Yes, this girl was definitely someone to keep an eye on in the future.

* * *

Since her near death at the hands of the Master, Buffy discovered she could now see things far beyond the regular creepy crawlies that inhabited Sunnydale. There was a different kind of monster.

A monster that the Slayer just isn't equipped to fight.

A spiritual monster.

Thankfully, it seemed Eyezeen (Azan? Whatever) wasn't the only 'Grim Reaper' in the area. She'd seen several around, usually fighting big bad ghosts or sending innocent shades to their final rest. She knew, after miserably failing the first time and escaping (barely) to tell the tale that she couldn't fight these... creatures, so she settled with trying to lessen collateral damage, keeping those that couldn't see out of danger and herding innocent spirits away from the big bad thingios which, apparently, liked to snack on (she'd watched on, helpless, as this had happened. She'd vowed it wouldn't happen again. Not on her watch).

This went on for two years. She and Angel had never really recovered from his apparent giving up on her, while she and Xander had started getting closer.

And then Buffy discovered she wasn't anything even remotely resembling a regular Slayer.

_Just my luck,_ Buffy thought as she looked up at the... thing. It was massive, topping 12 feet easily with four tentacle-like appendages with a massive claw on each one and a snake like tail running out the back. It's eye glared down at her through it's mask as she looked the the hole in it's chest, wishing that whatever had done this had killed the damn thing.

In other words big, ugly...

...And Untouchable. To her at least. And wouldn't you know it, not a Reaper in site. _And here's me trapped in an alley with tall dark and gruesome and my only weapon is the sword I used to send Dru to hell with,_ she thought, tightening her grip on said blade. She wasn't sure why she carried the damn thing. It just felt more comfortable in her hands then any other weapon.

"Alright, ugly," she said, shifting her weight, ready to launch herself at the thing. "Let's get this over with," as she charged, swinging her blade, her thoughts turned to Xander. They'd gotten really close, closer than she'd thought they could ever have gotten. Make out sessions with a warm body were much more fun.

And his hands...

And she was never going to see him again. She was going to die, probably get eaten.

And there was nothing she could do.

_I'm sorry, Xander._

She never noticed the faint blue glow of her sword. She did, however, notice that it left quite a nice clean cut through the creature.

Wait, back up there...

She looked at her still glowing sword, feeling a slight difference. As if it were... a part of her. Like an extension of her arm. Yeah, sure, during training Giles always said a true master felt like this, but... she wondered if this was what he meant. It was hard to tell where she ended and...

A loud roar broke her focus as the creature swiped at her.

Right. Slay now. Figure out what the hell's going on later.

She blocked an incoming claw, rolling back as another approached her, ramming her sword in just below here the blade began. The creature roared in pain...

And then split right down the middle. Buffy blinked as it faded away, seeing a familiar figure behind it.

"Wait, you're... Eyezeen!" The bespectacled chuckled, pushing his glasses up his face.

"Aizen," he corrected, looking a the blade in her hand as the glow faded. Not a zanpakuto, like he'd suspected at first. Still... "Charging your spiritual power into that sword... a good idea," she blinked up at him. "You don't even know what you did, did you?"

"Kicked ass?" He really did like that spirit of hers. It would be a shame to break it.

"You were channeling the power from your own soul into that sword," he explained. "Without any training, going only on instinct," of course, he's been pushing her to this point over the past 2 years. He just hadn't expected it to be so soon. Another year at least. Extraordinary. "And to injure a Hollow... most impressive."

"Hollow?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Hollow. A human spirit that has fallen, corrupted by it's own memories or another Hollow. They have no emotions other than hunger and hatred."

"So a spiritual vampire?" She asked. Aizen nodded. An apt explanation. "The other half of your job?"

"Yes," Aizne confirmed what she'd guessed. So, sending souls on and killing those that got left behind. Sounded almost Slayerish.

"So, what now?" She asked.

"Given the amount of Hollow activity around Hellmouths," Aizen began, turning away. "I would suggest practicing with that skill of yours. You keep this up... you might get recruited."

"Not for a few more years yet, thanks," Aizen chuckled as he vanished in a blur. Buffy shook her head as she hid the sword under her jacket.

_Why can I never do anything the normal way?_

* * *

_When they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, they really had no idea how right they had it,_ Buffy thought, as she dangled over the hole below her in what she was sure was her own mind.

Looking at the desert/Sunnydale scene with the gaping hole where the high school/Hellmouth should be, she really needed to have her head shrunk, cause she had issues.

Not the least of these was the insane Slayer Spirit that wanted to kill her.

Confused? So was Buffy. Let's review.

Things had started simple enough: the gang, including Xander was going to college. Xander was surprised too, but somehow he'd managed to scrape through enough for some architecture and building classes, so he was right along with Buffy and Willow when they met Clean Cut Cornbread Man, aka Riley Finn, secretly a member of a clandestine government agency that studied demons for a way to stop them.

Someone forgot to put limits on that as the groups leader. Dr Maggie Walsh, who was also Buffy's Psych teacher, tried to build a Frankenstein-style monster out of machine, human and demon parts which ended up being too powerful for either group to control.

Until they found The Ritual.

It was dangerous, the true limits of what it could do unknown. Basically, though, it should allow them to combine into one being, capable of defeating ADAM. And it was their last chance. So they gave it a shot.

And it worked. A little TOO well. Buffy still wasn't entirely sure what that sword that finally sliced through ADAM's power core was, or where it came from or why she'd heard a voice afterwards.

_'Close, my girl. So very close. We'll be seeing each other soon, I think.'_

That should have been the end of it. Apparently the Slayer Essence didn't like being woken up like that. It attacked each of them in there dreams, until only Buffy stood alone, in some warped mindscape she didn't entirely understand. And the Slayer, pure spirit that it was, was too much for a person used to facing physical threats (even fighting the Horrors was usually a physical battle, just requiring a spiritual charge) had defeated her, claiming that it had been because Buffy had weakened herself by relying on others.

"The only reason..." Buffy choked out. "You won... is because it's a spirit battle, one I'm not used to fighting. That... and your BO is distracting. Deoderant. Use it, bitch," the Essence snarled and dropped Buffy into the hole, turning away. IT was the Slayer again. IT would defend the earth as it was meant to. Alone.

Buffy looked up as the light that was the top of the hole shrank, closing her eyes. "I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut."

_'But you had a point, my dear Slayer,' _Buffy opened her eyes, noticing the woman floating above her.

She was slight, with a dress that seemed like it was made of silk, nearly translucent. Her hair was coloured streaks of dark brown and golden blonde, with eyes that shimmered between hazel and green. Her skin was tanned, not entirely pale, but seemed to glow with some inner light.

"Who are you?" The woman smiled at her.

_'I am *********,'_ Buffy blinked a couple of times in confusion.

"Wanna try repeating that?"

_'No, you're not ready to unleash _that_ power quite yet,'_ the woman said with a shake of her head. _'Still, I think you're ready for something more than what you have.'_

"Huh?" Buffy asked. The woman smiled, pulling closer, taking Buffy's hand. There was a strange sense of belonging, like this woman should be by her side, always. She wasn't sure, but it almost felt...

_'Familiar?'_ She asked. Buffy's confusion grew. How...? _'We are one, Slayer. One and the same. Nothing can ever change that. The Essence believes a Slayer fights alone. She is wrong. We have ever been at your sides, the True Weapons of your very Soul. You wielded me, earlier, with your friends,'_ Buffy's eyes went wide in realisation. She was... _'It awakened me as it did her. I waited, hoping, watching... and now it is time,'_ with a flick of her arm, she spun Buffy one hundred and eighty degrees until the Slayer came face to face with a simple sword. It looked like the sword she had wielded against Drusilla and Acathla, but she knew, unlike that one. This was hers.

And it was in two places at once. That was odd.

_'Go ahead, Buffy. We need to show that old ghoul what _we _are capable of,' _Buffy nodded, reaching for the sword...

The Essence stopped, looking at the hole as it was filled with a golden glow. It growled angrily. What the hell was that damn weakling do...

The glow exploded, sending dust and power out in shock waves that forced the essence to cover it face. It annoyance turned to shock, however, when it uncovered it's eyes and saw Buffy standing at the edge of the hole with a new weapon, glowing with pure spiritual power. The Essence snarled. Where had THAT come from?

"You know," Buffy said conversationally. "It occurs to me we got off on the wrong foot," the Essence charged, Buffy meeting it half way with a blade through it's shoulder. "This is my body and you? You're a hitch-hiker that pays rent so I don't kick you the fuck out," the Essence growled. Buffy headbutted it into silence. "Shut up," she snarled. "Now here's the deal. We work together or I throw YOU down that God damned hole. 'Cause you know..." she moved the blade of her sword slightly, causing the essence to grunt in pain. "With the three of us, it's a little crowded in here, wouldn't you say," the Essence growled.

"Fine."

Buffy's eyes fluttered open looking around as her friend slowly crawled back into waking. "Well, that was..." she stopped, feeling out her mind until she touched across a familiar intelligence which warmly 'smiled' back. "Interesting."


	5. Lobos

Okay, so, this ones a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit more obscure than most of my stuff, so I'm going to be doing a little bit of explanation.

GARO is a Japanese tokusatsu (special filming) TV series in a similar vein to Power Rangers. Unlike Power Rangers, however, it was definitely aimed at a more adult audience, showing late at night. It follows the story of Kouga Saijima, a Makia Knight named Garo, who's mission it is to protect humanity from the Horrors, which are demons that make their way to Earth through Gates, object with a dark history, and possess/devour humans with darkness in their hearts. Only the Makai Knights have the ability to defeat Harrors (though they are always rebrn in an endless cycle).

Disclaimer: ... Nope, still not owning anything.

* * *

Buffy looked at the vineyard, clenching her fists. Maybe she should have gone in alone in the first place. No one to watch, no one to protect, no one who might get hurt. In and out. Easy.

"You will not succeed," Buffy turned quickly to the owner of the voice, a rough looking man in a white coat with black pants and shirt beneath it. "As you are, you will never survive."

"How would you know?" Buffy asked. The man looked at her, before walking past.

"The man in there is no longer a man. He is stronger, faster."

"No shit," Buffy muttered.

"He has given his form to…something else," the man continued. "Something you cannot beat with ordinary weapons. And you cannot get the weapon you need as you are now."

"What do you care?" Buffy asked. The man turned to her, his Asian features hidden in the shadow he cast.

"For years, it has laid dormant, unknown, the power it holds," he said. "You are the one destined to awaken that power. And I am going to teach you how," Buffy squinted at him, unsure of whether to trust him.

"Who are you?" She asked.

"My name…" he began. "Is Taiga Saijima. I am Garo."

"Garo?"

"He's one 'a the good guys, kid. You can trust that."

"Whistler," Buffy's eyes narrowed as she turned to face the Balance Demon.

"Easy there, kid," Whistler said. "I'm only here to get you on your way. No killing anyone this time. 'Cept maybe Caleb."

"Good," Buffy said. "So, what's going on?"

"The Powers are givin' ya a promotion. Congrats."

"Yay me," Buffy muttered. "So, what's different? More responsibility?"

"Better equipment," Whistler said with a smile as Taiga stood beside him.

'_And a more trustworthy partner, eh?'_

"Who said that?" Buffy asked, tuning to look around her. Taiga raised his left fist to show a large ring with a face on it.

'Konichiwa._ I'm Zaruba, Taiga's _Madou_ Ring.'_

"Holy crap a talking ring?" Buff gasped out.

_'And so much more to come,'_ Zaruba said.

"Let's go," Taiga said. "There is much for you to learn. And very little time in which you can learn it," Buffy looked at him, before nodding. Any advantage was a good one.

"What do I need to do?"

* * *

Half an hour later, in the middle of one of Sunnydale's older cemeteries, Buffy looked up at the odd mausoleum. "How did I miss something this big and ugly?" she asked. "I mean, this looks perfect for one of those freaky rituals that the bad guys seem to enjoy."

_'She seems to talk a lot,'_ Zaruba commented. Taiga nodded before standing beside her.

"This place is protected," he said. "An ancient building made to house the protectors of this part of the world. You, once your training is complete."

"I'm guessing nobody knew it was here, hence the cemetery around it?" Buffy asked. Taiga nodded. "Okay, so what was the hurry in getting here?"

"The bosses are going to affect time around it," Whistler explained. "You'll have three years to learn what Taiga has ta teach ya, with no time passing out here. You'll look no older, but you'll be far more experienced and way better skilled. 'Course, there's a limit. We've only got five minutes before the First takes notice. By that time, you'll be done."

"Sounds good, let's get this over with," Buffy said, walking up to the large doors to open them. As she put her hand on the door, however, she got yet another shock.

_'I hope you don't think I'm letting you in because people say you can,' _a female voice said, seemingly out of nowhere.

"What the Hell?" Buffy shrieked, stepping back. She looked closer at the door. There, embedded in the wood was a silver bracelet with a face staring back at her.

_'This place is for the Makai Knight for this area and I don't think you can handle it.'_

"O-kay, now I'm getting doubted by a piece of freaking jewellery, my life is complete," she reached for the bracelet, pulling it gingerly from its resting place. "Listen, Silver. I need in here to stop the First. Don't like it, go rust. But I am going in," the bracelet chuckled.

_'Well, you have spirit, at least. But if you're going in there, you need to be able to open the door. And the only way to do that is to form a bond with me. And I don't think you can handle that, girl.'_

"Let me tell you something," Buffy said darkly. "I've been doing this since I was fifteen. You think you can scare me off? Do your worst."

'_Very well. Put me on your wrist.'_

"Really, but I have nothing you'll go with," Buffy said jokingly, complying. Instantly, the area surrounding Buffy darkened. Taiga and Whistler vanished, leaving her alone in the graveyard and all Buffy could see was the black and white scene of the graveyard.

"This is it?" Buffy asked, wholly unimpressed. "This is the big bad bonding test?" A prickling at the back of her neck told her she was being watched. She turned to see a very freaky youngish looking woman in a black dress, as black and white as her surrounds. Buffy shrugged and turned away from the zombie-looking girl…

…And found herself face to face with the whatever-she-was. Buffy's reaction, in her mind, was natural.

She punched the creature. Hard.

Her fist met the door of the mansion she was trying to enter as colour returned. She gave a yelp of pain, shaking her now sore knuckles.

'_You are now bonded to me,'_ the bracelet said. _'Every hellish thing will hound your life til the end of your days.'_

"Oh like that's any different," Buffy said sarcastically. "Slayer comma the, sparky. I'm used to it."

'_Slayer?'_ the Bracelet said. _'They brought me a Slayer? And you're going to be this area's Makai Knight? Oh this will be enjoyable. Let's get inside, shall we? I want to see what you're capable of.'_

"Oh yeah, now I've broken my hand you welcome me with open...whatever," Buffy complained as the door opened. "You got a name?"

'_Gaia. You?'_

"Buffy."

'_What kind of name is Buffy?'_

"And Gaia's any better?"

'_Well, looks like they're getting along fine,'_ Zaruba said dryly. Taiga said nothing, following his student into the building. Things were about to get very interesting.

* * *

_Five minutes later (for everyone outside the mansion)_

The Buffy that walked out was very different to the Buffy that walked in, Whistler noted. The doubts in her mind, the shadows in her eyes had given way to a very confident, skilled and very powerful warrior. He almost felt sorry for Caleb.

Almost.

Buffy's attitude and stance wasn't the only thing that had undergone a makeover. She was now wearing black leather pants with boots that went half way up her shin. Her red silk halter top was covered by a black over coat, bearing the symbol of a ring with a crucifix on top of it on the back.

"Lookin' good kid," Whistler said. Buffy merely smiled (which sent a shiver down the balance demons spine).

"Thanks," she said. "Now, I believe I have an axe to grind?"

* * *

_Vineyard  
Half an hour later_

"Hello," Buffy called out as she walked down the stairs. "Any freaky no longer human priests down here?"

'_Sneaking isn't your strong suit, is it?'_

"Hey, I can be sneaky," Buffy retorted, bringing up her wrist to look at Gaia. "I just choose not to," she walked forward, through the room where Caleb had delivered his sound beating earlier. This was where her friends had lost faith in her.

And this was where she would prove herself.

"Well," she said flippantly as she walked through a corridor and into the large room at the end. In the centre was a pedastel, on top of which was a rock, in which was a weapon that looked like the combination of an axe and a large stake. "That's kinda pretty looking. But nothing more than window dressing. Isn't it Caleb?"

"Well, aren't you a clever little whore?" Said former priest said, walking out of the shadows. "I thought you would have pulled the Slayer weapon right on out of there."

"And leave the real prize behind?" Buffy said, raising an eyebrow. "The blonde only goes to the roots, nimrod."

"Real prize?" Caleb said innocently, smiling all the while like that cat that caught the canary. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Uh huh, sure," Buffy said, pulling out the weapon and hurling it at Caleb, missing his ear by a hair. "You're just this dumb priest and that's the ultimate weapon. Give it up, Horror. I know you," the flippant attitude faded as she pushed the rock off the pedestal, her voice harsh and her eyes cold. "And I know what you hide," she put her hand through the seemingly solid top of the pedestal and pulled out a single bladed axe. The handle was about 11 inches (30 centimetres) with a half-moon curved blade. On the centre of the blade was the same symbol as the back of her jacket. "And what you fear."

"I fear nothing!" Caleb said as his skin blackened. Large horns tore through his priest's tunic, claws extending from his hands. His face became insectoid, with large mandibles extending from his mouth. A tail waved behind him as his feet became talons.

"You will," Buffy said, raising the axe above her head as Caleb charge. Quickly, she traced a circle with the blade and brought the weapon down.

From the circle above her light shined down, enveloping her in brilliant light, causing Caleb to jerk back. When the light faded. Buffy was covered in red armour, symbols engraved along it's surface, with a wolf's head helmet enclosed around her head. In her hand, her axe was now 23 inches (about 60 centimetres) long, with dual blades in the shape of a butterfly's wings. The haft was inlaid with golden symbols, as was the blades, both of which had crimson edges.

Thje black creature that had been Caleb gave a roar and charged. The now armoured Buffy didn't make a sound as her armoured fist came up, catching Caleb in the jaw. The Horror went flying back with a roar of pain as Buffy gripped the haft of her axe in both hands, letting the blade fall vertical to the ground before darting forward to the rising Horror.

All Caleb saw was the shining red of her armour before she brought the axe up, cleaving through him easily and following through, stopping once she was facing in the opposite direction. Behind her, Caleb exploded into a cloud of gore, splattering blood everywhere. Buffy thought briefly about what the blood would do to a human should it ever touch their skin and was glad the guys didn't follow her that night.

Well, except maybe Kennedy. That bitch needed to rot in hell.


	6. Space, time, a Slayer and the Key

Everyone sing together, ready?

dundundundundundundundundundundun dun dun dun dundundundundundundundundundundun OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ...

Disclaimer: Don't own. Would love a TARDIS, though.

* * *

Buffy's night had hit rock bottom. Not only had her friends decided she wasn't capable to do her job, leaving her no option but to leave her own house, but now the Firsts goon were forcing her towards the high school, something she assumed was a bad thing.

"Only reason they'd want me on the Hellmouth would be as a sacrifice," she muttered. As she ran into an alley…

…And straight into a blue telephone box.

"Ow! And who left this in the middle of an alley?" The Slayer demanded. The sounds of Bringers running down the street soon snapped her back to reality as she grabbed the handle and tried to open the door. "Come on, who locks a phone booth?" she said through gritted teeth and she brought all her strength to bear. The door wouldn't budge. "Great, now what?" Buffy said, turning to look out the alley. Not seeing the door open. That only registered when she went to back against it and fell inside, hitting her head, hard, as she landed.

* * *

_TARDIS_

"Well, that's unexpected," the Doctor said as the TARDIS's door opened, completely on its own apparently to allow a petite blonde shape entrance. Said shape, apparently as shocked as the Doctor, fell hard hitting her head on the ground. The Doctor moved quickly to her side, mainly to send her back through the door and to her own time, when he noticed the army of deformed Bringers bearing down on them. Wide eyed and scared for the wellbeing of his TARDIS, the Time Lord reached out and slammed the door shut, locking it firmly (and double checking this time). He looked down at the new arrival, somewhat annoyed. "Well, this is just beautiful," he muttered, turning to the central console. "I suppose there's a reason you just did this? Because I know for a fact that that door was locked," as if in answer, the massive room began to shake as the familiar (to the Doctor) grinding, whining sound of the TARDIS travelling through time rang through the room. "Well, I'll take that as a yes. And that would be?" His ever silent companion, as always, said nothing as it flew through the Void, leaving the Doctor wondering just what was going on.

* * *

_Later_

"Where am I?" Buffy moaned, sitting up slowly.

"The TARDIS," an unfamilar British voice said. "Currently flying through the Void to an as yet unknown destination. Who are you?"

"Uh...Buffy," she said, getting up and looking at the owner of the voice, a man dressed in a brown suit and white converse. Definitely not the height of fashion. "Um...who are you?"

"The Doctor," was the answer. The look on his face said he was expecting a confused answer. Well, time to surprise him then.

"The Doctor?" Buffy said, her eyes narrowing. "_The_ Doctor? Banished from England by Queen Victoria the First, that Doctor? Sir Doctor of TARDIS?"

"How did you know that?" The Doctor asked. Buffy shrugged.

"According to Giles, all Slayers are warned about you. Apparently you attract trouble," she gave a sad, wry smile. "Apparently, we're not too different."

"Slayer?" the Doctor's eyes bulged. "Buffy? Buffy Summers?" the odd man let out a laugh. "You're her! You're Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Oh, this is brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!"

"It is?" Buffy said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh yes, it is," the Doctor confirmed. "You, my girl, are famous. Well, not yet, but you will be. Give it about a decade you'll be the pinnacle of Slayers everywhere, the measure of a Slayers worth. You'll change the world. I'd say it's already begun."

"Great," Buffy said. "Famous. So famous my friends prefer a criminal over me to lead them. I mean, sure, Faith's working on the whole psycho murderer thing, but..."

"Oh, up to that then, are we, hm..." the odd British man looked like he was thinking before a massive grin spread over his face. "How would you like a holiday?"

"I'd love one, but I need to take care of the First," Buffy said. Besides which, if even half of the reports on the Doctor Giles had shown her were true, it wouldn't be much of a holiday.

"Oh I know about that," he said. "Quite a bother you've been caught up in with the First. Quite the bother. Pan dimensional beings like that are always more trouble than they're worth. I remember the time I met Charles Dickens, well one of them anyway..."

"Wait, you met Charles Dickens?" Buffy asked. The Doctor flashed her his best 'trust me' smile.

"Several times, but the time I'm referring to has to do with 'ghosts' that were really beings from another dimension trying to take over," he explained. "Partly my fault, they fed me this really sad story though. Kind of like my own..." he voice trailed off and pain to great to mention flashed over his face for an instant, then it was gone and he was all cheerful again. "Anyway, I meant after you take care of the First. I'll even let you get a nights rest here on the TARDIS then drop you at the Scythe's resting place tomorrow."

"Scythe?" Buffy questioned. Just how much did he know? And how did he know what he knew?

"Oh you'll find out tomorrow," he said. "Well?"

"Well..." Buffy began. The odd man pet the console he was standing next, which Buffy hadn't even noticed. _Nice one, Summers, _she thought, looking around at the odd round room she was standing in.

"Did I mention we're currently travelling through time?" he said with a 'go on, I dare you' look on his face.

"Not really," Buffy said. Well that explains a bit. And this guy's bubbly personality was really infectious. "Ah why not? But didn't you say we were flying to parts unknown?"

"That's where the nights rest comes in," he said. "As soon as we stop, I'll redirect to the vineyard where the Scythes hidden. Sound good?"

"Yeah sure," she agreed. "So, where can I...?"

"Go through that door," he said, pointing to her left. "Go straight, left, right, left, straight, past the bins, take another left, through the garden and right and you're there. Good night," The Doctor then turned back to the console, returning to his impossible quest of getting the TARDIS to behave itself.

Buffy blinked at his odd behaviour before heading through the door. If this was what she had in store, maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

_Following the collapse of Sunnydale_

"So...what now?" Willow asked her. Buffy tore her eyes away from the hole that had been her home for seven years.

"Well..." Buffy began slowly. "How about a holiday?" Everyone stopped and stared at her.

"Sounds good to me," Faith agreed.

"Buffy I really don't think now is the time to go on a holiday," Giles admonished her. Buffy gave him a scowl. Here we go with the responsibility speech, she thought.

"Then when is, Giles?" She asked him before he could get rolling. "How long have I been doing this without a break? Not counting when I was dead?"

"What about us?" Xander demanded. "What about the new Slayers...?"

"Where are you going?" Dawn asked. "And can I come?" Everyone looked at her in shock. "What? She's right. She's gone near five years, at least, without a holiday that wasn't of the 'rest in peace' kind. Why shouldn't she get a chance to rest? Besides, Faith can fill in. And like you said Xander, plenty of new Slayers."

"But..." Xander began. He was cut off again by a grinding, groaning noise that reminded Dawn of a cross between a rusty anchor being pulled up and humpback whale mating. Giles's jaw dropped as, next to the bus a blue Police box from the sixties appeared.

"Good Lord..." he whispered. "What the devil...?" The door opened and out stepped the Doctor, dressed in his pinstripe suit and Converse sneakers, with a brown coat over it all. He walked past them, looking over the side of the crater.

"What a mess," he said. "You do know how to throw a party, don't you?"

"Yeah, well, why leave the town standing when you can just bury the Hellmouth?" Buffy asked with a grin. The Doctor gave a chuckle.

"Well, that is one way of putting it, I suppose," he admitted, turning to face the group. There was a flash of anger in his eyes as he remembered how her 'friends' had been so willing to abandon her, without weapons of any kind, to the darkness of Sunnydale before his normal, cheerful demeanour took over. "Let's get going then shall we?" he asked Buffy, rubbing his hands together. "Much to do, much to see in six months. Well, six months for them, could be a lot longer for us. Depends on if you want to go for a little longer."

"Mind if my sister comes along?" Buffy asked. The Doctor looked at the younger Summers for a moment.

"Oooooooohhh... I don't see why not. The more the merrier and all that," he said after feigning thought. "Let's go then."

"Now hang on..." Xander began. The Doctor turned to him, his cheery disposition melting away and showing the one the Daleks called 'the Oncoming Storm'.

"Don't," he hissed. "Don't even think about it. This girl – no, this young woman has done a LOT more for this planet than anyone before her. She has gone far, _far_ beyond the call of duty."

"Wh-what do you mean?" Willow asked. The power that flowed of this man was incredible. Incredible and frightening.

"When do Slayer's 'retire'?" The Doctor asked them seriously. They all looked among each other.

"When they die, I suppose," Giles said, his voice trailing off. "Oh. Oh, yes. Well, I-I suppose you do have a point there."

"Wanna explain that to us, Giles?" Xander asked. "Because I missed it."

"She died," it was Andrew, surprisingly enough, that answered, having gotten over his shock of the blue box appearing out of thin air. "Twice, I think it was, wasn't it, Mr Giles?"

"Um, yes, yes it was," Giles said. "Technically, she should have, uh, retired after the Master drowned her and Kendra should have taken over."

"Four years of Slaying more than she should have done," the Doctor said, almost sounding like he was thinking deep thoughts. Buffy had to admit, he had a point, and she could see said point reaching the brains of her friends. "And then she dies again. Swan dive...right into tear in time and space. Now after something like that...you'd think she'd finally get some rest. Wouldn't you?" Willow's stricken look told him he'd said all he needed to. He slipped back into his cheery disposition. "Buffy, Dawn, are you coming? We really need to get going."

"Wait, how did he know my name?" Dawn asked. Buffy shook her head.

"Don't ask," Buffy said. "It's enough to make your head explode," she looked at her friend, their faces showing their own distress. "Six months," she said. Then, remembering a warning he'd given her after they'd landed at the vineyard about an hour after she'd already retrieved the Scythe and had to re-do the trip, she added, "Give or take."

"I'm leaving," the Doctor said, poking his head out of the door.

"Coming, Doctor," Buffy said, dragging Dawn behind her. The Scoobies watched as the police box vanished with the same noise as earlier before the last thing Buffy had said registered.

"Doctor?" He said out loud, blinking. "As in...oh my Lord."

"Oh that isn't good," Xander said flatly.

* * *

_TARDIS_

"Oh...my...God," Dawn said in shock as she looked around the massive control room. "How...?"

"She's bigger on the inside," Buffy said, moving to the centre console where the Doctor was playing with buttons and dials. "So...you gonna teach me how to pilot her?"

"Oh I might," the Doctor said with a grin.

"Wait, she?" Dawn asked, running up to join them, nearly getting knocked over by the shaking. "Doc, you seriously need to install inertial dampeners."

"Well, it's a much smoother ride with six. I'm sorry, what did you call me?" He explained and then asked in rapid succession.

"Doc," Dawn said. "And you still haven't explained the 'she' part," Dawn said. Buffy looked at the Doctor for a moment. He gave a smile, taking Dawn's arm by thte wrist.

"Here," he said, putting her hand on the central, glowing column. "Let me introduce you."

And suddenly Dawn was surrounded by light and power and welcome, welcome, he's been so lonely, so very lonely...

Dawn jerked her hand away and the odd sensation faded to a buzz at the edge of her senses. "S-she's alive!"

"Ya, apparently," Buffy said, looking at the Doctor questioningly. "What did you...?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all," the Doctor said. "The Key isn't so dissimilar from the Vortex at the heart of the TARDIS. The containment unit stops the Vortex from getting out of control. BUT if a similar entity were to get close enough they could communicate. Well, kind of, sort of. Its only ever happened once, absolutely fascinating. According to the records the TARDIS in question managed to briefly exist in multiple points of time at once. Only temporary of course, but still, absolutely fascinating, with no harm to either of them," Dawn looked at her hand, then the console.

"She's...worried," Dawn said, looking at the Doctor. "About you. Says you've been lonely."

"Yes, well, sometimes it's better to travel alone," the Time Lord said. "Less chance of being hurt that way."

"Bull shit," Buffy said. "More chance of being killed that way. Trust me, I know."

"Maybe..." he said slowly. Suddenly he snapped out of his thoughtful daze. "Well, enough with that, hey? Where to? Past, present, future? Other planets, other galaxies, take your pick. Come on, give her a challenge, I think the old girls aching to show off, hm? What do you say, come on, come on," he's like a kid looking for a new toy, Dawn thought.

"Anywhere?" Buffy said. "Any when?" the Doctor nodded eagerly, an almost childlike smile on his face.

"Come on," he said, reaching for a button. "Let's see where she takes us, hm?"

* * *

_Himalaya Mountain Ranges  
1953_

The whining, groaning sound as the TARDIS faded into view was partially muted by the wailing of the winds outside. Inside, three travellers were looking at the Doctor's view screen.

"It's snowing."

"So it appears."

"It looks cold out there."

"Does rather."

"Where are we?"

"I think you mean when are we, Buffy," the Summers sister's, Buffy and Dawn, looked at the Doctor expectantly as he worked the TARDIS's controls.

"Well, we appear to be..." the Doctor said, looking at the screen. "Earth..."

"Earth?" Dawn sounded a bit...dissapointed.

"...In 1953," the Doctor continued. "The Himalaya's."

"The Himalaya's?" Dawn asked. "1953? Why does that sound familiar...?"

"Don't look at me," Buffy said. "I'm the smash 'em, crash 'em girl. I don't do to well with dates and times."

"Especially the dating bit," Dawn muttered, looking at the screen. "Wait a minute... Himalayas! 1953! Everest!"

"What?" Buffy asked.

"29th of May, 1953, Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay became the first men to climb to the summit of Mt Everest, the tallest peak in the world," Dawn said, her eyes wide.

"Well done, Dawn, well done indeed," the Doctor said with a grin. "And lucky for us, it's March. We should be able to witness their famous climb's beginning."

"We get to watch them start the climb?" Dawn was bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Awesome!"

"Might want to rug up," Buffy said. "It looks cold out there."

"Plenty of clothes," the Doctor said. "Come on, I'll lead you to the wardrobe."

The 'wardrobe' was soon to become Buffy's favourite room. Well, at least until she saw the swimming pool.

Ten minutes later (the Doctor promised Buffy she'd get a chance to thoroughly explore the wardrobe) the three travellers exited the TARDIS, the two Summers sisters dressed in thick, warm coats, with the Doctor in his regular ensemble.

"How the hell are you not freezing?" Buffy asked.

"Time Lord physiology, this is like a day at the beach to me," the Doctor said smugly. "Well, not quite, I suppose, but still. Not too chilly."

"You're...ow!" Buffy said suddenly, griping the side of her head. "Owwie."

"Buffy?" Dawn asked, grabbing her sisters arm worriedly.

"Something's...wrong..." Buffy grimaced. "Head...feels like it's...gonna... ARGH!"

"Buffy!" Dawn shouted as the Doctor went to Buffy's other side.

"Of course what was I thinking?" He shouted at himself. "I wasn't, that's what. So much happening, so much stuff inside, not enough room for common sense, need somewhere else to store it."

"Doctor?" Dawn asked, wondering if the man had flipped his lid. He ignored her, gripping Buffy's head in his hands.

"Buffy, listen to me," he said forcibly. "Listen to me!"

"Head...loud..." she muttered painfully, eyes squeezed shut.

"I know, but I need you to ignore it. Focus on my voice. On my voice only! Nothing else, not the wind, not the snow, not the noise. Just me."

"D-Doctor?" Buffy whispered. "What...?"

"My own stupid fault, didn't think about it," he said gently. "Away from the Hellmouth there's nothing to interfere..." his face took on a look of intense concentration and suddenly the pain was gone. Well, not gone, but lessened. It still existed like a dull buzz in the back of her mind. "And I'm sorry," he continued as she opened her eyes, seeing the guilt on his face. "I'm so sorry I didn't. Because now you have to deal with it all at once instead of gradually like I'd originally planned. But it's been so long, I'd almost forgotten how fragile the human mind is."

"Not fragile," Buffy muttered. "Just not used to hearing EVERYTHING at once. What the hell was that?"

"Everything?" A shaken Dawn queried. "What the hell's going on? What did you do? What happened to her?"

"Slayer's have mental abilities beyond the norm," the Doctor. "You probably figured that from the prophetic dreams, but it's so, so much more than just that. Away from Hellmouths and demons and other things that put a strain on you, dampen the abilities, Slayers are one of the most psychically apt beings in the universe. Even Time Lords, with all our brains and technology, only have a fraction of what a Slayer is capable of, psychically."

"Wait, I'm psychic?" Buffy asked. "How does that explain the fact my head was registering the Earth spinning?"

"Psychic is only a part of it," the Doctor said, standing up. "Time Lords and Slayers are similar, maybe even related. Someone from my home planet, someone from Gallifrey, can sense the very essence of time itself. We can tell when something is wrong in the time line, we can sense the ripples in time, and you, my girl," he smiled at Buffy, a big, devil may care smile. "Are almost one big ripple, from all the times your defied destiny. I can almost see time converging around you, the stops and starts where you've died and come back, the near misses. It's almost like the best trip you'll ever have."

"So what does that have to do with what happened?" Dawn asked.

"Well, like I can sense time, Slayers can sense the Earth," the Doctor explained. "It's movements, it's seasons. Where something is wrong, the Hellmouths, negative points, everything. Now, the Council used to help a Slayer use that ability. Now, they're more interested in stifling it with their tests and sending partly trained Slayers to Hellmouths when they don't even know what they can do. Without that training, the Hellmouth, all that random rift energy, can stifle the Slayer's growth. And if a Slayer were to leave the Hellmouth, untrained..."

"Brain goes kablooey," Buffy said, rubbing her forehead.

"...Yes, well, that's one way of putting it I suppose," the Doctor said.

"What about the new Slayers, and Faith?" Dawn asked. "Are they...?"

"Oh, God, Doctor, we have to..."

"It won't affect them," the Doctor said. "Well, as much. The new Slayers are only beginning to find their power. It will grow as they do, and eventually, when they realise it, steps can be made. Faith hasn't had as long stint as the Slayer, and since she hasn't had as strong Hellmouth energy stifling her, well, her powers had a chance to grow. She should start realising something fairly soon."

"But because Buffy was on the Hellmouth so long, and was a Slayer for 8 years, her powers were too strong for her to leave the Hellmouth without training, right?" Dawn said, figuring it out. "But that doesn't explain what you did."

"I became a filter," the Doctor said. "Blocking out a majority of the signals until Buffy's ready to deal with it.."

"But what about you?" Buffy asked. She hated the idea of someone taking her pain.

"Oh, don't worry about little ol' me," the Doctor said. "Gallifreyans are connected psychically, I'm used to a whole race rambling around my head. This is nothing. Drop in the ocean. Star dust in space. Easy. Let's go watch that climb shall we?" He moved off quickly, before either Summers could answer.

"He's...kinda random," Dawn said. Buffy shrugged.

"Makes it more fun trying to figure him out, I guess," she said.

"And you?

"I'll deal," Buffy said as they followed after him. "I always do."

"_We_ always do," Dawn corrected her. The Slayer gave a small grin.

"Right. We."

"Well? What are you waiting for? Allons'y!"

"I could get to like him though," Buffy admitted. Dawn nodded.

"Yup, me too."


	7. Daughter of

This one's Iceflame55's fault. Just so's you all know.

Disclaimer: Still not mine. Still wish it was.

* * *

"You look displeased," Buffy gritted her teeth, trying not to turn around. "Is this not what you wanted.

"What do you want, Mephisto?"

"One of these days you're going to treat your father with the respect I deserve," he scowled.

"A nuke to the face?" she quipped, looking at the destruction her outburst had caused. The entire 'factory' ad been levelled, all who were still inside at the time, vaporised. "I could manage that, I think."

"Oh, but isn't it impressive?" Mephisto asked, stepping up beside her. "All this power, all the damage you can cause... why do you hold back?"

"Um, duh?" she snarked. "This on Earth? Aside from the lives lost..."

"No big deal there," Mephisto shrugged. "Hundreds of souls that were on their way to me anyway."

"I'd rather not have to face off against the Avengers," she finished.

"Oh rubbish," Mephisto waved her off. "With proper training, they wouldn't even stand a chance."

"Right," Buffy snorted. "And you could give me that after how long just watching?"

"Of course," Mephisto said. "I've been waiting for this! You have unleashed your power. You are finally ready to learn."

"And if I don't want to?" Buffy snapped. "You're little deals have never been worth anything to me before, now you want to step in?"

"And you would rather just what? Rot like one of them?" Mephisto spat. "You are greater than those meatbags. You are my daughter!"

"Am I?" Buffy asked. "Because if you ask me, I'm the daughter of Hank Summers."

"A useful pawn, but a pawn none the less," Mephisto snorted derisively. "Elizabeth, my dear girl," his tone changed to something smooth, oily. _Like a used car salesman,_ Buffy thought. "It is time for you to accept the truth of who and what you are: my heir, my daughter and the young woman who will help me bring hell to earth."

"Not interested," Buffy said, walking past him and towards the exit. "Choose someone else," Mephisto said nothing as she walked out on him.

"Run, my dear," he whispered. "Run to your mother, your friends who don't really know you. I'm a patient being and we have all of eternity. In the end, you will come to me of your own free will..." he reached into the shadows and pulled out the shaken, burned but still living 'Ken'. "Until then... I shall have to amuse myself elsewhere.


	8. Iron Knight

So... here's one I don't do much of: Xander the Hero, Buffy as support. It's not that I don't LIKE Xander, it's that I don't like what fanfic writers tend to do with the character: primarily, Gary-Stu to the max, usually tied to making Buffy out as a bitch, incompetent or a mewling sycophant, an instant romantic win. Yes, she has her flaws (that fact she has those flaws are, in my opinion, what make her such a well rounded character: she isn't perfect and does make mistakes.) These are just usually magnified to the maximum in an attempt to make Xander look better. Likewise, Xander's flaws (his black and white view of the world, hypocrisy and general bent towards those that don't fit his view of 'human' to the point of almost seeming racist) are minimised or completely removed.

Now, before anyone jumps in, yes Buffy is different in this fic. However, I don't believe I have completely removed her flaws. She is only forgiving due to a certain event that gave her a kind of clarity. Is she happy with what happened? No. But she's been forced to confront her own mistakes and accept that she can't do anything. Future chapters would have shown she was still the strong headed, willful and at times thickheaded person she's always been. However, i kind of reached a brickwall wtih the ic, so... it goes here.

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

* * *

_Crawford Manor_

"Buffy?" Xander Harris, founding member of the Scooby Gang, looked around the old mansion with some trepidation. The last he'd seen the Slayer had been a week ago, when it had been decided (to his shame) unanimously to remove her from leadership and kick her out of her house. She had looked broken, betrayed, as she had a right to. Her actions notwithstanding, they'd had no right to kick her out of her own house, let alone turn their backs on her as they did.

"In the ballroom, Xand," came the reply. She didn't sound broken though. She sounded…out of breath, actually. Xander peered into the room questioningly.

Around the room were several rather high-tech looking machines, with Buffy and several technicians pouring over the read outs. In the centre of the room…well, Xander could hardly believe what he was seeing at the centre.

The red and gold armoured shell that was known throughout the world.

"What are you waiting for, Xander, get in here," Buffy said.

"Buffy…" Xander said, trying to wrap his head around what he was seeing. "Buffy, that's…"

"The Iron Man armour," Buffy confirmed. "Well, a prototype for the next generation. I convinced uncle Tony to send it down for…testing."

"Uncle…Your uncle's Tony Stark?"

"You ever wonder _how_ I could keep the house going with low paying jobs like what I had?"

"Well…no…" Xander said slowly. "So…testing?"

"You're right," Buffy said. "We needed backup. Just not something the First would see coming. I figured Shell Head would be suitably surprising. And it doesn't know. The manor, the technicians…all of it's been warded by Doctor Strange."

"Holy mother of God…" Xander wheezed as Buffy slid an amulet around his neck.

"And now the secrets safe. And so is our pilot."

"Huh?"

"The armour's a bit big for me, Xand," Buffy said with a smile. "And Uncle Tony's occupied. So, I thought of you."

"Duh…huh?"

"What part are you having problems with?" Buffy asked.

"You know how to work this stuff?" He asked dumbly. Buffy smiled.

"Uncle Tony showed me how to work the armour after I called him looking for some weapons against Glory," she said sadly. "Help came too late. Dawn met him outside the town," Xander gave a wince. "So, I'm going to be your handler, and you are going to kick the First's…" there was a crackle, sparks burned through Buffy's pants as she fell to the floor. "Damn it!"

"Buffy!" Xander said, moving a little late to catch her, instead making himself happy to kneel by her side. "Can I get a doctor…?"

"I don't need a doctor," Buffy growled angrily. "I need my chair," Xander stared at the holes in her pants. And the metal frame beneath.

"What the…?"

"That's the other reason I can't use the armour," Buffy said. "Couple of nights ago I was attacked. If Uncle Tony hadn't convinced War Machine to come out of retirement, I'd be dead. As it is, my back's screwed up. I won't be able to walk unless they get this damn exo skeleton to work."

"Oh God," Xander breathed hoarsely. "This is…all my fault."

"Oh, I'm sure there was more than enough blame to share around, kid," the large, dark man said as he walked towards them, pushing what looked like a really high tech wheel chair towards them.

"Knock it off, Rhodey," Buffy said. "My mistakes cost him an eye. This is karma."

"No, this is a level of stupid that surpasses the Spot," Rhodey said. "One, you shouldn't have been out there alone, at night, without a weapon. Two, they kicked you out of your house, which they wouldn't be living in if Tony hadn't bought the mortgage."

"Huh?"

"Three, this isn't some nice, clean super hero battle you've got going here. This is war. People die in war…"

"Rhodey…"

"You may not like it, but you damn well better learn to live with it," Rhodey put Buffy gently in the chair. "If Tony didn't have that meeting with SHIELD's brains trust, he'd be here giving them a piece of his mind. In full armour."

"And I thank God he isn't," Buffy said, locking herself in place. "I do like Sunnydale in one piece."

"Um…yeah, me too," Xander said. "So…what exactly is the deal going to be with this?"

"You fly it, I make sure you don't crash into anything," Buffy said. "Any questions?"

"You're not going to call this a crash course, are you?" He asked nervously.

"She might," Rhodey said. "I call it boot camp."

"I think I prefer crash course."

* * *

_Next night_

"I have a suggestion. More ventilation is needed. I'm feeling claustrophobic in this thing."

"You have no idea how many times I told Tony about that one," Rhodey said. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"I'll make a note of it," she said from her console. Xander turned his head to face her.

"God, this things hard to move in," he complained.

"That's 'cause the power plants on minimum output and the servos are off," Buffy explained, tapping away at the buttons. "We need to get a reading on your brain wave patterns before we do that."

"It's worth it," Rhodey interjected again, remembering his own bout of problems from using armour set for Tony's brainwaves. Not a pleasant time in his life.

"And you need to do this from in here because…?"

"You need to get used to it," Buffy said. "Now, stop complaining and try to relax, okay? I'm almost done."

"And once again, I'm damn impressed," Xander said. "I didn't know you were…well…"

"This smart?" Buffy asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Trust me, Xander, the blonde moron act is just that. An act. Why do you think you never saw my final grades?"

"Cause it was worse than mine?" Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Thanks a lot," she muttered. "Actually, it was about as high as Willows. Her confidence at that point was still pretty poor, though. If she saw it, she would've be questioning her place in the group," Xander had to admit that was true. "Alright, I think we're done. Hold on to your hat."

"Love to," Xander said. "But I can't move my arms."

"That's about to change," Rhodey said. "Just don't move."

"Huh?"

"Power plants up," Buffy said, shaking her head. "Stop provoking him, Rhodey."

"Whoa!" There was a whir of servos as Xander's arms shot up. "Holy smoke!"

"You alright there, Xand-man?" Buffy asked with a giggle.

"Uh, yeah," Xander said, lowering his arms. "Wow. This is amazing. Why couldn't we do this earlier?"

"Because it's running off your brain waves," Buffy said, shaking her head. Kid with a new toy. Or just plain kid. "Don't do anything to strenuous for a second. We need to work the kinks out on the processors between your brain and the armour's systems."

"Sure, okay," Xander said. "Kinks out is good. Hey, x-ray!"

"Don't even think about it, Harris," Buffy said.

"Yes, ma'am," Xander said, throwing off a snappy salute. "So...when do I get to fly?"

"Once you can walk properly," Rhodey said.

"Aw..."

* * *

_One week later_

"I changed my mind," Xander said, looking out of the door of the Stark Industires jet, decked in full armour. "I don't wanna fly. I'll walk around. Walking is good."

"You tryin' to give me and Tony a bad name?" Rhodey, decked out himself in full War Machine regalia, asked.

"If it saves me from becoming a pancake, YES!" Xander answered.

"_Relax, Xander,"_ Buffy said over their comms. _"I have remote access to your armour from here. I can hit the turbines from here if I need to."_

"You sure all that works?" Xander asked. "'Cause I'm having bad..."

"_Do you trust me Xander?"_ The words cut through him like a knife. Once upon a time she wouldn't even have had to ask. He closed his eyes, taken a deep breath.

"With my life," he said, taking a step out of the plane.

"Hold on!" War Machine yelled, grabbing for him. "Damn!"

"_Xander, you could have waited til I explained the activation sequance!"_ Buffy screamed. Xander realized there that he had no idea what he was doing.

"Ah CRAAAAAAAAAAAP!"

"_Alright, calm down,"_ Buffy said. _"We'll have to override the regular emergancy protocols. You can do this, Xand."_

"Me?"

"_Voice activation is Override Harris Alpha One. It's the only way."_

"Override Harris Alpha One! Override Harris Alpha One!" Xander said desperately.

'_Emergancy sequances overridden. Commands?'_

"Activate jet boosters! NOW!" Seconds later (and seconds from reaching the point where Buffy would take over) Xander booster went online, sending him streaking across the skyline. "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

"_Xander? Xander! Can you hear me?"_

"YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAA!" Xander screamed. "This is so cool!" A sigh of relief was heard from Buffy's end.

"_Dammit, Harris, you EVER scare me like that again, legs or no legs, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"_

"Got it," Xander said with a grin. "Next time, read the manual."

"You know, if you pull something like that again, I'm not scrapping you off the pavement after she pounds you," War Machine said as he flew up next to Xander.

"I'm on my own in the face of Buffy's wrath, got it," Xander said. "Thought you were supposed to be a super hero. Save insignificant mortals and all that."

"Hate to break this to you, _Shellhead, _but so are you."

"Oh...damn..."

* * *

_Two nights later_

Xander re-entered the manor, his feet dragging. His life sucked.

"You look like Cap just spit in your face, kid," Rhodey said as he walked up to meet him. "What happened?"

"Same thing that happened to Buffy," the one-eyed carpenter said. "Only this time the First got involved. Made it seem like I was working for it since it can't sense me anymore."

"And of course they bought it."

"Hook line and sinker," Xander confirmed. "Quote-unquote 'come anywhere near us and we kill you'."

"Then let's make sure they don't know you're you," Buffy said as she rolled out to them, looking at Xander seriously. "It's time."

* * *

Xander stepped into the 'armour chamber' heaving a deep breath as he grabbed the first piece. This was big. Really big. The Zeppo was about to be a hero.

It scared the crap out of him.

"Second thoughts?" Buffy asked.

"Is this what it was like for you every night?" Xander asked. She nodded grimly.

"Yeah, pretty much. Fate of the world and all I had was a stick," she confirmed. "Least you can do a bit more damage."

"Yeah, that helps," Xander muttered. "Alright let's get this over with."

Moments later, Sunnydale echoed with the roar of jet boosters as the Golden Avenger streaked across the skies.

* * *

"You guys aren't going to believe this," Faith said as she led the Potentials in from patrol that night. "Hell I don't believe it."

"What is it, Faith?" Giles asked.

"I just saw Iron Man," everyone stopped. One pair of eyes in particular looked up from the food she was preparing.

"Are you sure?" Willow asked. "I mean, it might have been a demon or..."

"Red and gold armour, lasers out of the hand, the whole works," Faith reported. "Why the hell would he be in a burg like this hunting demons?" _Good question,_ Dawn thought, grabbing the phone and heading upstairs.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Miss Dawn, Master Tony is currently unavailable," Jarvis said over the phone.

"Can the crap, Jarvis, we saw him in Sunnydale," Dawn said.

"That's quite impossible. Mr Stark is currently in a meeting with SHIELD over a new contract."

"Bull, I have reports that Iron Man is flying around Sunnydale," Dawn spat. "I thought Buffy had an 'in case of emergency' agreement with him and the other heroes."

"Perhaps you should ask Buffy then?" The comment was scathing for Jarvis (meaning it was delivered without the usual professionalism the butler to the Avengers used) that put Dawn's oncoming rant on hold.

"Y-you know?"

"As does Master Tony and he is very disappointed in you," Jarvis said. "Now, as I said, Master Tony is currently unavailable. If there is an Iron Man flying around then I would suggest you ask him who he is, because it most certainly is not hi..." there was a loud explosion in the background which caused Jarvis to sigh. "If you'll excuse me, Miss Dawn, I believe we're being attacked. Again," without any further words, Jarvis hung up, leaving Dawn sitting on her bed, holding the phone with tears in her eyes. For JARVIS of all people to talk like that, then Tony wasn't the only one disappointed.

And in all honestly, Dawn didn't know which hurt more.

* * *

_One hour later_

_The Manor_

"You know, I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of that," Xander said as he stepped out of the armour chamber.

"Glad you enjoy it," Buffy said, looking up form his monitors. "We're getting good telemetry. This generation may just be the most powerful yet."

"That'd be good," Xander said, walking up behind her, looking over the data on the screen. "Yup, looks good."

"You have no idea what any of that means, do you?"

"Not a clue!"

"Just checking," Buffy chuckled as a note appeared on scren. "Oh, call from Avenger's Mansion."

"I'm not home!" Xander said with a panicked look. Buffy chuckled, answering the phone.

"Hello? Jarvis, hi! How's my favourite British butler guy? They give you a codename yet? Ah, it'll happen. So to what do I owe the pleasure of this call? A what? Is everyone alright...? That's good... Oh. That's not entirely unexpected," Xander blinked as Buffy began using rather large words, and correctly. Well, that was... new. "Thanks for the heads up, Jarvis. No, I don't think there's any chance of running into her at the moment... Seriously, Jarvis, I'm stuck in a bloody wheelchair, I don't get to go out and dance the hot fandango as often as I used to... No, she definitely has no idea where I am, or else we'd have the First's goons on our backs... Yeah, well... Thanks for the warning, take care of everyone. Should I send Rhodey back east? Alright, gotcha. Seeya..." Buffy let out a sigh as she cut the connection. "Dawn's asking questions."

"Oh..." Xander said slowly. "That didn't take long."

"Nope."

"so... what do we do?" He asked. Buffy looked up at him.

"Plan hasn't changed," she said. "We need to get Faith to look in on the vineyard. The others aren't going to fly with that, so we'll have to lure her in. Dawn's questions should only make it easier."

"How you figure that?" Rhodey asked, coming in.

"She's suspicious," Buffy told him. "That means they aren't going to entirely trust the Iron Man flying about. Should be easy to lure Faith to the vineyard and inside. Her and Xander can find whatever's hidden under there..."

"Uh, Buff, no offence..." Xander began. Buffy shook her head.

"Satellite tracking is picking up a lot of heat under the main building," Buffy said, pulling the satelite image up. "It's centered around a very small object. I don't know what it is and since the First doesn't know we have the tech, I doubt it's a trap."

"So, you were right," Xander said apologetically. "Have I mentioned how really, really sorry about that I am?" Rhodey gave a loud snort.

"It's fine, Xander," Buffy said, looking at Rhodey pointedly. "Alright, give it another couple of days. Then we lure her in. I should have something special ready in case Caleb's waiting for her."

"Special?" Xander asked, perking up. "As in 'kill the eyeball crushing priest guy'?"

"Oh, you'll like this, Xand," Buffy said with a grin.


	9. Passing the Torch

"Oh look. Kamen Rider W! I bet no one who knows me is at all surprised. XD

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it yet.

* * *

Harry Potter. The Boy-Who-Lived. The Gryffindor Golden Boy. Defeater of Voldemort (twice, though not many knew or believed the stories of last year). The young man many think will end up being the apprentice of Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dubmledore himself.

Right now, however, he was extremely worried. His best friend (sorry, Ron), Hermione Granger, was missing and with Slytherin's monster roaming around the place, Harry didn't think it was safe for her to be wandering around alone. So he headed for the one place he knew she'd be. Her 'Sanctum Sanctorum' (damn Dudley and his comics).

The Library.

"Excuse me, Madam Pince?" the strict Librarian looked at him pointedly. "Have you seen Hermione?" Her mouth twitched, just slightly as she nodded towards a corner at the back of the Library, just in time for Harry to see his bushy haired friend pop out, vanishing into the stacks and shelves. "Thank you," he nodded, heading intot he corner to wait for Hermione. What he saw was... well, what he'd expect from Hermione in Study Mode, for the most part. Books were strew all over the table, except for one section covered in parchment with words, each one with a cross through them. No sentances, just... words. He was about to start reading through the list before Hermione appeared. No acknowledgement she just put the books she had on the table and began opening them, flicking through the pages seemingly at random, jotting down the odd word here and there.

"Um... Hermione?"

"Sh. Busy. With you in a tick," she muttered, jotting down a few more words. "Nothing there, I'm missing something..."

"Hermione?"

"Sh. Busy."

"But..."

"Sh," she said again, standing straight. "Okay, let's try this again. Beginning look up," there was a momentary green glow as she closed her eyes, opening them minutes later with a perturbed look on her face as she wrote down three words then crossed them out. "What am I missing, what piece don't I have..."

"Um... Hermione?" The girl blinked, turning around slowly.

"Harry?"

"Yes, Hermione?" Harry asked with a small smile.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to witness your bibliophile ways in full swing," he remarked, looking at the scroll. "What's this?"

"Keywords," Hermione groused. "I can't figure out what I'm missing."

"Um... keywords?"

"It, uh... helps my research," Hermione said. Harry shot a look at her. "Really!"

"Except when you can't come up with any," Harry said humorously. Hermione pouted.

"Alright, smarty, you try and find what I'm missing," she said pointedly. Harry looked over the list. Parseltongue... night... Slytherin...

"Spiders," he said. Hermione blinked. "Me and Ron saw some spiders running from where I heard the voice once."

"I... that might work," she said, closing her eyes enveloped in green again. Her eyes opened minutes later, a smile on her face. "Bingo!" she said, racing out to the shelves. Harry blinked after her, waiting til she returned with a book in hand, already open.

"Basilisk," she read. "a snake-like creature of the darkest origins. Can be killed by the crowing of a rooster..."

"Hagrid's roosters were the first things killed," Harry said.

"... Can kill by staring directly at it's victim, but indirect staring can cause petrification," she continued. "Spiders fear it, can live for centuries... Harry, I think you might be a genius!"

"Um... thanks?"

"We need to show this to the headmaster," Hermione stated, about to move out. Harry grabbed her arm.

"We need to be careful," he told her. "Or we could be next."

"But.."

"It's near curfew and we're nowhere near Gryffindor Tower," he reminded her. "I'll ask Madam Pince if she knows a short cut that'll keep us clear of anywhere the Basilisk might come out. We still don't know how it's moving through the castle..."

"Pipes," Hermioine offered. "I figured that out ages ago. You're hearing it through the wall, so it has to be the pipes."

"Big bloody pipes."

"Harry James Potter!"

"What?" Harry stated. "That thing's over a thousand years old! It'd be huge!"

"... Valid point. Still no need for the language."

"Yes, mum," he teased, earning a slight blush. "Let's go talk to Madam Pince. We'll see the Headmaster tomorrow."

Neither saw the black, silver, gold and green shape floating outside the window, watching them carefully.

* * *

_The next day  
8:00am  
In front of the Headmasters Office_\

"Fizzing Wizzbees!"

"Licorice Wands!"

"Jelly Babies!"

"Jelly babies?" Hermione asked as the gargoyle slide to one side. Harry shrugged.

"He reminds me of Doctor Who,"Hermione thought about that a moment.

"He kind of does, doesn't he?" she admitted as they ran up the steps, the book from last night in two. Ron was still snoring away, so the two had headed for the Headmaster alone.

"You know, you still haven't explained..."

"Later, Harry," Hermione said as they reached the office door. Harry lifted his hand to knock...

"Come in, Mr Potter, Miss Granger."

"How the b..."

"Harry..."

"...Bertie Bott's Every-Flavoured Beans does he do that?" he said as they opened the door to see the Headmaster sitting behind his desk, paper word laid out in front of him in one of his infamous psychedelic robes. _Too freaking early to be blinded,_ Harry thought.

"Brilliant recovery, Mr Potter," the Headmaster said with a smile and a twinkle. "5 points to Gryffindor for your creativity."

"Uh, thanks," Harry said slowly.

"Now, what can I do for you both?"

"Slytherin's monster," Hermione said, opening the book in front of him. "We know what it is," Albus Dumbledore reached the book, placing it in front of him.

"Well done, both of you," Albus nodded. "You may have hit the nail right on the head, as the Muggles say. Though if you are right, then that puts us in more of a bind. We need to find it, and quickly, if we are to have a chance to stop this and, preferably, the Heir."

"Tom Riddle," Hermione said. Harry and Dumbledore both blinked at her. "Harry... Headmaster. There's something I need to tell you. And it can't leave this room," she looked at the paintings pointedly.

"Ah, finally going to spill the beans, Miss Granger," the three looked up at the Sorting Hat, who almost sounded pleased.

"Yes, Hat," she confirmed, looking back at her friend and Headmaster. "Everyone says I'm the smartest witch of our age. They're only partially right. I'm only smart because... well, I'm not sure what happened. A year before I got my Hogwarts letter, I woke up in a white place. Just... white, everywhere. Around me were books, shelves and shelves of books as far as the eye can see."

"Hermione Heaven," Harry chuckled, earning a glare. "Sorry..."

"I wasn't sure what was going on," Hermione continued. "Then..."

_1 year ago_

_Gaia Bookshelves._

"Oh," 10 year old Hermione Granger turned to look at the odd Asian man in a green hooded vest with a tail to his knees, black pants, yellow striped shirt and socks and brown boots. "It's not often I get a visitor here. How did you get here, little one?"

"I-I don't know," Hermione said. "Last I remember is lying down and going to sleep and then..."

"Interesting," the man said. "Shotaro and I are talking about retiring from being W and you appear here that very night."

"W? Shotaro? Who are you? Where am I? What's in all these books?"

"Everything," the man said with a smile. "Everything and anything. Everything the planet knows is stored within these books."

"E-Everything?" Hermiones eyes were like saucers as she reached for one of the books, only for her hand to pass through it. "What...?"

"You're not fully here," the man said. "Not yet. You still have a ways to go before you can access the books. I'd say you... 45% here. Impressive for your first time."

"Who are you?"

"My name is Raito Sonozaki. Everyone calls me Philip. And you have been chosen by the Earth itself."

_Hogwarts_

_Headmasters office_

_Now_

"So that's what you were doing," Harry said. "You can only access these books with keywords relating to what you're looking up. Like a library search engine in the Muggle world."

"Exactly," Hermione nodded. "When I looked up Slytherin's monster last night, I got all the details. It's first release, who did it, who got framed, who got killed," she looked pointedly at the Headmaster. "You know, you could call for Hagrid to be tried under Veritaserum. As Hagrid's sponsor and employer, you have a right to demand the truth."

"Hagrid?" Harry blinked. Albus nodded.

"Yes, he was accused of being the Heir some 40 years ago when the Chamber was opened," he confirmed.

"That makes no sense," Harry muttered. "I love the big lug, but Hagrid can't keep a secret that big!"


	10. Different Training

Naruto time! No crossover, but some influence from elsewhere.

Explanation: the secondary Rider from Kamen Rider Fourze, Meteor, is a user of the Seishin Dairinken (Star-Mind Large-Ring Fist), though it more resembles Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune do, complete with Bruce Lee's signature cries when launching kicks and punches. Which got me researching. And looking.

And suddenly Naruto's learning Jeet Kune Do from Danzo of all people. My mind is a strange place to visit.

Disclaimer: one day later, still don't own anything.

* * *

Shimura Danzo watched quietly as the 6 year old boy bashed his fists against the training post in the abandoned training ground. His movements were sloppy, completely wrong and totally pathetic, with no strength behind it at all. It would seem that the civilian council's plans to sabotage the boys education was well underway; six months in the Academy and he still had no grasp of the basics.

As it was, the Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, Uzumaki Naruto would be useless as a ninja, no skill, no prospects.

Perfect.

Danzo would have smile if he didn't think such actions were a useless by-product of equally useless emotions. The Hokage may have been happy to let the weapon rot, but Danzo was not .He had made sure to have his ROOT ANBU, under the guise of being regular villagers, to force Naruto here, to this old field near where the Kyuubi had attacked, where nobody ever went, for that reason; with Naruto hidden away, and the ambient energy left over from the Fox's attack shielding the field from the Hokage's crystal ball, he could train the boy with impunity. He couldn't train him as he normally would, removing all emotion, no, the old fool would realise something was wrong. But he could still mould the boy into a true weapon, with loyalties only to the Leaf. He would consider this an experiment of sorts: adding his training techniques to the boys emotional mindset and seeing what would be created. Yes, the end result would either be interesting or a catastrophic failure.

He stepped out of the shadows. "You are doing it wrong," the boy leaped six feet into the air, landing on top of the post, albeit not entirely stable.

"What the hell, you trying ta kill me!" The boy began to rant before realising Danzo wasn't a lost animal, but a villager. "Oh, shit!"

"Do not panic, boy," Danzo said, seeing the boy ready to rabbit. "I'm not here to hurt you."

"Bullshit!" Danzo winced. The boy's language was atrocious, his syntax nearly as bad. "You villagers're all the same! Ya probably..."

"That will do!" Danzo said forcibly. Naruto's jaw slammed shut and he fell off the post. "Now, if you are quite finished, as I was saying, I'm not here to hurt you. Indeed, I have been watching you for some time?"

"Me?" Naruto asked. "Why?"

"You have certain attributes I believe will make a fine ninja," Danzo said, laying the praise on a bit thick. "You think on your feet, you're fast, agile... most of the time," he added as an after thought. "And what you are taught properly, you have picked up quickly. That, however, is the problem."

"Wha'chu talkin' 'bout, one eye?" Only Danzo's legendary discipline stopped him from frying the brat with a fireball.

"The civilian council, for... various reason that are not relevant right now, have decided to sabotage your education, paying certain teachers to ensure you are held back in regards to your skill," the boy looked at him blinking as his mind managed to decode the sentence very slowly. It was two minutes of silence in which Danzo thought he'd have to translate. Then...

"Tha hell you mean it's not rele...rele... something I'm supposed ta know?" Danzo raised an eyebrow. The boy was smarter than he thought. Excellent. "Tha whole damn village wants me dead, the council wants me dumb, I think I should know the damn reason!"

"The truth would leave you a simpering whining wreck on the ground from fear," Danzo said. Naruto was on his feet, staring at the man in challenge.

"Prove it, mummy man!" Danzo quirked visible eyebrow. The boy's attitude was... familiar. "Bring it on! I can take everythin' ya can dish!"

"You think so, hm?" Danzo asked. The boy was almost amusing.

"Hellz yeah!"

"Very well then," Danzo said. Screw Sarutobi and his law, it's not like he'll find out and he was intrigued to see if the boy was as strong as he thought. "6 years ago, the Kyuubi no Kitsune attacked our village. The fourth Hokage was able to defeat it. The only way that was possible however was to seal it inside a child. You," again, silence as Naruto's brain processed the sentence, then...

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto began laughing. Danzo, for a moment, though the boy's mind was broken as he lay on his back in tears. "That's stupid!"

"I assure you..."

"This village is full 'a morons!"

"I... what?"

"Everyone with a brain knows ya don't try ta fight the biggest bully in the yard without getting yer ass kicked! I've got the biggest bully in the world in me and these dumbasses're giving me every reason in tha world ta let it loose!" Danzo blinked. He hadn't thought of that. "Awright, old man!" Naruto said, getting to his feet. "You obviously don't buy whatever crap they're selling, so you must have an idea. I'm listenin'."

"I believe, as you, that those that sign into this...plan to weaken you are fools."

"More like slightly retarded," Naruto mumbled.

"Ahem, yes, well, I have decided to go around them," Danzo continued. "I am willing to train you into the true ninja I believe you can be. However, it will not be easy. There will be no days off, no breaks, no rests. I will press you to beyond the very limits of human endurance. You will be disciplined when you step out of line, you will be pushed, you will be beaten but, when I'm done, you will have the strength to move mountains. And then,' he looked at he boy seriously. "Then, I will train you in the beasts energy."

"Alright then," Naruto said, grinning up at him madly. "Ya got yaself a student, sensei."

"You will refer to me as Danzo-sama."

"You got it, Danzo-sama," wonders will never cease, the boy could be taught. "When do we start?"

"Now."

* * *

_6 hours later_

"Sadist," Danzo raised an eyebrow at the fact the boy even knew what that meant. He'd already gotten used to the fact the boy had more energy than an orphanage full of 5 year olds on a sugar high. After 6 hours of training that would make even Might Guy weep in agony, the boy had only just collapsed and was still conscious. The more time he spent with the child, the more he knew Sarutobi was a fool for not ensuring the boy was properly trained. "Yo, Danzo-sama?"

"Yes, boy?"

"Why're you going to all this trouble?" Danzo raised an eyebrow. "People find out, things're gonna get more difficult for ya, and I ain't dumb enough to know jiji obviously had his own ideas on how I should be growin' up an' pushin' my traiin' outside a' tha academy obviously wasn't one a' 'em. So, why? And tell tha truth! I'm tired 'a' bein' lied to!"

"The truth?" Danzo asked. "Very well. It is as simple as this; you are a Jinchuriki, a power of human sacrifice. You exist for one reason and one reason only; to be a weapon in the service of the village. I intend to forge you into the greatest weapon in the Elemental Nations and cement Konoha's place as the greatest of the ninja villages. If I must go behind the Hokage's back to do so, then so be it. Nothing more or less."

"So, I'm just a weapon to you, huh?" the boy chuckled. "Eh, I can live with that. Ya treat me better than most 'a' the rest 'a' tha villagers, so I can't fault ya that. I can agree with your reason too. Makin' tha village strong? All for it," Danzo was starting to get used to the boys surprises. "But yer thinkin' too small."

"Oh really?"

"Yup," Naruto said, sitting up. "Hokage's strongest ninja 'a' 'em all, right? Well, what stronger ninja, or more terrifyin' to our enemies, would there be than tha container 'a' tha Kyuubi no Kitsune?" Danzo was half way between a snort and sheer shock.

"You truly believe you could be Hokage?"

"Ya just watch me, Danzo-sama," Naruto said, pointing at hte man with his fist. "I'm gonna be the most powerful 'a' 'em all. No one's gonna threaten my village!"

"We shall see, boy," Danzo said, turning away. "we're done for the day. Be here right after the Academy ends tomorrow," _Uzumaki Naruto. Perhaps I underestimated your spirit and will. Perhaps. This will be most interesting from here on, for both of us._

* * *

_2 months later_

Danzo smirked as the boy deep fried the training pole with a fireball jutsu almost 10 feet in diameter. One chakra monster, ready made to order.

This only reinforced in his mind that Sarutobi was a fool. Well, time to tie the boy even closer to him.

"Uzumaki," Naruto stopped beaming in pride at the ashes and headed over to Danzo.

"Ya called, Danzou-sama?"

"Yes," the cripple said, handing over a scroll. "Some... homework, if you will."

"Huh?"

"On that scroll," Danzo explained. "You will find the underlying principals and discipline to my personal taijutsu style from before my... accident on the field," Naruto's eyes went wide in shock and pleasure. "I have never taught anyone this, primarily because I have never found anyone capable of properly utilising it."

"Why not?" Naruto asked.

"The style I'm aiming to teach you uses two things. First, the ability to strike hard and fast before the enemy realises what you're doing. Second, the ability to strike from any position, including while blocking, without the enemy realising the blow is coming," Danzo's single eye burned into Naruto. "When I am done, you will be able to make the most devastating blows with, at the most, 6 inches of room for your fist to move."

"Is... that even possible?" Danzo walked over to on of the remaining posts, leaning the tops of his fingers against the pole. He exhaled, lining the surface with chakra before closing his fist and ramming it into the pole. The blow, without chakra, would be enough to wind a man. Adding the chakra layer, which detonated upon impact, shattered the training log into kindling. Danzo turned to his wide eyed student, who as holding the scroll he'd been given like it was the most sacred treasure.

"When I am done," Danzo said. "That... will be your opposition."

"I am so beyond freakin' words right now, it ain't even funny," Naruto said in awe.

"Your homework," Danzo said. "Is to read over that scroll before next week. Learn everything it has to teach and then... the real training begins."

* * *

_Six months later_

Danzo nodded as the boy bashed away at the training post. It had only taken six months to correct the mistakes made by the councils bribery's . All ready, Naruto's taijutsu was improving. It was time to push things forward a bit.

"Naruto," the boy halted, moving quickly over to Danzo.

"You called, Danzo-sama?" Danzo managed to hold in a wince. The boys speech was still horrendous. Something to fix at a later date.

"You should have gone through the chakra tests today. Report," Naruto scowled and Danzo settled himself in for a rather bad report.

"Teacher in charge took one look at me an' brushed me off," Naruto scowled. "'Someone like _you_ shouldn't even be in tha academy. You're only here 'cause the Hokage feels sorry for you. It's not even worth tha effort on my part to test you, you have no talent to be a ninja'," Danzo frowned. He'd expected something like this, but...

"He didn't even pretend to test you?" Danzo asked. Naruto shrugged.

"Depends. Is tha test supposed ta be him standin' there an' insultin' me 'til I 'splode?"

"No," there was a momentary silence. "Did you?"

"What?"

"Explode."

"Nah," Naruto said. "Cool, calm an' coll... Okay, I may have snuck a paint bomb inta his back pocket."

"I see," _Mental note: begin training in espionage and counter-intelligence._ "Can it be traced back to you?"

"It didn't go off til...," Naruto looked up and grinned, checking the time via the sun. "'Bout now. Timed storage seal I picked up offa one 'a' tha ANBU that looked after me. He thought it'd make a good distraction ta get away," intuitive, clever, making things up with very little to play with... Sarutobi was a fool not to ensure he was properly trained. Also, his ability to endear himself to his handlers, who had been specifically forbidden from making contact or aiding him in anyway not covered in their mission briefs. Definitely espionage and counter-intelligence training.

"Very well," Danzo said, pulling out a small chunk of chakra conducive metal. "Ordinarily it's paper used but in this instance, I think this is more appropriate."

"Waddaya mean?"

"You hold a demon in you," Dazno reminded him. "Additionally, if you really _are_ an Uzumaki, and it wasn't some name given to you by the Hokage to give you an identity, then your chakra is far more dense than a regular person's. You would probably cause the paper to burst into flames."

"...Cool," Naruto said with a troublesome grin. _Mental note: keep him away from explosive tags,_ Danzo thought as he handed the metal to the boy. "So, how's this work?"

"They have taught you to summon your chakra?"

"Uh, yeah," Naruto said, kind of embarrassed. "An' I kinda... blew the teach away. Got in big trouble for it."

"And yet they claim you have no future as a ninja?" Danzo asked. What kind of idiots were teaching at the Academy? Perhaps it was time to insert some of his own people.

"So... that's good?" Danzo managed to fight the urge to facepalm as he looked at the confused boy. It really was time to investigate the possibility of a secret overhaul of the Academy.

"To be able to do that with just your chakra shows you have far more than you can easily control. We'll be beginning chakra control exercises tomorrow. For now, simply draw on your chakra and channel it into the metal. Do it as slowly as possible."

"Okay, I can do that," Naruto said, focusing his chakra into the metal, eyes widening as it began to glow. "Sweet..." Then float. "... Is it supposed ta do that?" Naruto asked as it flew into the air.

"... No."

"Oh. Oops," Naruto said as the metal fell in front of him, creating a six inch smoking crater. "Um... damn."

"... Yes, well, I think we can safely say a lack of chakra isn't your problem," Danzo coughed. The only person that could do anything close to that was Uzumaki Kushina, but she wasn't a container.

At least, he was pretty sure she wasn't... hm... That would explain a lot.

"Well, I think we can skip E and most D rank jutsu for your training," Danzo said dryly. That could be a problem. He would never be able to use the Bunshin no Jutsu, a requirement for passing. "However, your chakra control training will begin now," he made a sign, summoning one of his ROOT ANBU. "Ni, here, will show you the first exercise: tree walking."

"Let's get this show on the road!" Naaruto said as Ni took him away. Danzo sighed at the boys exuberance, moving to retrieve the metal...

"What on Earth?" Danzo muttered, picking up the metal. while cool to the touch, the chunk was now a crimson red and showed no signs of returning to it's usually grey. "Curious..."

* * *

_One year later_

"ATAAAAA!" Naruto screamed as he sliced through the ROOT trainees his age Danzo had supplied for his practice dummies. There were twenty of them, trained 24/7, emotionless drones working in cooperation against one determined 7 year old.

They never stood a chance

The last one was downed by a non-chakra charged 'inch punch'. Admittedly, Naruto still needed a minimum of 20 inches to do any damage, but that was a vast improvement. His moves weren't exactly up to par, either, but the boy didn't slack off on his training. Danzo had given him a day off once, just to see what he'd do.

The boy was back the next day, abusing the training logs.

He was the perfect student, dedicated, determined focused. But he was lacking something. Something important; a training partner, someone to test his abilities against and grow properly, someone that matched him in determination. But where to find one?

Casting his eye over the training ground, he noticed movement behind one of the bushes. Moving quietly, the old man prepared to move the bandages covering his 'missing' eye to deal with the intruder...

Only to find a Hyuuga with her Byakugan active, training. Danzo was about to dismiss it when he noticed three things.

This was Hinata Hyuuga, the Hyuuga heiress, supposedly weak and useless.

Her form was nearly flawless and her strikes were smooth and effortless, flowing like a river.

All her attention was focused on his student.

Danzo looked on for a moment, a plan forming in his mind. His ROOT had noticed the girl following Naruto before, but hadn't seen her come this way. She was obviously in someway obsessed with the container for some reason, often watching him from corners and even making sure he arrived home safely. And now she was training within Byaugan range of the boy, focusing on his movements and moving more confidently than she sho...

Danzo stopped, blinking his visible eye. Was she... using Naruto as some kind of inspiration to bypass her own weakness? Was that even possible? He had, of course, noticed the boys ability to encourage and inspire people to be better; several ROOT trainees he had discarded mentally had surprised him by passing onto the next stage of his training after a mere week with the boy. The Hyuuga, supposedly weak and useless, had a much greater skill than he had been led to believe. Her younger sister was showing promise, to the point where Hiashi was pushing the elder daughter to one side. And yet, Danzo would rate her skill as average at worst.

And the reason behind that seemed to be his student.

Suppressing a smile, Danzo stepped out of the bushes. First the Jinchuriki and now a Hyuuga? The Fates were smiling on him, it would seem.

"Hyuuga-san?" Hinata nearly jumped ten feet in the air as Danzo approached her. "I think we need to have a little chat."

* * *

_2 years later_

Danzo raised an eyebrow at the duo that entered their training ground: a concerned Hinata and a battered, bruised and generally pissed off Naruto. "Report," he said simply.

"The Academy has introduced a new 'parents day'," Hinata began. Her stutter had long since faded, as had her shyness. Training with Naruto every day had done more for her confidence than any beating or verbal abuse could have done. Hiashi was as much a fool as Sarutobi. "A part of it is inviting previous years graduates to face for a special 'tournament'," Hinata spat the word out, her own anger clear for a moment. "They put Naruto up against the 'deadlast' of that class," Danzo nodded.

"They are trying to beat him into submission."

"There was no way that guy was deadlast anything," Naruto muttered. His way of speaking had improved, thankfully. The ear rending abuse of language was starting to get on Danzo's last nerve.

"I overheard that he was indeed the deadlast of his class," Hinata said. "Three years ago."

"Typical," Naruto spat.

"Another roadblock," Danzo nodded. "As was expected. A roadblock you will overcome, Naruto,' there was a note of pride in his voice. "safe in the knowledge that you could probably beat him anytime you liked."

"How much longer must we hide, Danzo-sama?" Hinata asked. "I'm growing tired of Neji-nii-san's abuse and 'fate' speeches,' Danzo nodded thoughtfully.

"We shall wait two more years," he said. "when I am sure that you are ready, then we will reveal ourselves at this little 'Parents Day' affair of theirs," Hinata nodded while Naruto grinned ferally.

"Lookin' forward to it, boss," Naruto said, slipping, temporarily into his 'street punk' persona. Danzo nodded. In truth, so was he.

* * *

_3 years later  
2 days before 'Parents Day'  
Hokage's office_

"Ah, Danzo," Sarutobi said sourly as Danzo entered his office. "I knew it had been too quiet."

"A pleasure to see you too, Hokage-sama," Danzo responded.

"What do you want, Danzo?" The Hokage said, looking tiredly at the pile of paperwork in front of him.

"Are you going to the Academy Parents Day this year?" The Hokage's head raised sharply, glaring at his old rival.

"If the paperwork doesn't overwhelm me again," he said carefully. "Why?"

"You should make an extra effort," Danzo said. "I am assured it will be most... intriguing this year."

"What are you up to, Danzo?" The Hokage demanded. Danzo just smirked as he left the office.

"Come to the Parents Day," he said. "You'll find out."

* * *

_2 days later  
Academy Parents Day_

The last three years, the Konoha Ninja Academy Parents day had been a fun filled day for everyone. Everyone except Naruto Uzumaki and the few (Hinata and Iruka Umino, one of the instructors) that didn't treat him like crap. For everyone else, it was an exciting day of showing off to their parents, proving their worth and watching as Naruto was embarrassed in a one-on-one match against an experienced 'genin'.

This year, however, things were different. This year, there was an unexpected pall on the proceedings.

This time the Hokage, on paper Naruto's guardian, had managed to pull himself away from the paperwork to attend. There would be no embarrassment this time. Or at least, no obviously set up one. They would be forced to allow him to compete as is advertised: against the previous years deadlast, one Rock Lee.

At least, the staff and parents thought, he would still get the stuffing beaten out of him by the student of Might Gai. There would still be some entertainment.

The poor, deluded fools...

"Ah, Sarutobi, how nice of you to join us," Danzo said with a smirk. The Hokage eyed his old rival cautiously as he took a seat, noting the nervous people around him.

"Quite an... odd reception," he noted.

"They're probably a little concerned they won't have time to change the main event," Danzo said. "Fox Baiting, from what I've heard," the Hokage blinked for a minute as his brain processed that, eyes widening in realisation.

"What?" He said, looking for the headmaster of the Academy. There would be words.

"Yes," Danzo said, hiding his smirk. It was about time the old buffoon got off his ass and did something for the boy. Pity it was too late. Oh, Naruto still saw the Hokage as a grandfather, but it was with a fair bit less affection. "A 'genin' with at least 3 years experiance and instructions not to hold back. I'm quite surprised the boy's still alive."

"Why was I not informed of this?"

"And who would inform you, Sarutobi?" Danzo said scathingly. Sarutobi's head jerked towards him in shock. "Naruto? He has been forced to rely on himself for so long it probably didn't even occurred to him," true enough. He'd asked Naruto why he hadn't approached the Hokage. The answer he gave was along those lines, with the added revelation that such a strategy rarely did anything. The village happily hid it's mistreatment behind the Council and paperwork. "The instructors? Most of them are in on it and the one who isn't is kept out of your office," also true. All attempts by Iruka to meet with the Hokage had been met with roadblocks and refusal, thanks to the secretary the council had supplied him with. "His friends? He has one and he asked her not to interfere," true again; Naruto didn't want their cover blown by Hinata's disgust at his treatment causing her to drop her shy, introverted mask.

"And you?" The Hokage asked. "How did you find out?"

"I have been telling you from day one the boy was wasting away in the Academy," Danzo said flatly. "And when I informed you of the Parents Day, you instantly thought I was up to something. Why would you act on my word? As to how I know, well, someone had to keep an eye on the boy."

"Just an eye, Danzo?" Sarutobi said suspiciously.

"Would it matter if I hadn't?" Danzo asked. "His education here has been sabotaged, Sarutobi. Someone had to correct that mistake and you certainly weren't."

"I told you I didn't want him trained in your ROOT ANBU, Danzo," the Hokage growled.

"And he wasn't, I am not that foolish," Danzo said. "I trained him as you would a 'regular' apprentice. Any pushing in his training was done entirely by him. He has something to prove, Sarutobi, and if I hadn't someone less... loyal to the Leaf may have stepped in and done it. I could not allow that."

"... What have you done, Danzo?"

"Watch and learn, Sarutobi," Danzo said as Naruto walked past them. An imperceptible nod passed between them, a second passing between Danzo and Hinata, something the Hokage noticed.

"Hiashi's daughter as well?" Danzo snorted.

"If that fool is willing to waste a perfectly good daughter for a quick and easy study, then it's his loss," he said.

"Anyone else I should know about?" The Hokage asked tiredly.

"No one else is worth my time," Danzo snorted. "The Uchiha is lazy, only focusing on beating his brother and not investigating his weaknesses and training in those. The rest of the current crop... No, the only two with any dedication, any grit, any desire to be a ninja greater than average are Naruto and Hinata. They are also the best actors in the village."

"... How strong are they, Danzo?"

"You'll find out, 'old friend'. Very soon."

* * *

_Half an hour later_

"So... freaking... bored..." Naruto complained quietly to Hinata. Where the 'Fox Baiting' would usually be first, with the Hokage appearing, they were forced to push it later into the Two: deadlast v deadlast and Rookie of the Year v Rookie of the Year. Well, at least Hinata's match was coming up. That will be interesting. "So, who have they got you up against?"

"Haruno," Hinata whispered darkly. "Again."

"Smartest in the class, top of the rankings, but only 'cause you've been holding back, neh, Hinata-chan?" He teased. "Damn. I was hoping for an actual interesting match. You'll finish her off in a second."

"I'll try to make it entertaining for you," she whispered as she was called. She stood, stripping off her thick coat to reveal a sleeveless tee underneath, showing a wiry frame good for fluid smooth movements. There was not shyness, no hesitation and Naruto grinned as he caught a glimpse of Hiashi's confused face. This was gonna be goooooooood!

"Oh goody, I get to beat on Hyuuga again," Sakura said sarcastically. "Save us both the trouble and just quit," Hinata just looked at her calmly, no sign of her usual shyness. It was... unnerving.

"Haruno-san," Hinata said, no stutter, no hesitation. "For over 6 years I have been forced to watch as you took your aggression and inability to attract the Uchiha out on Naruto, several time sending him to hospital from one of your blows and could do nothing as he asked me not to. Now, however, the time for holding back is over and, I must admit..." the girl slid into a modified Juuken stance that had her Father hyperventilating. "I am going to enjoy this. You, however, might not."

"Hyuuga Hinata versus Haruno Sakura. Begin!"

"What do you..." Sakura didn't even have time to gasp as Hinata charged in, disabling her arms before moving behind her, placing a hand on a specific spot on her back. Moments later, Sakura was on the ground, convulsing in pain.

"She will be fine," Hinata said as she was declared the winner. "Eventually."

"When's eventually?" Iruka, the instructor in charge of her match, asked.

"... Two or three hours," came the answer as Hinata moved back to her spot next to Naruto, leaving her jacket on the ground.

* * *

_With the Hokage and Danzo_

"Well, that was..." the Hokage said began, lost for words.

"Impressive, is she not?" Danzo asked with a small smile.

"I think I will have to talk to those in charge of psychological profiling in the Academy," Sarutobi said. "Her profile said nothing about any of that - her willingness to hurt someone and her aggression towards Haruno-san in particular."

"I did say they were the best actors in the village," Danzo reminded him. "Perfect for infiltration missions."


	11. Danzo's Big Oops

Another Naruto and... i can't be bothered explaining it. I'll let you read it.

Disclaimer: Aaaaaaaand I still don't own it. Dammit...

* * *

"Tsunade-sama!" Tsunade Senju, Fifth Hokage of The Village Hideen in the Leaves, rubbed her temples as the head of the Hyuuga Clan, Hiashi Hyuuga, stormed into her office.

"Yes, Hiashi, is there a reason you just stormed into my office without permission?" she asked, gesturing to the two high members of the village council (and regular pains in her rear) – Homura Mitokoda and Koharu Utatane. "I was in the middle of something," not that she didn't mind the intrusion. One more request that Naruto be locked up for 'his own safety' and...

"My youngest daughter is missing, has been for the last two days," Tsunade froze as the two elders stood.

"What?" Tsunade snarled. "And I'm only just hearing about this NOW? SHIZUNE!"

"It gets worse, Princess," everyone turned to the window, facing a very irate looking Jiraiya. "Hanabi Hyuuga isn't the only one missing. Naruto's gone too, about the same amount of time. Thought he was just playing one of his pranks..."

"Why am I the last to find out tha..." Tsundae froze, looking at the two elders before her. "You usually travel in threes when you try to bully me into handing Naruto over, and one of you is missing."

"Surely you don't think..." Homura began.

"Where is he?" Tsunade asked angrily. "I think it's a bit coincidental that Naruto and Hanabi are missing and so's the old Warhawk. So where is he? Where's Danzo?"

"We... we don't know," Komura replied nervously. "He hasn't been at council meetings for the past... the past two days."

"SHIZUNE!" Tsunade roared as her apprentice entered the office. "Get every available ninja, I don't care if they're newly promoted genin or seasoned ANBU, get every available ninja in the streets, find Danzo. I have a feeling we'll find Naruto and..." an explosion rocked the village as a cloud of black smoke began to climb into the sky from the south of the village, a menacing pressure in the air. "That... idiot..." Tsunade whispered, turning to Shizune. "Every available ninja, get them to the origin of that explosion. GO!" Shizune vanished with her orders as Tsunade and Jiraiya raced out of the window. The two elders looked at each other in shock.

"He couldn't have," Komura stated. "He's not that desperate."

"He is," Homura told her. "Being passed up twice for Hokage, having 'the perfect weapon' under his nose and not being able to mould it to his will? He would have. He has. And it may be up to us to pick up the pieces."

"What do you mean?"

"If he hasn't released the Fox with this foolishness," Homura explained. "Then he may have turned Naruto into the weapon he believed he could be, and who knows what he's done to the Hyuuga girl. We need to be ready, to ensure that power belongs to the Leaf. We have work to do."

* * *

_Unauthorised ROOT research facility_  
_15 minutes after explosion_

The scene that presented itself when Tsunade arrived was one of pure chaos. The destruction that reigned in the area that had been an old warehouse was horrifying, even to one that had lived through the Second and Third Shinobi Wars. All around her was blackened wood and bodies, those that weren't already dead were moaning in pain.

"Get the med-nins in here, clean them up," the Hokage ordered. "I want answers. The rest of you, split into teams of three, search the perimeter, find any other survivors and anything that can tell us just what the hell happened here."

* * *

At the centre of the destruction the figure of Tsunade's concern was hunched over a much smaller figure, growling protectively. Naruto Uzumaki had been through some changes the last two days, not the least of which were the feelings of protection and concern towards the other victim of Danzou's lust for power.

"You okay?" Hanabi Hyuuga blinked up at him owlishly before Nodding, climbing to her feet, single fox tail, the same brown as her hair, swaying behind her. Naruto shook his head as his own nine tails, a sun kissed blonde with red tips, swayed behind him. "I'm s_o _getting blamed for this."

"It's not your fault, pap... I mean..." Hanabi corrected herself quickly. Naruto sighed, feeling her embarrassment through the parental link he now shared with her, care of Danzo and his experiment attempting to transfer some of the Kyuubi's chakra to Hanabi.

"I'm gonna get blamed for that too," he muttered. "Stupid patchwork crippled bastard... Hey, where is that old fart anyway?" Hanabi looked around, her body beginning to shake.

"Did we..." Naruto looked up and swore. The room they'd been in, the tables they been strapped to, all of it have been destroyed in the last effort to escape. All around them were bodies, pretty much all dead. He drew her in, trying to block the view around them with his own body.

"It was men trying to play God," Naruto told her. "It wasn't you. Maybe me, but it wasn't you."

"But..."

"Trust me, Hanabi," Naruto said. "If it were both of us, I doubt the village would still be standing," he looked around, making sure Danzou really was missing. "Come on. We'd better get out of here before someone gets an idea to come check this out."

"Bit late for that," Naruto looked around as several ninja began popping out of the woodwork. "Stay very still, Uzumaki-san. The Hokage is on her way."

"They have tails."

"He has nine."

"Is it true? Is he really the Kyuubi?"

"He's infected the Hyuuga girl. We could be next."

"We should kill him now."

"Shit," Naruto said, lowering into a fighting stance protectively in front of Hanabi. "Stay back little one."

"I can fight," the youngest Hyuuga scowled, dropping into a Jyuken stance.

"But you're not used to fighting with demonic energy flowing through you," Naruto pointed out. "I am. You're still a child, not even finished the academy. I've been on ninja missions before. I can handle this. Stay back," the last was an order, one Hanabi instinctively obeyed, part of her cursing this new bond, while the rest welcomed it. He was much warmer and inviting than her real father.

"We will wait for the Hokage," the ninja that had spoken first said. "Nobody will attack until she gives the order, or I will personally kill you myself, clear?" There were grudging nods of assent, though Naruto stayed in between the ninja and Hanabi protectively. The ninja sighed. This was a powder keg waiting to explode. "You, go get the Hokage," he ordered the one that suggested killing Naruto. "Go!" The ninja vanished quickly, Naruto still on guard. "If you can give me a preliminary report, Uzumaki-san, things may go smoother."

"Two days ago I was jumped in my apartment," Naruto began. "They had some kind of dart, not sure what was in it, but it put me out pretty damn fast. I came to strapped to a table surrounded by seals with a weird ass gem hanging over me, Hanabi here off to one side strapped to another table and the patchwork bastard Danzo telling me he was going to create a new bloodline by dragging the Kyuubi's chakra out of me and into Hanabi," he looked around. "Guess he lost control," one of the ninja snorted.

"Your gift for the understatement amazes me," he said.

"Hey, why get fancy when the simple stuff does it," Naruto said with a shrug. "Stupid old fart bit off more than he could chew. He fucked up, I ain't getting dragged through the shit because of it," several ninja's glared at him, promising that he wouldn't get away with it. Naruto stuck his tongue out at them.

"Uzumaki-san, please do not taunt my comrades."

"Why not?" Hanabi asked. "They provoked him first."

"Now, Hanabi," Naruto chided. "We can't go persecuting those less gifted than us," Hanabi nodded as Naruto gave a mischievous grin. "It's hardly their fault they were born retarded."

"Why you...!"

"Naruto, stop causing more trouble," Tsunade said, appearing behind the ninja that had been about to attack. "And you... if a genin is able to get under your skin so easily and taunt you into attacking while you lacked any information on what, exactly, has been done to them, then maybe you should search for a different career."

"Y-yes, Hokage-sama," Tsunade shook her head before getting a better look at Naruto and Hanabi, staring at the tails waving behind them.

"Naruto..."

"It's not my fault!" Naruto said vehemently. "Blame that patchwork bastard Danzo, wherever the hell he's vanished off to..."

"Hokage-sama, have you found...?" Hiashi stopped as he came around what used to be a wall, seeing the tail Hanabi now sported. "What on earth?"

"Ah, crap..." Naruto muttered. "I'm definitely getting the blame for this."


	12. Time and The Force

Doctor Who. Star Wars. That is all. Bi-atches. XD

Disclaimer: I wish I owned just a little bit of this...

* * *

"There she is!"

"Get her!" Ahsoka Tanoh, former padawan to Anakin Skywalker and, quite possibly, the last Jedi in existence, turned slightly, using her lightsabre to bat the blaster fire away, her breathe fast and ragged. She'd been running for months, ever since the clone Troopers had suddenly turned on the Jedi. From what she could figure, High Chancellor (now Emperor) Palpatine had been playing them all: the Seperatists, the Clone Wars, everything was his plan to take over the Republic and destroy the Order.

And he had done so with the help of her former Master, now calling himself Darth Vader. Anakin Skywalker. All other Jedi had been issued with a kill on sight order.

And so she ran, as she had done so for the last three months, hopping from planet to planet in an effort to find some remaining Jedi or safe haven.

Instead all she'd found was the steady blaster fire of former comrades. And she was getting tired, running out of credits and out of ideas.

A blaster bolt impacted on the ground just to the left of her foot. _And out of places to run,_ she thought as she zipped around the corner, looking for somewhere to hide.

The odd blue box with words that she couldn't read and an almost inviting, open door seemed like as good an idea as any to the young Togrutan. She didn't even think as she barrelled into the box, running straight into the owner and knocking him tot he ground.

Needless to say, the human (or at least human looking being) in the brown overcoat, brown pinstripe suit, white shirt and sneakers and red tie with scruffy brown hair was less that impressed. But given the girl was being shot at, he figured he'd forgive her and close the door before her attackers arrived. _Just this once,_ he thought, flipping the latch as he began to hear a banging on the door

The being looked down as the girl panting on the floor of his ship as she gained her bearings. She was tense, obviously waiting for the troopers behind her to burst right in. The figure just stood back for a moment, a small smirk gracing his not-unhandsome features. "And..." he muttered in an accent not heard in this part of the universe. "In 3... 2... 1..."

* * *

Ahsoka looked down at the ground, blinking in confusion marring her feature as she looked down at the metallic floor. Hadn't the box been made of wood? And where were the clones?

She looked up, her eyes widening as she realised that there was something very, very odd about that box. If she was still _in_ the box. Because there was no way in any hell that she knew of that this large, dome like room with four large support beam extending from the edges to meet high in the centre above a console with a crystalline construct set in a glass column in the middle of it.

"This is... this can't be," she whispered, reaching out with the Force, her eyes widening even further. There was something _alive_ about this... place. "It's..."

"Bigger on the inside?" she turned, reigniting the lightsabre still in her hand, her face set in grim determination. "Whoa! Easy there, no one here going to hurt you," he had his hands up and a charming look on his face. "Just put it down and we'll talk."

"Who are you? Where am I?"

"I should be asking you that first question," he said pointedly. "Still, you should know the second. After all, you're the one that barged into my ship," Ahsoka blinked. Ship...? Did he mean the blue box. "Still... I can see now why you were running. A lightsabre. Jedi aren't too popular in this part of the universe right now, are they?"

"What was the first clue?" she snarled, keeping her distance. "The blaster fire or the wanted posters?"

"Haven't seen the posters, actually," he said. "Still, doubt they catch your good side," he gave her a charming smile, lowering his hands. "I'm the Doctor. You?" Ahsoka eyed him carefully before dousing her lightsabre, though keeping it handy.

"Ahsoka Tano."

"Nice to meet you, Ahsoka Tano," he said with a nod. "Now, you look like you could use an escape from what's happening, am I right?" She nodded, her earlier exhaustion catch up to her as her knees buckled. The Doctor moved almost like a Jedi as he caught her. "Easy there," he said quietly. "I've got you. Let's get you somewhere you can rest, shall we?"

"Rest would be good," she said tiredly. "But what about...?" A banging on the door caused the Doctor to grin.

"Oh, them?" he said offhandedly. "Oh don't worry. It'll take more than them to get through the old girl's shields. Nothing to worry about. Unless they finish the Death Star within the next, oh, say two minutes?"

"Death... what?" Ahsoka felt a shiver of fear at even the mention of it. Whatever it was sounded...

"Nothing, nothing to worry about," he said quickly. "I'll explain later. Now, rest. Come on," he picked her up, noticing the lightsabre clutched in her hand as he carried her through the corridors to one of the spare rooms. He noticed the TARDIS had chosen Donna's room which brought him up short. Why here, of all the rooms?

_She reminds me..._ was the only clue from the old Type 40. The Doctor shook his head. Maybe he'd get some answers later. Though he doubted it.

* * *

_6 Earth hours later_

Ahsoka opened her eyes slowly, for a moment confused as to where she was before remembering. The Clones, the blue box the really, really strange man and...

She reached out with the Force again, feeling for the feeling of life she'd felt earlier, discovering it all around her. This entire ship was alive! It seemed impossible, no one had managed something like this, ever!

_Hello, young one, _Ahsoka jumped out of the bed, lightsabre in still in hand, looking around. _I mean no harm. It has been many, many centuries since someone other than my Doctor could hear me. I merely wished to talk to you, Ahsoka Tano._

"... Who are you?" the young Jedi asked.

_I am the box you ran into for safety, the ship you can feel all around you, the only constant companion of my dear, dear Doctor. I am a Type 40 TARDIS, and that is the only name I am known by. However, my Doctor has had many companion and none were quite so close as Her, both to him and me, so, if you wish, you may refer to me by her name: Rose._

"TARDIS?" Ahsoka asked. "I've never heard of a ship model like that before. What's your warp speed?" She had a slight interest in ships, mainly from her former Master, who had been quite the mechanic.

_My dear Ahsoka,_ laughter flittered through her mind, bell like in it's sound. _I am a Time And Relative Dimensions In Space craft. I travel through the very Void of time itself,_ Ahsoka's eye bulged in her sockets. _I can reach any planet in any galaxy in a matter of moments. Far more impressive than Hyperspace, wouldn't you think?_

"By the Force..." Ahsoka breathed. "How is that possible. What kind of race could have built a ship like this? And why hasn't anyone ever heard of them?"

_The Time Lords have always been secretive, keeping mostly to themselves and guarding their secrets closely._

"Time Lords...?"

_Take a seat, my young Jedi,_ Rose, as she'd asked the young Togrutan to refer to her as, told her. _And I shall tell you of the brightest star in the universe, the race that guarded the very fabric of time itself: The Time Lords of Gallifrey, and the Doctor that defied their traditions._

The Doctor stood outside the room, listening as the TARDIS told their story, perplexed. She hadn't even talked this much to Romana. Why was she explaining everything to Ahsoka? What was so special about the Togrutan? Why had she opened her doors to her?

"Who are you, Ahsoka Tano?" The Doctor muttered.


	13. Another Redhead!

Getting the Naruto ones out today, aren't I. And... bring on the 'Goyles! XD

Disclaimer: ... Do i hve to keep doing this? *sigh* No I still don't know anything.

* * *

The entity watched as the 8 year old boy ran from his latest prank, laughing loudly. Oh what a treat the lad was. So imaginative, so young and free so...

"In so much trouble," he said, floating invisibly over the boy and his pursuers. "Well, let's see what I can do about THAT," with a wave of his hand, a nearby wagon's breaks suddenly failed. At the same time, a pile of wood came loose and a small group of livestock stampeded through the intersection. It all resulted in a rather remarkable crash which left the boy on one side of the large pile of debris and his pursuers on the other.

"Ha, take that!" The boy shouted excitedly. "You losers could never catch the great Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage!"

"Get back here, monster, we'll show you what we think of your dream!" one of the villagers shouted.

"Fat chance of that, fatso!" the boy shot back, running off. "Seeya!"

"Oh, my dear boy, you are too much fun," his hidden 'accomplice' chuckled, unheard, following along. As he did so, he made note of the dark power that lay hidden within the lad, taking a quick peek at the seal hidden on the boy. "Well now. So THAT'S where he went. Hello, foxy, how the mighty have fallen. That explains a bit," he followed the boy into a dilapidated ruin of a building. The instant he was within his only sanctuary, however, the large grin and confidant gait dropped, revealing a young boy aged beyond his years with the weight of the world on his shoulders. "A little too much," the floating stranger said as the boy wearily dragged himself up the stairs and into the only apartment that could be seen as habitable. "Now, I may not know the man personally, but I know the Hokage's better than this," had he been visible, one could have seen him fade from sight. Time to get to the bottom of this.

* * *

_Konoha's Record Room_

"Oh you stupid, STUPID old man," the man muttered, reading over Naruto's file. "Did you honestly think this would work?" the short man sighed, his long silver hair waving slightly as he shook his head. "Well, I guess there's nothing for it. It seems that for the one called Naruto to earn his right, Puck must secretly join his fight," With a chuckle and a snap of his fingers, the Fey vanished, letting the file fall to the ground.

* * *

_Rear face of the Hokage Monument_

Puck watched as the group of masked ninja, with the kanji for 'root' painted on their masks left the cave. He floated in as the last one left, looking around with a scowl. "Damn that fool," he whispered. "They came here for protection, for peace and he shattered them all," he floated towards the back of the cave and through a large rock into a hidden section, where dozens of eggs were hidden. "They didn't get them all, but the hatchlings won't last without someone to teach and raise them. Hm..." he returned to the main cave looking at he pieces of stone. "I wonder..." he said thoughtfully. Could he pull it off? He wasn't that powerful, not by a long shot, but...

"What are you doing, Puck?" Puck yelped, turning around.

"L-Lord Oberon, I, uh..." he began. Oberon, Lord of the Fey raised an eyebrow silently. "I, well, uh... I can't just stand by and do nothing!" he said suddenly. "The kid is our fault! If we hadn't..."

"I know all about the boy, Puck, why do you think he isn't dead?" Oberon questioned. Puck looked at him in surprise. "I have been helping him when I can, but even I have my limits. However, I cannot just let you raise the dead..."

"I wasn't planning on it," Puck said with a pranksters grin. "Well, not technically. This whole continent is on a magical conjunction, as you know. Easy enough to use the gargoyle with the most pieces lying around and bring their counterpart from another dimension here, as long as a connections remained," Oberon thought a moment. It did get around the law against the raising the dead, and the boy would have a family. Gargoyles were notorious for their protective nature.

"Very well then, Puck," Oberon said as power began to gather around him. Puck took a step back as the energy coalesced around the cave. Oberon himself was taking a hand? This was unexpected. "_Through Time and Space I call your form, to replace the one beyond death's door. Let nature hold, let time replace, let the living come and death replace!" _Puck watched as the stone began to move, certain pieces floating towards the centre of the cave as the energy gathered. The pieces floated to the centre of the gathered energy, forming the rough outline of a Gargoyle figure, though some pieces were obviously missing, shattered beyond repair.

That was the point here, though, Puck thought as the stone disintegrated, a portal opening where the fragments had floated and depositing a light blue figure with red hair. Oberon nodded as the portal closed, her history flooding into his and Puck's mind from the portal. "She will do."

"And her hatred of hu... Oooooooohhhh, now isn't THAT interesting?" the Trickster remarked with a chuckle as the figure gave a low moan, crawling to her feet.

"Where am... PUCK!" The red haired Gargoyle growled, leaping to her feet, her light blue figure tight like coiled steel spring, her eyes glowing as red as her hair. "What's going on? Where am I? What are you doing here?"

"Whoa easy there, Red," Puck said, floating out of her reach. "I'm not that Puck."

"What the hell are you talking about?" she growled.

"Allow me to explain," Oberon said, stepping forward regally. "I am Oberon. I am the one that brought you here."

"What does the Lord of the Fey want with me?" The Gargoyle asked carefully. Here was a being that could reduce her to dust in a blink of his eye.

"Allow me to show you," the blue skinned Fey waved his hand, conjuring a translucent image of a certain blonde haired boy dressed in bright orange. The Gargoyle took a staggering step forward as her eyes widened in shock.

"Errol?" She whispered. The boy, the human that had been the closest thing to a son, the one that almost showed her that humanity did, indeed, have some shred of decency before he was hunted down and murdered for his connection to her. "What is the meaning of this?"

"I have brought you to another world," Oberon explained. "where the technology is nowhere near the level you are used to. Humans have an ability to use their life energy, in the form of chakra, to breathe fire, summon razor sharp wind and seal demons into objects or children," the Gargoyle blinked as he explained. Such power... in the hands of humans? "The child you see here is one such: he contains the Nine Tailed Fox, Kyuubi no Kitsune a creature that, were it not for a war between the Fey, would not even be here."

"And that's why you stepped in?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "You feel responsible," the Fey Lord glared at her, causing her to step back.

"Perhaps," he said after a few moments of silence. "That is neither here nor there. The people of the village below see him as the creature itself and treat him accordingly. A clan of Gargoyle attempted to find solace here, invited by the leader, but forces from within sought to end this possible alliance, by any means necessary," the Gargoyle looked around, noticing the stone body parts, her taloned hands clenching in rage. Again and again the humans acted thus. Did they have no honour? "However, these forces did not get all of the clan. The eggs remain hidden in a small tunnel to the rear of this cave. Between the boy and the eggs you can, perhaps, find a family. Something you have not had since Errol's death."

"How do you...?"

"The spell he cast," Puck explained. "We had a little glimpse into your past. You're PERFECT!" The Gargoyle looked at the image again.

"What's his name?" She asked.

"Naruto Uzumaki, a fantastic kid, big heart, quite the little prankster," Puck explained. "Well, Red?"

"Don't call me that," he hissed, her eyes lighting up like red lanterns. "My name is..."

* * *

_One week later  
Hokage Tower_

"Hokage-sama?" the Third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, looked up from the unending paperwork that had long threatened his sanity, his gaze resting on the striking red head in a formal red kimono with a green dragon winding around her body standing in front of his desk. "My name is Dominique Destine. I believe I have a proposition that will benefit both of us and a certain young pariah you are powerless to help to your fullest due to... certain members of the village council," Sarutobi blinked several times before putting his pen down. This... Destine seemed to know about Naruto, and the political tricks the Council had pulled to ensure the boy was alone and himself powerless to aid him beyond what he had.

"Destine-san," the Hokage said slowly. "I think you had best explain what you know, how you know it and what possible aid you could give," Dominique grinned at him, a feral almost predatory action that sent shivers down the old man's back.

"Please," she said. "Call me Demona."

* * *

_That night_

Naruto was running. Again. This time, however, it wasn't his fault. Honestly. It's not like he MEANT to bump into that old hag and knock her shopping out of her hands.

Who eats brussel sprouts anyway?

"There's the little monster!"

"Get 'im!"

"No escape this time!"

Naruto turned into an alley quickly. He knew this area, it was a clear run through here, straight into a secret ANBU storage facility. He'd hidden here many times, the masked ninja liked him. He just needed to...

"Gotcha!" No! Two men were waiting for him! The boy struggled as one of them picked him up. "So close, yet not close enough," he said as the rest of the mob arrived. "No escape this time, demon. Time to finish what the Fourth started," the man held him by the scruff of the neck. "So, who wants first..."

"**Fulmenos venite!"** The pure white energy slammed into the man's chest, sending him flying into the wall behind him. Everyone looked up to the roof as Naruto scrambled out of the alley in fear, heading for the ANBU facility.

Which left the adults staring up at a winged terror with glowing red eyes and hair that matched, flexing her clawed talons. "You would take your grief and pain out on an innocent child? Typical of you humans," her words were spat with venom as she crouched. "Very well then. You wish to see a demon? Then prepare yourselves!" With that, she launched herself at them, talons tearing flesh with a smile.

None shall harm the boy again. This she vowed. He would suffer from loneliness, a pain she knew well, no more.

* * *

_Next day_

"SILENCE!" the Hokage roared over the din as the civilian council demanded Naruto's death. A routine patrol had found what remained of the mob that had been chasing Naruto the night before. They were badly beaten, with slashes like claw marks and some near death. The Hokage, of course, knew what had happened, who had done this. But Dominique... Demona had made a request: to withhold the information that there had been survivors of the unsanctioned attack against her clan until she had revealed herself to the boy. While wise, this meant that he had to come up with some plausible reason why Naruto had nothing to do with this. The mob were in no state to be asking questions and the ANBU that had let Naruto in to his usual hiding spot had reported that the mob had indeed been hunting Naruto and that all Naruto knew was that someone had saved him with 'a really cool jutsu he'd never seen before'. Which left him with a dilema.

"Hokage-sama, this is proof that the little monster is dangerous," one of the councillors said. "He must be eradicated before he destroys us all," mumbles of approval reverberated through the council.

"Do you have proof that this was Naruto's doing?" The Hokage asked.

"What else could have caused such damage?" the councillor said. The Hokage hesitated, trying to find a way to save the boys life.

"Ever seen what an Inuzuka can do with the Man Beast Mimicry?" Tsume Inuzuka asked suddenly. Everyone turned their attention to her. "My daughter and her team came upon them about to kill the boy and... interfered," several Councillors shuddered under the implications. "The monster with glowing red eyes? A genjutsu courtesy of her team mate, damn talented with genjutsu, Kurenai Yui. The jutsu came from the Hyuuga. Some version of the Air Palm thrust with lightening chakra," Hiashi Hyuuga, the leader of the Hyuuga clan sitting next to her, nodded. He knew what she was doing, it had all been planned prior to the meeting. The three would admit to everything they were saying. They didn't know what had actually defended the boy, but if the council was going to try and hang it on him, then they would more than happily get in the way.

"I see," the Hokage said, lighting his pipe to hide his relief. He was going to owe those two further down the line, but for now, he was thankful for their interference. "Then they were leaping to the defence of a member of the village. I shall put them forward for a commendation. Unless anyone would like to object?" No one did. They knew the boy was beyond their reach; with two of the leading clans stepping forward to protect him, they couldn't do a damn thing.

* * *

Hidden in the shadows, Dominique Destine gave a small smile. Who would have thought that two of the humans would step in like that? Maybe there were some humans in this world that were trustworthy. Perhaps. It would take more than this to earn her trust. But she would be keeping a close eye on these two.

For now, however...

Dominique turned, heading discreetly for the exit. For now, she had a meeting with a certain blonde. She wanted him to get to trust her before before springing an adoption on him. It would be even longer before she revealed the truth, if all went to plan.

From the void between reality, Murphy gave a quiet chuckle.

* * *

_Naruto's apartment  
One hour later_

"These people need to discover auto-mobiles," Dominique muttered. "Or at least the concept of a taxi service. Hm, perhaps something to think about," centuries and a need for money had given the immortal a keen sense of business and where to find opportunity. She knew well enough to hear the sound of a knocking on the metaphysical door. But that was for later.

She wrinkled her nose in disgust as she climbed the creaking stairs, expecting to find Naruto in his apartment on the first floor.

Certainly not on the staircase, hammer in hand and tools hanging from his waist as he replaced a stair. That was... unexpected. Shouldn't the landlord be seeing to such things?

"Excuse me," she said calmly. The boy jumped, dropping his hammer as he turned. Fear reflected in his face for a moment before he covered it in his usual brash persona.

"Geez, lady, you nearly scared the crap outta me!" He snapped, picking up his hammer. "Whaddaya want?"

"Didn't your parents teach you any manners?" she knew he was an orphan. He didn't need to know that, though.

The blonde scowled at her. What, she didn't know who he was? "You must be new," he said. "I'm an orphan. Don't got no parents, don't need no parents. Whaddaya want? I'm busy."

"So I see," she said with some amusement, though there was a feeling of distaste. A child this age shouldn't have a vocabulary or mannerism so... crude. She'd expect such things from dock workers. "I'm looking for an apar..."

"No vacancies," he said instantly. Dominique gave a smirk. Someone liked their privacy.

"Shouldn't let me talk to the landlord first?" Naruto looked at her with a look of flat annoyance.

"You think I'm fixing this up cause I'm bored?" he asked flatly. "I AM the landlord," Demona felt a cold shiver. This building was three stories tall with at least four apartments on each floor and the only care it got was from an eight year old boy? Why hadn't the old fool told her about this? Why had he even allowed it to happen?

"Well, that explains why it looks so run down," she said coolly, earning a glare from the boy. "Someone your age can't keep up with such a large building by yourself."

"Hey, it's still standing," he said defensively. "I fix what I need. I'm the only one here, what does it matter if it looks a little shabby?"

"You're wasting it's potential," she said simply. "Look at it. Perfectly situated near the merchants quarter, the academy... Yes, definitely a waste, though with some work," her mind was working in overdrive, the business sense borne of centuries of merely surviving planning how much would be needed to refurbish the dreary building. "You could be making a fortune," Naruto snorted at her.

"Yeah, right," he muttered. "The second they realise they're paying me, no one would be interested," Dominique gave him a sly smile.

"Then what you need, my boy, is a business manager."

"Huh?"

"What I mean is this; hire someone willing to run the building as front. No one needs to know you it and your living here could be a... condition of owning the building. You will, of course, have to do some small works to make people believe that the owner is... getting their money's worth of you living here."

"You mean pretend I don't own the building?" Naruto asked slowly. It could work, most people believed he was just squatting anyway, and that the old man was allowing it because he favoured the boy. "I suppose... But who could I trust?" Dominique smiled. This could well go better than she'd planned and she still had a few hours til sundown.

"Allow me to introduce myself," she said. "My name is Dominique Destine. I do believe I may have a business proposition for you," Naruto blinked at her, still holding his hammer before slowly giving her a small, cautious smile.

"Step into my office, Destine-san," he said, leading her to the apartment that he had chosen as his own. Maybe this could work in his favour after all.

* * *

_3 hours later_

_That old fool should be using this boy as a negotiator,_ Dominique griped silently. He trusted no one, seemed to read her intent in regards to the building far too easily and was very, very persuasive.

"So, a 10% pay out for yourself, one of the top floors for your private use and in return no one knows," he completed. "That sound about right?"

"You should go into business, Naruto-kun," she commented with a slight smile. "You could probably own most of the land in this village in under a week."

"I already do," he said a grin. "Just not legally. Know the place like the back of my hand, every back alley and tunnel. How do you think I get away with so much? As much as I respect the old man, he lets the council get away with too much," Dominique couldn't help but be impressed with the boy. He understood his position as the village pariah and live with it rather well. He was a survivor, something that she could relate with. Initially, it had been his similarities to Errol that had pulled her towards him. Now, however, she saw something more.

He had far more potential than this village would allow him to attain.

"Perhaps I could make an additional offer?" she asked, earning Naruto's attention once again. "As I said, you should go into business. You have a keen understanding on how the world works far beyond your age and an ability to exploit that. I would like to take you under my wing, so to speak. To teach you how to properly use this foresight," Naruto looked at her thoughtfully. "You put yourself out as the 'dead last', both in the Academy and life, making people underestimate you. This also puts you in a unique position to... I think the term is 'take them to the cleaners'?"


	14. Son of

Okay, Silver-Age Supergirl enters teh scene. XD

Disclaimer: don't own it.

* * *

"FIVE POINT SEAL!"

"GAH!" Naruto screamed as he went flying back. Orochimaru grinned. If the brat survived being cut off from his 'tenant', the mighty Nine Tailed Fox, he would be useless, his chakra a mess. He wouldn't even wake for hours, which would give him time to leave a little gift for Sasuke. Everything was going to plan...

What Orochimaru didn't realise, could never even begin to imagine, was that Naruto wasn't entirely human. While his father, unknown to most, was Minato Namikaze, the Fourth Hokage, his mother was a visitor from a strange world in another universe, landing in Konoha on accident during an event that sundered realities. A young woman of enormous strength and power, of kind disposition and noble heart.

Her name was Kara Zor-el, and the only reason Naruto had not come into his mothers powers was the very thing that Orochimaru had feared would interfere in his plans. The supernatural energies of the Nine Tailed Fox had been suppressing Naruto's true nature as they flowed through his body.

Those self same energies that Orochimaru had cut off with his Five Point Seal.

Oops.

Naruto groaned as he crawled to his feet. He felt... different. Stronger. The pain from whatever that snake freak had done was fading quickly, as were any other injuries he'd sustained. Not as quickly as normal, but still. Quick enough.

Then things went haywire. As slowly as he had crawled to his feet, he fell back to his knees just as quickly as his mind was inundated with new information. Suddenly, he could hear EVERYTHING; every movement, every animal every heartbeat. The trees vanished before his vision, not because they were destroyed, but because he could see right through them! The wind moved along his skin, now more obvious than ever. He could barely think, all the information was overloading his thought processes, he couldn't focus...

"SASUKE!"

"Let me leave you... a little gift..." Naruto's eyes snapped open, his head coming up in one fluid motion as his body moved on it's own. Sakura's voice and his team's danger gave him the focus to fight through the pain as his new strength allowed him to plough through the wreckage from his own fall. His body felt lighter, moved faster and, as his fist thundered against Orochimaru's jaw with a resounding and very satisfying crack as said bone shattered, he realised that he hit harder.

Much harder.

Orochimaru had been sent flying through the trees and Naruto's new vision followed him as he went through the fence on the other side of the Forest of Death.

"H... Holy..." Naruto breathed. At his feet, dropped by the renegade Sannin when Naruto had barged in, Sasuke looked up at him. Where had this new power come from? And why did Naruto, of all people, get it? "Did I..." before he could finish, the adrenaline faded from his body and he was once more overwhelmed by his new senses, clutching the sides of his head, he fell to the ground unconscious.

His last thought was that he wished Sakura could keep it down a bit. His ears were really hurting.

"Naruto?" Sakura screamed, falling to her knees and shaking her blonde teammate. "Naruto, wake up! Sasuke, what's wrong with him? How did he do that? What did that freak do to him, wh..." she stopped, seeing something peaking from underneath Naruto's shirt. "A tattoo...?" she began , lifting it slightly. Sasuke watched, his eyes widening as he looked at the seal on the blondes stomach.

"A seal..." he whispered. A seal so intricate it hurt his head just looking at it. Why the hell did Naruto have such a seal engraved into his skin?

"Sasuke...?" Sakura said slowly. The last Uchiha looked at her, her calculating and thoughtful expression. He knew Sakura was smart, it was no secret; her academic scores in the Academy had been higher than his own. But he'd never seen her like this, logical, calculating. "You know how Naruto's always been treated wrong by the village? Beaten and ignored? How we were told to stay away from him?" Sasuke nodded, wondering where she was going with this. "Do you think... this seal had anything to do with it?" Sasuke stopped, his eyes never leaving the seal as he thought about her words.

"We need to see the Hokage," Sasuke said. "I don't like forfeiting the exams, but... that Orochimaru was no genin and this... what happened to Naruto is beyond us. We need help," Sakura nodded slowly. It was something extreme for Sasuke to be willing to give up a promotion. But...

"Orochimaru... he was after you," Sakura said. Sasuke nodded.

"I know," was all he said.

"We'll need help," Sakura told him. "No one's going to believe we're just heading to the tower to help Naruto."

"What do you suggest?" his tone was more snappish than he'd intended, but he was at a loss. She was right, there was no way they'd make it through. Sakura thought for a moment. Naruto was down, meaning they could just make a bunch of clones and send them towards the tower, which would be the usual tactic. What did that leave...?

"First thing is a defensible area," she said, dredging up academy lessons on defence and tactics. "Traps and only one attack direction. From there, um... we need to get help. A signal..."

"We'll figure that later," Sasuke said. "Right now, we need to get Naruto situated.," he looked down the direction Orochimaru had gone flying. Just what the hell had happened?

The Uchiha shook it off. He couldn't think about that now. First things first. "We'll head towards the tower until we can find somewhere to stay. I'll grab Naruto, you run ahead. Keep an eye out for somewhere we can camp until he wakes up."

"Okay," Sakura nodded, running ahead. Sasuke looked down at the blonde before pulling him up onto his back.

_Naruto... Just what are you?_

* * *

_5 kilometres north of Konoha  
Same time_

As the Kyuubi's power had faded from Naruto's body, a signal had transferred from a portion of the seal on his body, outside the village to a building hidden under a powerful genjutsu. The building was three stories tall, made of wood. The insides were perfectly normal for a house its size.

Until you went to the basement.

Hidden there was a door to a completely different complex, going five levels down, holsing an intricate seal array that was designed to replicate long lost technology. As the signal reached the central portion of the seal, the whole array lit up as, on the third floor, a large green crystal began to glow, the image of a golden haired beauty flickering for an instant before the signal was sent out to another seal...

* * *

_Hokage Tower_

Hiruzen Sarutobi, Third Hokage of Konoha, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, was sitting at his desk, sighing as he signed his name on yet another request. He sometimes wondered what the point of all of this paperwork was for. What did a new housing development have to do with the Hokage anyway? Wasn't this sort of thing what the civilian council was created for?

His thoughts (and struggle with the dreaded enemy of all leaders) were interrupted by a piercing light from behind the picture of his successor, the Fourth Hokage. Sarutobi gaped at the light for a moment before quickly getting to his feet and removing the painting.

On the wall beneath was a glowing symbol, an 'S' in a triangle. His mouth went dry as he realised what had happened.

"ANBU!" He roared. Several of the masked ninja appeared behind him, kneeling on the floor. "Gather five squads, go to the Forest of Death. Find Naruto Uzu... no, find Naruto Namekazi, Nar-El of the House of El and bring him and his team to safety. MOVE!" The ANBU vanished as Sarutobi replaced the painting, getting two sheet of paper and scribbling a message on them before summoning a small monkey. "Take this to Jiraiya and Tsunade. Tell them they WILL return to the village IMMEDIATELY or I will mark them both missing nin," the small summon bowed and vanished on his mission. Happy he had done what he could, he left his office quickly, heading to tower at the centre of Training Ground 44. the day he had always known would come had finally arrived, and he had a feeling he knew just who was stupid enough to mess with a seal of that magnitude. Jiraiya had a lot to answer for, not passing this tidbit on to him. For now though...

For now, Minato and Kara's son would need him.

* * *

_Forest of Death  
Half an hour after Orochimaru's attack_

"Well, we're as ready as we'll ever be," Sasuke commented, walking back into the hollowed out tree trunk Sakura had managed to find for them to camp in. He set every trap he could think of around the area to make sure they stayed out of trouble, but he had to admit, traps weren't his strong suit. He was much more upfront in his fighting, so he didn't use them himself. Traps were usually Naruto's forte. "Amazing..." his muttered.

"What is it?" Sakura asked, looking up from the fire she was tending. At the very back, Naruto lay, still unconscious. Every so often, you could hear and almost pain-filled moan escape the boys lips, usually when either of them spoke above a whisper.

"Think about it," Sasuke said. "In this situation, we'd leave setting up traps to Naruto. All his pranks during the Academy, he's just a natural at it."

"Yeah, and we'd have his clones heading towards the Tower for help," Sakura added. "I guess I never thought about it much because he always seems like such a klutz, but... He really does have his skills. More than me," she added in a mumble as Sasuke sat across from her.

"You're not... that useless..." Sasuke said awkwardly. Sakura looked up at him kind of in shock. Was he trying to be... nice? "Dammit, Naruto's better at this than I am," Sakura gave a giggle.

"Another thing we usually leave to him; emotional support," she said. Sasuke gave a small, sideways smirk.

"Who knew we actually depended on the dead last so much, huh?" He said.

"Yeah..." Sakura loooked over at Naruto. "Think he's okay?"

"I don't know," Sasuke said, thinking over what had happened for the millionth time. "He seemed fine, then he just... collapsed. And why was he clutching the side of his head..."

"Genjutsu?" Sakura suggested. "He kinda sucks at those."

"I tried the release technique," Sasuke said. "What's weird is... his hands."

"Huh?"

"His hands. It was like he was trying to cover his ears," Sasuke said as his brain connected something. "He's been moaning in pain every time we speak over a whisper. Like it hurts..."

"When we talk," Sakura finished, catching up. "Like we're talking too loud. So... his hearing has increased as well? Just that wouldn't make him collapse, though..."

"But if it wasn't just that..." Sasuke began. "What if..."

"Sasuke Uchiha? Sakura Haruno?" The two turned to the entrance, hands moving to their weapons holsters as the masked ANBU stepped out of the shadows. "I have been ordered by the Hokage to retrieve you two and Naruto and bring him to the Tower immediately."

"The Hokage?" Sakura gasped. Sasuke was still on edge. "How did he...?"

"There is more to Naruto than you know," the ANBU said, walking over to pick up Naruto. "What's this?" Naruto's teammates looked past the ANBU, down at Naruto's hand.

"A scroll!" Sakura gasped.

"One we need..." Sasuke muttered. Heaven scroll. And he still had the spart Earth Scroll they'd pick up off those Rain nin. "Why didn't we notice that?"

"You were probably too worried about Natuo's health," the ANBU said, trying to retrieve the scroll. Naruto's grip tightened. "Are we sure he's unconscious?"

"Definitely," Sakura said. "He hasn't responded except to moan when we talk to loud."

"Continuing the mission despite his own injuries," the ANBU nodded respectfully, picking Naruto up gently. "I admire that," Sasuke didn't say anything. This had nothing to do with the mission. He looked at Saukra, who nodded silent agreement. She'd figured it out too.

This was about the team.

Naruto was refusing to let them down.

And, for the first time in his life, Sasuke felt... humbled by the blonde's loyalty and determination.

* * *

_Tower  
Forest of Death_

"Since Team 7 has both scrolls, I'll allow them to pass," Sarutobi said with a nod towards Sakura and Sasuke. "However, the two of you will be under ANBU guard until further notice. Orochimaru is not one to be trifled with, and whatever he's up to, I'm not going to give him a chance at getting to either of you again."

"But, Lord Hokage," Sakura began timidly. "Why do I need a guard? He was after Sasuke."

"And Naruto embarrassed him," the Hokage reminded her, inhaling smoke from his pipe. "His attachment to you is well known. Orochimaru may come for you to get back at him," Sakura lowered her head as Sasuke spoke up.

"Lord Hokage, we want to know," he said. There was a look on his face that was almost alien to the Last Uchiha.

Concern.

For Naruto.

The Uzumaki lad had done it again, the Hokage though as Sasuke continued. "What is it with Naruto? Where did this sudden strength come from? What about the seal?"

"All of that is interconnected," the Hokage said. "And protected by an S class secret," Sakura gaped at him while Sasuke gritted his teeth. An S class secret? Protecting Naruto? "However," the Hokage continued. "The two of you have shown a loyalty and concern for his well being that I didn't think anyone in this village had for Naruto," that was said sadly as the Hokage acknowledge his own failure to protect the blonde. "So, I will tell you. However, you must remember, this is an S class secret. If you reveal this information to anyone that does not already know, you will be executed immediately. No exceptions," Sasuke nodded. He knew the Council was always vying for special favours on his behalf. It's not something he ever wanted or needed, and he usually tried to ignore the manipulative bastards.

"You know, of course, of the Kyuubi attack 13 years ago," the Hokage began. They both nodded. "Your lessons in the Academy told you that the Fourth Hokage defeated the Fox," he pulled his pipe out of his mouth, looking at them seriously. "Can you tell me how, exactly, he did that?"

"That... That was never revealed," Sakura said after a couple of minutes as her mind went over every bit of information she could remember, which really was quite a lot. "That information isn't found anywhere in any book I've read."

"The reason for that is because I was trying to protect the one that, in the end, was responsible for keeping the Kyuubi from tearing this village apart once more," he told them sadly. "A task I have failed at, to my eternal sorrow," he sighed as he looked at them seriously. "The only way to defeat one of the legendary Tailed Beast is to seal it away into something, usually some kind of container. However, with one as powerful as the Kyuubi, that is impossible. The vessel would shatter in an instant. The only thing that could hold one as powerful as the Nine Tailed Fox... is a child, with it's umbilical cord freshly cut, it's chakra network still moulding. Only in this situation would the body be able to acclimate itself with the Kyuubi's presence and keep it safely locked away."

"Then..." Sakura said hesitantly. "then the seal on Naruto's stomach..."

"Is the Kyuubi's prison," tears welled in Sakura's eyes. All this time... all this time, Naurto had been forced to endure that?

Sasuke had his own reaction as he clenched his fist. When his brother had killed his family, Sasuke thought no one could ever understand that. That the feeling of loss and loneliness he experienced every day could never be equalled. But Naruto...

"You must understand," the Hokage continued. "That Naruto is not the Fox. The Fourth's seal is a work of art, with more safety locks and emergency provisions than anyone thought possible to include in a seal to ensure the Fox remained locked up. As for his strength... When the Fourth saought to seal the Fox, he couldn't ask anyone else to sacrifice their child. He did the only thing he could, in his mind. He chose his own son."

"N-Naruto? He's..." Sasuke's eyes were bulging as Saskura stammered slowly. So, ever since the Massacre, he'd been treated like a king, while the Fourth Hokage's own son and the one keeping them safe from a demon was treated like trash?

"Why?" he said out loud. His constant ice-like mask was shattering as the truths surrounding Naruto was laid bare. "Why was he treated...?"

"So cruelly?" The hokage finished. "Unfortunately, the village cannot see past their own pain and loss. They see Naruto as the beast that destroyed their lives and nothing more. It is unfortunate and one that I, despite all my power, could not change. It is a heavy burden indeed," he looked so old as he said that, nothing like the mighty ninja he was. It was... unreal how one so powerful could look so... vulnerable.

"But... what does Naruto's father have to do with his power?" Sakura asked. "The Fourth never showed anything like the strength Naruto did."

"Minato, no," Sarutobi agreed. "But his wife...? There is no one in this world, before or since, that could match the sheer power of Kara Zor-El, the last daughter of a lost world."

"World?" They both said that at the same time as the Hokage nodded.

"Kara came to us in the middle of the Third Great Shinobi War," Sarutobi informed them. "A flash of light, the sky, shattering like glass and she plummeted, bloodied and barely alive, into the midst of a war council. She was taken immediately to the hospital, where it was discovered that the on,y way we could pierce her skin for blood test's was by channeling chakra through the needle. The tests showed an amazing being that could not possibly be human. Members of the council wanted seals placed on her to deaden her will. If she could resist the weapons of our enemy, we could win the war easily.

"Minato, by that point already considered a great hero due to his completed Hiraishin Jutsu, took her immediately under the protection of his own clan. Though weakened, the Namikaze were one of the founding clans of the village. None could challenge him. When she awoke, he, along with members of T&I, questioned her as to her origins," he gave a small smile as he remembered the explosion of disbelief the Council had given off when they'd told her bizarre story. "No matter how strange, everything she told was the absolute truth.

"She hails from another planet, called Krypton, found in another universe entirely. Her people gain extraordinary abilities under the rays of a yellow star; flight, strength, near invulnerability, x-ray vision, super hearing..." both Genin's eyes widened as they realised what this meant. This was the answer. Naruto had been overwhelmed by this power! "The only weaknesses were a mineral called Kryptonite, remnants of the planet charged under the same yellow sun that gave them their incredible powers, and magic. The supernatural," the Hokage looked down. "Like the demon Foz sealed in Naruto.

"In time, Minato and Kara fell in love, even as they fought side by side to save our village. Kara was adopted by all, her pure heart and unending spirit winning the hearts of most of the village. When the war ended, they were married, and Kara fell pregnant. When the Fox attacked... Kara, just barely finished giving birth, flew out to confront it. She died, not long before Minato arrived with the seal ready," Sakura's hand covered her mouth as the tears in her eyes slowly began to run down her cheeks. Sasuke looked away in shame. Naruto... he had lost everything and still managed to be someone that never let anything get him down while he... "You say Orochimaru attacked Naruto with some jutsu you'd never heard of?"

"A Five Point Seal," Sasuke confirmed. The Hokage nodded, though a small smile graced his lips.

"He cut off the demonic energy that the seal allowed to leak into Naruto's chakra network. Not a large amount, and it was purified by the seal's design, but by doing so, he removed the very thing keeping Naruto from attaining his mother's legacy," he looked at the two seriously. "This must be kept secret for now. Kakashi is placing seals on Naruto to repress his senses until he can control them properly. He will no doubt try and pull out of the exam, fearing he will hurt someone with his new found power. I would like the two of you to convince him otherwise."

"Why?" Sasuke asked. The Hokage smiled at him.

"Quite simply," he said. "I would like to see the face of the Council when they realise just who his parents are, and so I can announce his true heritage: Naruto Namikaze. Nar-El of the House of El, as his mother named him in her peoples traditions."

"Can we tell him?" Sakura asked. "About... he's going to ha ve questions," the Hokage thought a moment then smiled.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, I think it would be for the best that you told him that you know, and where his power comes from, who his parents are. Show that yes, you both believe him to be no one more than he has always been, despite his burden," both Genin nodded before being ushered out by the ANBU that had found them, a large man in a fox mask, who led them to the medical room just as Kakashi walked out.

"How is he?" Sakura asked. Kakashi eye-smiled at her.

"The seals should hold his senses down," Kakshi said, shaking his head. It was the first time either of them had seen him worried outside of battle. "But until he wakes up, we won't know for sure. And we don't know when that will be."

"Hopefully before the next part of the exams," Sasuke muttered. Naruto would be annoyed if he missed that. Which means they'd be stuck listening to it.

"Can we...?" Sakura began. Kakashi nodded, standing aside as his two students stepped in.

The two genin looked at their prone team mate, Sasuke once again shaking his head.

"He should have run," he whispered. "Gotten help. Something."

"Them it would be us lying here," Sakura pointed out. "Besides, when have you seen Naruto run from a fight?"

"Good point," Sasuke admitted.

"Like the one on your duck-butt hair-do?"

"Very funny deadla... Huh?"

"Naruto!"

"OW!" Naruto muttered, rubbing his ears. "Couldja keep it down, Sakura, that was loud," _No more than usual,_ Sasuke thought. _Which means his senses are still stronger than normal, despite Kakashi-senseis seals._ "So... what happened?"

"You mean besides you sending Orochimaru to the other side of the forest?" Sasuke asked with a smirk. "We passed. Again, thanks to you. Maybe you're not entirely useless after all."

"Says he who looked ready to shit his own pants," Naruto muttered with a mock glare.

"Hn," Sasuke grunted, leaning against the wall. "Found some things out about you."


	15. Backed by Providence

Back to Japan, to the Japanese versino of Power Rangers and Samurai Sentai Shinkenger! ... Also Naruto.

* * *

Disclaimer: still dont' own anything.

It's odd the kind of things one can find if one is of an inquisitive enough nature.

Take, for instance, the young boy here. 6 years old, dressed in rags. Along his body, one can see cuts and bruises, some fresh, 'souvenirs' of his run ins with the members of his village.

His name is Naruto Uzumaki. And on this day, as he scavengers for food, he is about to find something that will set him apart from others.

Something extraordinary.

_Great, empty, old and no food,_ Naruto thought, his stomach grumbling. Normally, he'd head to Ichiraku's or the old man, but the attacking mob had taken his money and he knew they'd be waiting for him at either of those places so, like many other nights, he was stuck scrounging for food.

And like many other nights, it looked like he'd be going hungry, waiting for the villagers to disperse to their own homes.

Still, he was in a big old house, he may as well look around. Maybe he'd find a new hiding spot.

One hour later, Naruto leaned against one of the old wooden walls. "Man, boring. There's nothing heeeeeeeeeeeeeey!" Naruto shouted in shock as the wall collapsed behind him as he fell back and down a hidden staircase, knocking himself unconscious and landing at the bottom in blissful ignorance...

"Ow..." Naruto moaned as his eyes slid open. "What hit me?" he looked around his surrounds, notincing the stairs he'd fallen down, the gazed around the dark surrounds as the light of the new day trickled in through the hole he'd made and the small hold to the left. In the centre of the room was a table with a calligraphy brush, but no ink pot. The walls were covered in shelves containing books and scrolls. "What is this place?" He wondered, picking up one really old book. "_Mojikara: A History and Beginning.'_ Er... what's mojikara when it's at home?" He opened the book, eyes going wide. "Long... freaking... words..." Curious, though also confused by some of the words, he moved over to the table, which had a small sliver of light hitting it from a crack in the roof overhead., just enough to read under. Though some of the words were long, the boy muddled through them, misunderstanding some and completely missing others.

He was so engrossed in the book, he didn't even think to check the time, otherwise he might have realised a certain scar faced chuunin was looking for his absent student.

_Hokage Tower_

_Roughly 10 hours after Naruto found the house_

"...I've searched everywhere, Hokage-sama," Iruka Umino, chuunin, Academy teacher and closest thing to a big brother one Naruto Uzumaki had, stood in front of the desk of the leader of the village, Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage, concern clearly written on his face. "There's no sign of him, he hasn't even been to Ichiraku's today," the Hokage nodded, seemingly unworried.

"I tried to search for him," the elder man said. "But he seems to be blocked from my view," he took a puff on his ever present and, sometimes it seemed, ever lit pipe before looking up at Iruka. "There are two places in this village that are shielded from the Hokage's viewing crystal. The first is the baths, for... obvious reasons," the amount of times Sarutobi had to fend off his pervert of a student, Jiraiya, from using the viewing globe for his... research before he finally told him this fact was almost embarrassing. "The other is an old, empty manor house on the very west side of town, well past any of the other clan districts. The house of a once fine and upstanding samurai clan with remarkable, almost shinobi like abilities," Iruka jerked almost disbelievingly. Samurai with shinobi like abilities? Was that even possible? "I have a feeling, Iruka that, knowing Naruto, if he is anywhere, then he will be there."

"Are you sure Hokage-sama?" The Hokage sat back, taking a puff of his tobaco.

"Iruka, if there is anything I've learned about Naruto, it's that the more you try to hide things from him, there is an even greater chance he will discover them on his own. ESPECIALLY anything that might even have a hint of the ninja arts," Iruka couldn't deny that. They had to put a triple blood seal on the main academy archives to keep the boy away from the more dangerous jutsu. None of them knew how he kept getting in.

The obviously never checked the air vents.

"I'll check it out immediately, Hokage-sama," Iruka said with a salute before making a one handed seal and vanishing in a swirl of leaves. The Hokage closed his eyes.

_Well, Naruto,_ he thought. _Let's see just how much like your father you are..._

_Mojikara Library_

_10 minutes later_

"YEEOW!" Naruto screamed, stomping on the scorched remnants of his orange jacket which he had coincidently lit whilst trying some of this Mojikara. "Holy crap, I made fire? That is so cool," he looked at the brush in his hand with a grin. "Wonder what else I can..."

"Naruto, there you are!"

"ACK!" Naruto dropped to the ground hard from shock, dropping the brush as Iruka appeared at the bottom of the stairs. "Whatever it was, I didn't do it!"

"There's certainly something you didn't do," Iruka accused. Naruto looked at him confused. "IDIOT! YOU MISSED SCHOOL!" He roared, Demon Big Head Jutsu in full force.

"Wait, huh, what?" Naruto blinked, looking at him. "I did? That means I've been here all day? But I haven't even gotten through the first exercises! Man this is hard," Iruka looked at him, then the open books on the desk. "Okay, yeah, I can't really understand some of the words, but..." he grabbed the brush he'd dropped. "It's all about brush movement," he muttered, drawing the kanji for 'fire' in the air in front of him. "Ha!" he pressed his hand forward, causing the symbol to fly out, hitting the remains of his jacket and causing it to burst into flames. "Ah, no, that's the only jacket I had!" Naruto said, trying to stop the fire out again.

Iruka watched the spectacle with interest. _'That almost looked like a seal of some kind,'_ he thought. _'But there was no ink or paper and it caused the element to appear. I've never seen anyone do something like that before. Is this what the Hokage meant?'_

"Naruto," he said out loud. "What else can you do," Naruto turned forlornly from his now-crispy and unusable jacket and looked at his sensei.

"I'm not really sure. This was just one of the first exercises, summoning elements. Other stuff comes from there. I think," Iruka nodded, thinking for a moment with his eyes closed.

"Let's grab some of these scrolls," he said, looking around. "And see what you can make of them."

* * *

_Land of Metal  
Shiba Clan House_

The figure, all in black with a clothe completely covering his face, bowed before his lord, holding out a scroll, open, with the symbol for the Leaf glowing on it. The lord, looked at his four retainers, nodding.

"It is time."

* * *

_2 Months later_

The Hokage was sitting at his desk, looking over a piece of paperwork he actually didn't mind reading. As Naruto's guardian, officially, all of the boys Academy reports went to him. Since finding the old manor, his marks had been improving as he focused on his studies more in the hope of understanding more of what he'd found. While still below average, it was now only barely, and he was no long dead last. His rapid improvement had, of course, gathered the attention of the civilian council, demanding something be done. When he had told them he would do nothing, they'd started ranting, as they normally did. Danzo had, not unsubtly, threatened rebellion if Sarutobi didn't control his 'favouritism' towards the jinchuriki.

After six years of this stupidity, Hiruzen Sarutobi had finally had enough, and firmly informed them that he would not be limiting Naruto's education because of their idiocy, blatant prejudice and unreasoned fear. He added that if anyone did not approve of his rule as Hokage, they were more than welcome to challenge him for the position.

Strangely enough, no one, not even Danzo, stepped forward. It seemed that, even at his old age, he still had a presence enough to dissuade any such attempt. "Hokage-sama?" Sarutobi looked up as his secretary walked in, followed by a man of obvious noble standing, wearing a white yakuta with a red lion pattern along one side, the kanji for 'fire' on the left breast long with a symbol like a lotus blossom. "You have a visitor."

"It's alright," the Hokage nodded. "I've been expecting this," the woman nodded walking out past the man and closing the door. "Shiba-sama, welcome to Konoha. It has been too long since the Umemori clan ended."

"And yet we know that someone has found their knowledge, Hokage-dono," the samurai lord said, taking a seat across from the old man. Sarutobi nodded, pushing Naruto's file across the desk. The samurai took it in hand, reading through it. A half hour later, he closed the folder, placing it on the desk with a grim look on his face. "This is... most unexpected."

"I agree," Sarutobi said. "I understand if the concern is Naruto's... tenant..."

"I know the seal used well, Hokage-dono," the samurai said. "My clans mojikara went into it's original design, a joint project with the Uzumaki clan of Whirlpool. What concerns me is the villages blindness and inept attempts at killing him," he stood up, straightening his yukata. "I may have to... take steps in this, Hokage-dono, if he is to survive long enough to join my daughters retainers."

"Father," behind him, a young girl, roughly Naruto's age, stepped forward. "I would like to meet this boy. The Umemori clan has long been close to our own, and if he is their heir..."

"Of course," the Hokage said with a nod. "You will no doubt find him at the Umemori clan house, where he spends most of his time training both his chakra and mojikara," the old lead taped his pipe against his chin. "I don't know what he's doing, as you know, the mojikara wards around the house keep me from intruding on his privacy, but he has said that he has found away to pass the genin exam despite his inability to for proper clones," the Shiba lord raised an eyebrow.

* * *

_Umemori clan house  
Currently the residence of Naruto Uzumaki  
Half an hour later_

Naruto looked down at the phone like object in his hand. It was large, clunky, like a brick, hard to conceal, but it served it's purpose: reproducing the Umemori clans 'digital mojikara', much easier to use than the standard.

"Alright, Naruto," Iruka said, not entirely convinced it was going to work. "Give it a go," Naruto nodded, hitting the buttons in the correct order before swinging the phone out with a loud 'ha!'

The effect was instant as a Kanji character appeared in front of him, glowing as it grew and finally took the shape of a single Naruto, perfect in every way. "Yes!" Naruto cheered. Iruka gaped, impressed.

_'This tears it,'_ the chunin thought. _'Naruto understands the basics of the technique, there's no way he could have managed this without that knowledge. So why can't he manage the jutsu?'_

"Creating a clone with mojikara," a deep commanding voice said from one side. Naruto and Iruka turned to see the Shiba lord and his daughter, surrounded by four others and a contingent of black clad men. "Impressive."

"Who are you?" Naruto demanded, tightening the grip on his phone. Iruka's hand was sliding towards his weapons pouch slowly.

"100th head of the ancient Shiba clan," the man said, hand on his sword. "Shiba Genbu."

"Sh-Shiba!" Naruto said, taking a step back. Shit, crap... he had a feeling they wouldn't be too happy about someone from outside getting their hands on the secrets of mojikara. "I can totally explain!"

"You found the scrolls within the manor and began trying to make it work, for whatever reasons," Genbu said. "I am not angry, Uzumaki-san, you have nothing to fear. We wouldn't have left the scrolls if this wasn't expected."

"You... wouldn't have...?" Naruto began, blinking confused.

"The Umemori clan has been close friends with the Shiba clan for many years," Genbu said. "My grandfather was... most displeased when the last Umemori was killed for charges along the lines of 'betraying the Leaf'," he snorted. "How can they betray oaths they did not make?" he shook his head in disgust. "To keep us out of the Shinobi Wars, the Leaf made a deal: should one of their own find those scrolls, they would be pledged to take the place of the Umemori clan as one of the guardians of the Shiba clan. The task force back by providence. Shinkenger."

"I've read about that," Naruto said. "Iruka-sensei's been making sure I read the history scrolls too," Genbu nodded.

"May I see your device?" Nodding, Naruto handed it over. Genbu looked it over, his four retainers gathering around him.

"I was able to get it to work from some of the really old notes, written by, uh... Umemori Genta," Genbu nodded, turning it over in his hands.

"Very impressive," he said, reaching into his yakuta. "But you might find this works better," he added, throwing a small white object with a red, circular lump on front. "SushiChanger. The device created by Genta so he could fight along side his good friend, Shiba Takeru," Naruto's eyes went wide as he caught the phone that was tossed at him, licking his lips as he opened it.

"SushiChanger!" He said, hitting the buttons before hitting enter, pointing the phone towards a rock. "Ha!" The symbol for 'guard' came out of the phone, hitting a nearby rock. The symbol and power behind it was absorbed, giving the rock a faint glow before it formed into a shield with the Shiba crest on the front. "Holy crap, it worked!"

"After only two months, father," the girl stated. "Perhaps he really IS the heir of the Umemori clan."

"It would seem so," Genbu nodded. "Uzumaki-san... Naruto," Naruto stopped celebrating, looking at him pointedly. "I gave you the Sushichanger for a reason. As the inheritor of the Umemori clan's knowledge, it falls to you to take their place as the sixth Shinkenger. This will mean that you cannot become Hokage. A Hokage cannot beholden to the whims of others. If you cannot abide by this, we must forbid you from your studies into mojikara."

"What?" Iruka shouted. "He finally finds a way to prove himself to the village and..."

"Iruka-sensei," Naruto said. "It's okay. It hurts a bit, but... I figured ages ago the villagers were never going to let me be Hokage," Iruka looked at him in shock. "The way they treat me... they'll never accept me. But... maybe if I can prove myself, fighting the Gedoushu, I can prove to them they're wrong," Naruto stepped in front of Genbu, clutching the sushichanger as he fell to one knee. "Tono. (My Lord)," Genbu nodded, pulling his daughter forward.

"This is Kairi, my daughter," he explained. "She will be your leader when you both ascend to your positions."

"But I don't want you bowing and scraping," Kairi said. "That annoys me. The Umemori clan and Shiba clan were close, friends," Naruto's head shot up in shock.

"I've... never had a friend before," the five Shinkenger shared a glance with Iruka, who nodded. It was true, the parents would forbid it.

"Well, you have one now," Kairi said, helping him up. "Well... two, I guess."

"Two?"

"Hai, chibi-oyabun!" A blue and red lantern floated into his hand, a little head popping out of the top. "Daigoyo, created by Umemori Genta to serve the Shinkenger in his place! Tono asked me to oversee your training here in the Leaf, since I know everything oyabun knew!"

"Everything?"

"Even his sushi techniques!"

"Huh?"


	16. Justice Son

This one has a... less than typical, as far as I know, basis. In particular, the Potter's connection to the JLA. Not sure if anyone else has done it, but... I kind of liked it. Now if only I didn't get stuck...

Disclaimer: don't own it. Still. Again.

* * *

"BOY!" Boy, otherwise known as 'Freak', 'Brat' and other less than flattering (to other people) names, shivered as he hid in his Cupboard, terrified as the echoing footsteps of his walrus like uncle stomped towards him. At the ripe young age of 6 years old, Boy had already learnt many important lessons. One of these was 'never do better than Dudley' (along with the equally important 'if Dudley gets in trouble, it's your fault, so take the fall anyway'), so when the teachers in the school had started smiling at him in a congratulatory manner, he knew he was neck deep in shit (to use a phrase Uncle Vernon often used), a fear given some real backing when his 'dear' Aunt Petunia had practically thrown him into the Cupboard without food or chores. Luckily (sometimes) for Harry, the telephone was near enough tot he Cupboard that he could overhear her conversation with Vernon.

It did not bode well for Boy.

Apparently, the teachers (who referred to him as Harry. Apparently it was his actual name, but Boy had quickly learned to only answer to it when his Aunt and Uncle weren't around. Freaks like him weren't good enough to have proper names, after all) had snuck some slightly more difficult than normal tests into his homework assignments. They'd become suspicious when he started finishing his work quicker than the other children (he'd simply written the wrong answers and then sat there looking out the window, hoping for someone to save him from his dreary, painful life) and decided to test him. That alone wouldn't have been so bad.

Except that the way he'd gone about trying to complete his homework had ended up attracting attention. Apparently, in the attempt to get the harder questions wrong, he'd inadvertently gotten them right. The teachers had gone to his aunt when she came to pick up Dudley, raising some concerns.

Aunt Petunia had tried to allay their concerns before taking both boys home and locking Boy in the cupboard.

And now Uncle Vernon was home to teach him a lesson for attracting attention.

Unfortunately for the Dursleys, things were about to get much more difficult for them.

All the world is connected. A massive network of information that, if you knew the right places to look and the right words to use, one could find the answer to just about every question you could think to ask. The more humans discovered, the easier that got. For example, if one had the know-how, one could create a program that trawled the computer and communication networks looking for certain words.

Like a name.

Like, perhaps, perhaps, if you were so inclined, Harry James Potter.

It is for this reason that, after a very distraught and defensive Petunia Dursley had led her precious little whale Dudley and dragged the 'freak' Harry Potter (the latter forcefully enough that the teacher were concerned about injuries), that when the teachers had called the police to report what they believed was a case of child abuse, several of these 'smart bot programs' raised red flags, sending the information back to a very sophisticated computer system hidden in a clock-tower deep within the heart of Gotham City.

_Harry __James __Potter  
Stonewall __Primary  
Home__Address: __4 __Privet __Drive, __Little __Whinging, __Surrey, __Great __Britain  
Age: __6  
Guardians: __Vernon __and __Petunia __Dursley  
Other __relatives: __Dudley__Dursley_

Intelligent green eyes quickly scanned the information, hardening as they reached the words 'possible child abuse' before opening a high-tech and incredibly secure communications channel.

"Found him."

* * *

_4 __Privet __Drive  
Little __Whinging, __Surrey  
Great __Britain  
6:05pm  
March __5__th__, __1987_

Boy wished and prayed that someone would come to save him. Anyone. At this point he would have been comforted to here the sadistic, high-pitched tones of the Joker's laugh or see the bald, gleaming head of Lex Luthor.

The fact that the sight and sounds of two of the most well known super villains in the world would have been a comfort is a good indication to his situation.

Uncle Vernon was roaring loudly, his arms swinging back and forth as the belt in his hand slapped against Boy's back, blood slick along his back from open wounds. His arm had already been broken, aside from the dislocation from his aunts earlier treatment. He was battered and bruised and just begging quietly, under his breath, for help.

Help that, miraculously, shockingly, arrived, in a blur of colour and shocked cries of outrage from the Dursleys.

Help clad in blue, red and yellow, standing between Boy and his tormentor.

"What do you think you're doing?" the enraged voice snapped as Boy slid into blissful unconsciousness.

* * *

_Unknown __Location  
March __7__th__, __1987  
9:45am_

Boy lay still as he enjoyed the comfort of his soft bed, knowing instinctively that he wasn't in his Cupboard. After all, his 'bed' (an old, worn out mat) was nowhere near this comfortable and he really didn't want this rather new and different experience to end too quickly. If it was known he was awake, he'd be made to get up and start doing chores and he was quite comfortable where he was thank you very much.

An odd swishing sound interrupted his thoughts as he heard someone walk in. His breath hitched, expecting to hear Uncle Vernon's deep, angry voice yelling at him to stop lazing about and get up and let a real, normal person use a proper bed.

"I know you're awake."

That wasn't Uncle Vernon.

That voice was deep, yes, but not angry. It was calm, almost emotionless. Commanding, intelligent. But safe, Boy hoped. So he opened his eyes.

And almost immediately closed them. Because it was pretty obvious he was dreaming. There's no way he just saw who he thought he saw.

"You don't need to be scared. I'm not going to hurt you," Boy knew that, because if he saw who he thought he saw, then he was nowhere near Uncle Vernon and safer than he'd ever been.

Eyes slid open cautiously, wondering if he really had been dreaming.

Batman still stood before him.

He wasn't dreaming.

"Um... hi?"

* * *

_Medical Room 5  
Watchtower  
Orbiting Earth  
March 7__th__, __1987  
9:47pm_

Boy just looked up at the Dark Knight in shock, unable to believe what he was seeing. "Where am I?" He asked politely.

"The Justice League's Watchtower," Batman answered. "You teachers reported possible abuse. Oracle's had smart bot search programs scanning every communications and computer system in the world for your name, Harry," Boy gulped loudly.

"R-really?" He asked nervously. "Wh-what'd I do?"

"You haven't done anything, Harry," Battman told him. "We did it as a favour to your parents."

"My... parents?" Harry began. "But... My parents were drunks!" Batman stiffened, his mouth tuning downward in a scowl that made Boy flinch.

"Who told you that?" Batman nearly snarled. Boy shrunk into himself, trying to hide under the blankets.

"M-my aunt and uncle," Boy said. "They said my parents had died in a car accident. That they were jobless drunks that had forced them to take me in out of the goodness of their hearts."

"And then your 'relatives' beat you regularly and force you to hide what you are," Batman said darkly.

"It's only right," Boy said. "Freaks like me don't deserve recognition," Batman's entire jaw stiffened as he turned on heel and walked out, leaving Boy to wonder what would happen next.

* * *

_Medical __Room __5 __Observation R__oom  
Watchtower_

Batman stormed into the room angrily. "I want a complete scan of the computer systems. I want to know how we missed Harry for as long as we did. And I want the information yesterday."

"What did they do to him?" Wonder Woman, Princess Diana of the Amazon Island Themiscyra, looked at the screen in horror. "To say those things about himself... What kind of people was he left with?"

"Human monsters," Batman said flatly. "The type of people we pledged our lives to putting behind bars. Someone's been hiding them. I want to know why and how so this doesn't happen again," a firm yet gentle hand came to rest on his shoulder.

"Are you alright, Bruce?" Superman asked. Batman shook his head.

"No," he admitted. "I'm not. This is a failure on our part, and one of our own suffered. They may not have been official members of the League, but James and Lily Potter were our friends and allies, working underground for us against Voldemort and we let them down."

"We couldn't know, Bruce, Wonder Woman told him. "Someone went to great lengths to make sure we never found him, but we have now."

"And we've got a lot of work to do reversing the damage done," Superman added. Batman nodded. They were both right.

"I'll ask Dr Thompson to give him a full physical work up, see if we can't reverse some of the damage," Batman said after a moment. "That's going to be the easy part though."

"Maybe he just needs some people closer to his own age," Wonder Woman suggested.

"The closest would be the Titans," Superman said. The boy was only 6 for God sake. What kind of human being could do this to a child?

"I'll call Robin and ask him to bring them up," Batman nodded. After a moment he added. "I'll call Red Tornado in too."

"Tornado?" Diana asked. Batman nodded.

"He's good with kids," he explained. "and he isn't human. I think that might help."

"How so?" Superman asked.

"The damage was done by humans," Batman said darkly. "I'm surprised he didn't have a heart attack when he realised I was there."

"Maybe he doesn't know you're human?" Diana asked. Batman looked at her blankly (she thought. That damn mask made it hard to tell) before leaving.

"I'm heading back to Gotham. I'll let Oracle know we need a full diagnostic run," he said.

"Maybe you should ask Zatanna too?" Diana suggested. Batman raised an eyebrow. "They were magic users, Bruce," his scowl returned, deeper. One of them might have hidden Harry from them.

"Good thinking," he said, leaving the room. Superman sighed.

"He's taking this harder than everyone else," he noted.

"Can you blame him?" Diana asked. "He nearly tore Britain apart trying to find the boy."

"I guess you're right," Superman nodded. "I'm just worried he'll try and finish the job."

"Worried he'll try, or worried he'll try alone?" Wonder Woman asked, arching one delicate eyebrow. Superman just smiled wryly before following Batman. Diana smirked, before going into Harry's room. If the boy was well enough, it was time for him to find out the truth.

If waking up to find Batman in front of him was a shock, then seeing Wonder Woman walk into the room, smiling at him kindly nearly gave Boy a heart attack. Wonder Woman. Here. To see him. _Smiling!_ "H-hello, miss."

"You can call me Diana, Harry," Wonder Woman... Diana , said kindly. "Or, your fathers name for me. Princess Di," Boy blinked owlishly.

"That was Prince Charles' wife's name," he said. Diana smiled.

"It was indeed," she nodded. "A kind woman, very friendly. I only met her once, much to my own disappointment."

"Wow..." Boy uttered. "Mi... Diana... Were my parents good people?"

"Some of the best I ever knew, Harry," Diana said. Taking a seat next to his bed. "That's why I'm here. I want to tell you about them. If you want to hear."

"Please," Boy whispered. "I need to know... something. That they cared about me. That... that they were more than what..." Diana looked at his tears and new exactly what he had to do.

"I'm going go and get a wheelchair for you," Diana said. "There is something I think you need to see."

* * *

_Watchtower  
Hall of Heroes  
Orbiting Earth  
March__7th,__1987  
10:10am_

Boy looked around as Diana pushed him into the large room. Along each wall and in the centre there were large, glass cases holding costumes and equipment. One held what looked like some kind of glass statue. "What... is this place?" He asked.

"This is where the League honours our dead," Diana said quietly, pushing him past cases. Boy noticed a few he recognised, but kept his silence in reverent respect. Everyone shown here had given their lives for the planet and all living on it, even freaks like him. "Everyone here is counted as a friend and member of the Justice league, and we honour them as such," Diana said as they reached two glass cases in particular. "These two are your parents," Boy looked up in shock. Within the cases were two manikins, modelled to look like his parents. They each wore a red tunic with gold trimming and black pants, with sturdy black boots and red and gold trimmed gloves. His father looked a lot like him, with a mane of barely controlled hair and glasses over brown eyes. His mother had a head of auburn hair with fair skin and his own green eyes staring back at him. In front of each manikin was a small stick on a stand, marked as being their wands. "They were magic users," Diana explained. "Working for the League to try and keep a civil war that had been raging in their society, hidden from the rest of the world. The night they... the night they died, the League arrived mere seconds too late. You were gone and they had been left there, with no one even bothering to bury them. We gave them the heroes burial they deserved, and took their wands to hold them here, in memorial," Boy looked up in awe, reading the name plates, learning his parents names for the first time.

James Charlus Potter.

Lily Rose Potter.

"These are... my parents," he whispered. "They had names... faces... friends. They fought..." Boy... no, after today, after this, he could never be Boy again. "I am the son of heroes," Harry James Potter said in awe.

"Yes, you are," Diana said, laying a hand on his shoulder. Harry looked up at her, a new spark in his eye, one she would happily fan into a flame that would engulf anyone that stood against him.

"Teach me," he whispered. "Please, show me how to make them proud."

"It would be my pleasure, Harry."

* * *

_Same__time  
Hogwarts__School__for__Witchcraft__and__Wizadry  
Headmaster's__office_

Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore looked at the instruments that told him the health, happiness and location of his weapon, known to the rest of the world as Harry James Potter, trying to make sense of what was going on.

He had gone from being 'badly injured' to 'healing well', from 'miserable' to 'content' (as opposed to his usual 'tormented') and from '4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey' to 'beyond your reach'.

The last scared the hell out of him. How was he supposed to mould his weapon if it was beyond his reach. And who changed the reading from 'unknown' to 'beyond your reach' anyway?

The last question was answered as the room was bathed in golden light and an ankh appeared in mid air. Stepping out of it was a form Albus had hoped he could avoid attracting the attention of, hence the incredibly powerful wards and charms to make Harry as invisible as possible.

Apparently, somehow, Doctor Fate had found the boy.

"Albus Dumbledore," the Lord of Order stated. "Do you remember our last meeting?"

"Yes," Albus nodded, gripping the Elder Wand tightly. "You attempted to stop me from destroying Grindelwald. Odd steps for a so-called 'Lord of Order'."

"I told you that his goal would cease when he was faced with one of your students," Fate said. "And that that battle would keep a greater threat from rising."

"And that the student that stopped him would raise a greater guardian of light to stand in my stead when I eventually went on to the next Great Adventure," Albus said sourly, not even bothering with his usual act. "What of it?"

"You refused to listen, ending Grindelwald's threat yourself," Fate continued. "This in turn left a hole for a greater Dark Lord to fill, and the one who was supposed to defeat Grindelwald took his place," Albus's mouth went dry. "Had you done as I'd told, Tom Riddle would have been trapped as collateral damage between the Ministry and Grindelwald's forces and watched the Dark Lord, hidden, enraged at his treatment of regular people. He would never have opened the Chamber of Secrets, instead throwing himself against the Darkness. He would have, on his post-school journey, proven himself worthy of wielding the Staff of Merlin, returned to defeat Grindelwald and then taken under his wing the boy who would be greater than the both of you, and taught him with pride," Fate glared at him from under the helmet of Nabu. "Instead, he has become a greater Dark Lord than anyone could have imagined, found a way to extend his life beyond his apparent destruction, and the boy that should have been his apprentice, instead he seeks to destroy. And you, instead of taking Tom's place in training him, have sought to inadvertently destroy him with your foolish games. That ends now!"

"What I have done will do more for the world than the fate you would dictate," Albus defended. "Once I have finished, Voldemort will be gone and there will be no Dark Lord to take his place."

"No, Dumbledore," Fate said. "All you have done is delivered him into the hands of those that will brook no interference. All you have done is given the Dark Knight a new Squire. All you have done is given the Man of Tomorrow a future to fight for. All you have done, Dumbledore, is give the Amazon Princess a Prince to raise, to train and to forge," his eye narrowed under his helmet. "All you have done is awaken a mighty Dragon to the threat the Wizarding World poses."

"What?"

"A multi-headed hydra that wields more power than the entirety of your precious purebloods," the Ankh reappeared behind Fate as he floated back into it. "Be warned, Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore. Take heed my words, this time, for if you do not, it will be your undoing. Harry James Potter is beyond your reach. Should you attempt to take him, should you deign to make him your weapon, should you, once again, fail to heed the words of Fate, then make your peace. For Justice will come for you. And they will not rest until you pay the price for you misdeeds. So decrees Fate!" Albus watched as the figure vanished into the portal Ankh, sitting back in his chair, thinking deeply on Fate's words. None of it made sense, but then, that was the ways of the Avatar's of Order that bore Nabu's Helmet. It was of little consequence. Whatever protections Fate had cast would fall before the Elder Wand, as always. Whoever this 'Dark Knight', 'Man of Tomorrow' and 'Amazon Princess' was, well, they would have to be removed and Harry placed once again with his aunt. The boy had to be meek and eager to please if he was going to assure Voldemorts destruction by dying himself.

It was for the Greater Good, after all.

* * *

_Washington __DC  
White __House __Grand __Ballroom  
October __31st, __1989  
9:30pm_

Harry Potter stepped into the hall with his Mother as the steward announced them. He was dressed in a costume resembling his father's battle dress, with a fake wand in hand, his cloak clasped around him by a small pin of Amazon design, marking him as Princess Diana's adopted son. Around his waist was a Bat Family style utility belt, which he never left home without, disguised as a standard leather belt with a few pouches.

Harry looked around, smiling in the direction of Tim Drake, the current Robin and one of his good friends, who seemed to be in deep conversation with the 'older brother' to most younger heroes, Dick Grayson, the original Robin, currently Nightwing. Apparently the Wayne Family had been invited too. Not completely strange, though it was odd that they'd turned up (even more so in costume, though their choices were amusing. Tim was dressed as Superboy while Dick was wearing the red and yellow usually reserved for the Flash). Batman usually avoided such things.

_Unless__Mother__begged__him,_ Harry added in his head with a small smirk, looking up at his Mother. She was dressed in traditional Amazon dress, forgoing her usual costume for armour and a red cape, centurion style helmet under her arm.

"I see your friends are in attendance," Diana noted. Harry nodded. "Once we greet the dignitaries, you may go and stand with them."

"Thank you, Mother," he said with relief. He hated these sorts of things, especially on Halloween. Never in a good mood on this day, never had been, probably never will, something the super villains had discovered to their great displeasure. Attempting to kidnap the adopted son of Wonder Woman was all well and good, he expected it. Doing so on Halloween, however, usually ended in said villains being subjected to accidental magic on his part, though it had definitely given Batman something to smile about when the Joker had decided to try something new and different and ended up being transformed into a hyena. He was getting better at controlling himself but, well...

Halloween was a bad day.

"Ah, Wonder Woman!" the President greeted her. He was dressed as George Washington, which made Harry smile. "Good to see you! There's someone I want you to... wait, is this Harry?"

"Mr President," Harry bowed slightly and respectively.

"Well I'll be, someone's hit a growth spurt," the President chuckled. "You were tiny last time I saw you," Harry blushed. The man always did this to him, even if it had only been a month since their last meeting. "Anyway, I want you to meet a rather surprise visitor. This is Cornelius Fudge, he's the leader of some kind of hidden community of magic users in Britain," Harry stiffened, forcing Diana to put a hand on his shoulder to keep him from running.

"Mr President!" the Minister of Magic blustered. "Really, that's supposed to be a secret."

"Minister Fudge, I understand your concerns, but you are standing in front of an Amazon Princess and her adopted son, both of whom are well acquainted with several high powered magic users."

"Yes, yes, but..." Fudge stopped as he noticed Harry's cursed scar, the one thing he couldn't hide. "What the devil? Harry Potter? What are you doing here?"

Oh this wasn't going to end well.

* * *

_Oval __Office  
Five __minutes __later_

Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic, was staring across the famous room in no small annoyance. Blast that Dumbledore. He'd promised that Potter was somewhere safe, away from anyone that might use him for there own nefarious ends. Cornelius had thought that meant a nice pureblooded family, hidden away somewhere remote, like that nice Clause fellow in the North Pole. A little too obvious in Fudge's mind, a little too free with his magic, but nice enough.

Instead he'd been taken in as a ward of the Justice League, a group of super humans and aliens, including some non-wanded magic users (the worst kind, in Cornelius's mind. No way to control them) and adopted by the Princess of Themiscyra herself, trained two years in unarmed combat as well as armed. And that was the least of his training. All because they'd somehow found him despite all of Dumbledore's defenses, and being abused of all things!

Yes, this was all Dumbeldore's fault. Never mind Cornelius could have forced the Potter wills to be probated long ago, or forced Dumbledore to tell him where the boy was so he could be properly guarded. Now Cornelius had to try and fix this mess, and the Potter lad didn't look too willing to trust him.

"Let me get this straight?" Harry asked blandly, Diana's hand firmly on his shoulder in an attempt to leap at the man. "You let this... Dumb-As-A-Door..."

"Dumbledore, though I think I can agree with that sentiment," Cornelius corrected, trying to be as friendly as possible.

"Ignore and seal my parents will and put me with those animals, leaving me to be beaten and abused for 6 years and hide me away from anyone that might help me?" Harry finished.

"Harry, my dear fellow, I assure you, I had no idea..."

"Did you even think about checking?" Harry demanded.

"Harry, calm down," Diana said soothingly. "Deep breaths."

"He raises a valid point, Minister," the President said.

"Well... I suppose I could have made the request but you have to understand," Cornelius said, speaking quickly. "Albus Dumbledore is seen by many as infallible. If I questioned his judgement without any kind of proof, not only would my request be laughed at, but I would very soon find myself in no position to help anyone."

"In other words, your career over my life," Harry bit out.

"Harry, why don't you go out to see Tim," Diana advised. "I can handle things from here," Harry looked up at her before following her advice. As soon as he was gone, Diana pulled herself to her full six foot ten inches of height. "Minister Fudge," she said. "As the representative of the Amazon Nation, I find myself sorely disappointed. You have allowed one man to run roughshod over the laws of your people and the final wishes of two of your own. He left them, without burial and moved their son to an abusive environment and you allowed this. You say Harry is due to start at the school this man runs in two years. I think, as his legal guardian, you will need to do quite a bit of work before I even think of allowing that to happen."

"Your Highness, I assure you..."

"And as a member of the Justice league," she continued, her eyes a cold blue. "I give you this message: James and Lily Potter were our friends and allies, working within Britain to contain the Voldemort menace, working where we were denied access. Their last communication to us was that they were being advised to go into hiding for reasons they could not disclose for Harry's safety. The protections they were under were, apparently, unbreakable. They are dead. You claim the man that betrayed them is languishing in jail yet when you were asked by the President about a trial, you changed the subject. Tell me, are you sure you have the right man?"

"I..."

"Make no mistake, Minister. I am most displeased, as is the rest of the League. Consider yourself on notice: if we learn that the man that caused the Potter's death has gone unpunished, if we learn that James and Lily's wishes were ignored for political gain, if we learn that Harry's abuse was signed by a leader among your community and if we even believe for an instant that this was allowed by your administration we WILL come calling. We WILL begin our own investigations," she turned, walking for the door, throwing over her shoulder. "And may the Gods have mercy on you all if it comes to that. Because I can tell you one thing for sure: the Dark Knight will not."

* * *

_Watchtower  
Earth__Orbit  
War__Room  
1__st __November, __1989  
6:00pm_

"So, we have some names," Batman said. "Unfortunately, they don't exist on any known database."

"Lucky for you I don't have a show tonight," Zatana Zatara, mistress of magic, said, leaning on the JLA's round table. "And what I have isn't nice."

"How bad?" Hal Jordan, second Green Lantern of Earth, asked.

"Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore," Zatana began. "Defeater of Grindelwald, Order of Merlin first Class, Chief Warlock of the Wizengomet, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederacy of Wizards, Headmaster of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry and self proclaimed 'Leader of the Light'. This guy is you basic untouchable with enough political clout to make it difficult for our magical users to move in that world, not that most of us are even interested. He has a long list of laws that, on the surface, a benign. Dig into it, however..." he conjured a piece of parchment. "This one, for example, banned the test that used to be used in the 3rd year of schooling that allowed them to register if a child would be capable of wandless magic and apprenticed to a suitable teacher. On the surface, that sounds just fine."

"But it keeps the children under his thumb for the full 7 years with no other opinion or education aside from what he decides they need," Batman nodded. "What about Fudge's revelation that Dumbledore sealed Lily and James' will?"

"Truth," Zatana said. "His reasoning is that with the 'betrayal' by Sirius Black, anyone the Potters chose is suspect, so it would be better to send him to people with nothing to do with their little civil war. He also petitioned for permission to use Blood Wards based on Lily's sacrifice. He added his own little bits and pieces on the sly, though, making it impossible to find him. No one saw anything wrong as long as Harry lived with his aunt."

"So what changed?" Diana asked. "Did the wards weaken?"

"Nope," Zatana said with a smirk. "Even better. Harry's situation was so bad that his magic started lashing out of it's own accord to protect him. It tore the wards down slowly enough that no one noticed they were gone, but enough that his teachers started twigging on to the abuse. Kid's got some power behind him."

"Unfortunately, so does Dumbledore," Batman grimaced. "And I wouldn't put it past him to come up with a law forcing Harry into Hogwarts."

"So what do we do?" Superman asked.

"We have two years and a planet full of superhumans willing to give a hand," Batman said. "And not all of them in the League," That brought a grimace to Diana's face. Poison Ivy's obsession with Harry concerned her greatly, though the plant user had calmed to the point of actually trying to turn over a new leaf at Harry's request. "We prepare him as best as possible so when he does go to Hogwarts..."

"He gives Dumbledore a hell of a surprise," Hal finished.

"Exactly."

* * *

_Hogwart's __School __for __Witchcraft __and __Wizardry  
Headmaster's __Office  
1__st __November, __1989  
6:00pm_

"Ah, Cornelius."

"Don't you 'Ah, Cornelius' me, Dumbledore," the Minister snapped as he stomped away from the fireplace. "You told me Potter was safe! You told me he was hidden somewhere in England with family!"

"He is..."

"Then why did I just see the boy in America?" Albus jerked back in shock. Cornelius, of all people, had found him?

"America? What is he doing there?"

"That is what I want to know!" Cornelius fumed. "Not only is he in America, but his foster mother is a close personal friend of the American President!"

"This is... most unexpected," Albus began.

"Why didn't you tell me he'd gone missing?" Cornelius demanded. "Why wasn't I informed he was being abused?"

"I assure you, Cornelius, this was not the case, I have..."

"I have seen the scars, the medical reports... What in Merlin's name were you thinking leaving the boy there, are you insane?"

"Cornelius I have my reasons..."

"To, hell with your reasons, Dumbledore! She's threatening to keep him away from Hogwarts!"

"What?" Albus gasped. This couldn't be. The boy needed to be at Hogwarts, under Dumbledores guidance, so that he could be prepared for his final battle, fatal victory against Voldemort."We cannot allow this! Harry Potter must come to Hogwarts!"

"Of course he must come to Hogwarts! It would be an embarrassment to the Ministry if he didn't!"

"Well, we will have to make sure he has no choice," Dumbledore said.

"And just how do you intend on doing that?" Cornelius demanded.

"Just leave everything to me, Minister..." Albus began.

"Oh no you don't!" Cornelius shouted. "I've already fallen for that one, and look at the mess it's gotten us into! His foster mother is the princess and Heir to the bloody Amazons of Themiscyra!" Dumbledore's head jerked up. Was this the 'Amazon Princess' Fate had mentioned. "She threatened to release some demonic Dark Knight upon us," so, these were the ones that Fate had warned him were a danger to him and his plan. "Who knows what else she might unleash!"

"Let me deal with this 'Amazon Princess' and her 'Dark Knight'," Albus said soothingly. "Tell me where to find them, I'll convince them to return the boy," with Imperius and Legillmency if needed.

"And if they don't?" Cornelius demanded. "She didn't seem too impressed with you or our society."

"I am sure they will give us no problems," Albus said. "But just in case, pass a law forcing all members and descendants of Ancient and Noble Houses to attend Hogwarts on the 11th year."

"Yes, yes, of course," Cornelius nodded. "Excellent idea, Albus. I'll do that. When will you be going to America?"

"As soon as I know where they are hiding him," Albus nodded. "Hopefully within a week."

"Excellent, excellent," Cornelius nodded. "I'll get to work on that law, shall I? But Dumbledore," he warned. "This had better work."

"Of course it will," Albus assured him. "Just leave it all to me."

* * *

_Hall of Justice  
Washington, DC  
9__th__ November, 1989  
9:00am_

_This... Justice League is incredibly arrogant,''_ Dumbledore thought as the first tour of the day began. _To allow tours through their very headquarters. Pure foolishness, _he snorted as they passed a viewing platform looking down into a library with a high tech machine in one corner. _Why leave everything in plain sight like this?_

As the tour continued, Dumbledore noticed a couple of open doors they passed. He slipped into one as the tour passed, waiting for the group to pass before moving back the way he came, trying each door in a hope to find his way into the main pathways of the building. He spotted one door that looked promising: large with a odd collection of buttons at one side, obviously some kind of lock. A quick _Alohamora_ and the door slid open. Albus walked in smugly, expecting to find the Inner Sanctum of the Hall of Justice...

...Only to find nothing but a darkened room with cat walks and piping.

"You would be surprised how many people have thought this was our headquarters," a grim dark voice echoed through the shadows. "And that that door was the entrance to some kind of inner sanctum."

"A diversion," Albus surmised, looking around, his hand reaching inside the jacket of his bright purple dress suit for the Elder Wand. Before he could wrap his hand around the wand, a bolo flew from the shadows, wrapping around his arms, keeping them tied to his body. "What...?"

"Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore," the voice said. "Order of Merlin first Class, Chief Warlock of the Wizengomet, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederacy of Wizards, Headmaster of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, defeater of Grindelwald, manipulator. Your plans and schemes caused the death of two good friends of mine and caused their son to live a life of hell for five years," a figure stepped out, dressed in a grey, armoured body suit, black boots and gauntlets, a yellow belt with various pouches and a long black cloak with a cowl with two horn like appendage sticking up. The cowl was open around the mouth, with two blank eye holes. "And you have made me very, very angry."

"Who are you?"

"I am the Dark Knight Fate and Wonder Woman warned you about," the man said. "I am the dark shadow that will be watching your every move from now on," the figure close, grabbing the old wizard by the front of his suit. "I am Batman. And you are not welcome here," he moved in close to the man, getting inches from his face. "If I thought I could get a conviction without your people rescuing you, I'd hand to you over to Checkmate without regret. Unfortunately I know better."

"Ah, good, then perhaps we can talk about the boy you..." the old man went flying backwards as Batman pushed him back.

"That doesn't mean you can break in here without any consequences," Batman said. "Zatana Zatara, member of the Shadow Pact and legal representative for the American Magical Conclave to the International Confederacy of Wizardry will be raising a formal complaint with the ICW and the Ministry of Magic concerning your actions in regard to Harry, as well as your attempt at illegally removing him from his legal guardian, Diana of Themiscyra. I expect the British Ministry to try and brush it under the rug and for you to get off scott free," pupiless eyes narrowed under the cowl. "But I will be watching you. If I see you anywhere near the Hall, the Themiscyran embassy or anywhere else Harry frequents, I will come for you, I will take you down and they will find you tied up in front of the Ministry building in England, do I make myself clear?"

"You honestly think you can keep me away?" Dumbledore asked calmly. "What I'm doing is for Harry's best interests."

"I'm sure you'd like to think that," Batman growled. "Unfortunately for you, we don't believe you. Now, I suggest you leave. Now," the Batman backed in the shadows again, just as Dumbledore managed to free himself with a small wandless cutting spell, getting to his feet with wand drawn.

Only there was no one in the room.

"How..."

"Batman is rather good at what he does," Dumbledore, jumped, spinning quickly to see a green man with green skin, red glowing eyes with a blue cape, red belts crossing his chest, red blue tights and boots and a yellow belt and no hair. "It is why you should listen to his warning."

"What... who are you?"

"J'onn J'onnz," he said. "A Martian."

"A... what?" Albus blinked as the green man stood to one side, gesturing to the door.

"This way, Mr Dumbledore," Albus nodded, catching the creature's eyes briefly, attempting to break into it's mid, only to be ejected rather violently, leaving him with a splitting headache. "I would appreciate it if you stayed out of my mind, thank you, Mr. Dumbledore," Albus was quickly escorted out of the building with a blinding headache and a sense of confusion, along with the smug knowledge that at least he would get Harry away from these... people and under his influence, where he belonged.

Dumbledore never noticed the gold and blue clad figure floating above the Hall of Justice as he Apparated away.

* * *

_Inside  
With Batman and J'onn_

"He attempted to break into your mind?" Batman asked. J'onn nodded.

"An interesting and primitive technique requiring eye contact," the Martian stated. "A poor imitation of true telepathy, but a decent skill against the untrained."

"Something else we need to add to Harry's training regime," Batman grunted. "Were you able to get anything from the old man's mind?"

"He's convinced Minister Fudge to put forth a law forcing members of Ancient and Noble Houses native to Britain must attend Hogwarts or else forfeit their inheritance."

"The Potters were one of the oldest," Batman growled. "And richest. James managed to move most of the family possessions to one of the Wayne properties in New York, but that leaves a lot of family artefacts and the family fortune in the hands of Britain, and no doubt all of that, and the political power of the Potter family seats in the Wizengomet, will end up in Dumbledroe's hands, if it isn't already."

"Instead of Harry's, where it belongs," J'onn nodded. "We have a lot of work to do to prepare the boy."

"Let Diana know what you found out," Batman told him. "I'll get the rest of the League together to sort out how we're going to prep him."

"A suggestion," a glow filled the room as Dr. Fate stepped out of the ankh he conjured. "Contact Poison Ivy."

"Any particular reason?" Batman asked hesitantly. Dr. Fate's predictions were more often than not dead on, but why would he suggest Ivy? Despite her recent change of heart, he still wasn't a hundred percent sure she was legitimate.

"There are many plants in the Wizarding World that look like Ivy's work," Fate informed him. "Her knowledge in such dangerous plants will well aid the boy in his future."

"It does make sense," J'onn said with a nod.

"Alright," Batman said. "I'll get in contact with her. What do we do about Dumbledore?"

"His time is coming, Batman," Fate said as an Ankh lit up behind him, vanishing through it.

"We have work to do," Batman said as the two headed to the teleporter. Yes, there was a lot of work to do.


	17. OOO

More Potter! More Kamen Rider! More insanity! Yargh!

Disclaimer: Nope, no ownership papers.

* * *

_Worst. Summer. Ever._

Harry Potter, the universe's punching bag, laid on the grass, looking up at the sky. Once again, he was stuck at his relatives place. Once again, he'd heard pretty much nothing form his friends.

Once again, he was alone.

It was worse this time, though. After watching Cedric Diggory die at the end of the Tri-Wizard Tournament and the revival of Lord I-Don't-Like-The-Name-I-Was-Born-With Voldemort, Harry had been left to his own thoughts, with nothing to stop him from thinking of what happened but the ridiculous amounts of chores (read as, everything that had to be done) and the fact he was almost always hungry.

"Yo, Harry-kun."

Well, except for the strange Japanese man that had wandered into Privet Drive and latched onto Harry's 'case' without a how-do-you-do or by-your-leave merely because he saw someone who needed help, to the point of teaching him some Japanese.

Eiji Hino was a weird guy. Harry couldn't help but like the man, often seen doing odd jobs for the people on the street. Well, except the Dursley's, Harry's 'family', who had no odd jobs, because Harry was forced to do them all.

"Eiji-san..."

"Ah-ah!" he said with a smile as he flopped down beside Harry. "Just Eiji."

"Right," Harry smirked. Really a strange guy.

"No chores?"

"Done 'em all," he said. "Until Uncle Vernon finds something else for me to do."

"Mataku," Eiji muttered. "Young boy like you should be out having fun on holidays, not stuck doing chores."

"I'm used to it."

"Not the point," Eiji said, sitting up. "Here, come on. Up!"

"What?" Harry asked as he was dragged to his feet. "What are you doing?"

"Taking you out shopping for some better clothes than what you have!" Eiji said. "I still have some money from a... job I did a few months back while I was in Japan. We're going to spend it where it's needed."

"Where?"

"On you," Eiji said, dragging him towards the shops. "Come on."

"What? Wait! I... oi, Eiji!" The man nearly seemed to freeze, turning to face him with a sad smile. "What?"

"It's just... You sounded like a friend of mine just now."

"Oh? What happened to him?" Eiji rarely talked about his past. When Harry asked he just said something along the lines of 'Let's just say I am who I am because of what happened back then and leave it at that, neh?'

"He... died," Harry winced. Ah.

"I'm sorry," Harry said. "I... saw someone die recently," it was Eiji's turn to wince, followed by a chuckle.

"Now we really need cheering up," he said. "Come on."

"But... shouldn't you save the money?"

"As long as I have a place to stay and a clean pair of underwear, that's all I need for tomorrow," Harry blinked as he was dragged away.

Really... _really_ weird guy.

* * *

_Three hours later_

"I don't know if Uncle Vernon's gonna like this," Harry muttered. Not only had he picked up three different outfits, a poncho like Eijis, several pairs of underpants (_REALLY_ weird guy...) and some new sneakers, he also had enough food to last him the rest of the summer.

"Daijobu... don't worry about it," Eiji said. "I'll explain everything. You really need to eat more, anyway. You're so skinny!" The truth that Harry didn't know was that Eiji knew exactly how he was treated and was going to give the boy who had, obviously, had a hard life some break from it all.

Unseen by Eiji, and noted by Harry but he couldn't show it because, well, how do you explain seeing ghosts, a monstrous looking hand shook itself like it was shaking it's head. _'Eiji, kono baka! (Eiji, you idiot!)'_

Have I mentioned Eiji is a really, _really, REALLY, __REALLY_ weird guy?

"That's never stopped him before," Harry muttered.

"Everything's going to be fine," Eiji advised, suddenly rubbing his arms. "Has it gotten cold or is it just me?" Harry noted that it HAD gotten a little chilly. No not chilly, almost bone... bitingly... cold...

Oh.

_SHIT!_

"Run," Harry said. "Don't ask, don't look back, just... just run."

"Harry, what is it?" Eiji asked as the broke into a run. A fluttering of black caught his eye. "What... what is that?"

"You can SEE that?" Harry asked. "I thought you were a Muggle!"

"A what?"

_'Less talking, more running!'_ The ghost hand advised. Harry took that as a good strategy as the two kept moving, bags left to drop temporarily.

"Keep running!" Eiji ordered as he skidded to a stop, pulling out an odd blue and black... thing with three slots. A blue and black thing that turned into a belt.

"What..."

"Just go," he said, pulling three coloured coins out of his pocket and slipping them into the slots, puling the round thing off the side of the belt. "I'll hold them off."

"How?"

"_Eiji you idiot!"_

"Like this. _HENSHIN!"_ He yelled, sliding the round thing over the belt buckle.

_TAKA!_

_TORA!_

_BATTA!_

_TA-TO-BA! TATOBA TA-TO-BA!_


	18. Speed Freak

I think this'll be the last one for tonight. Maybe. We'll see...

Disclaimer: still no owny does me-y.

* * *

Harry Potter was, he decided, Fates bitch. Either that, or someone really had it in for him. How had he come to this conclusion? Well, one could say it was the fact that some psychotic wannabe world conqueror had, for some reason no one had enlightened him to, come after hi and his parents at age one year, killing both of said parents and then, trying to turn his wand (yes, the guy, and Harry himself, was a wizard) on young Harry, had disintegrated himself, leaving Harry with a scar and a title.

The Boy-Who-Lived.

Harry became a hero to the small, hidden wizarding community of Britain for surviving something his parents couldn't. If that wasn't proof Fate had it in for him, Harry didn't know what was. But it got better.

Some intelligent, well thought of, absolute brain dead fool had decided that the best thing for Harry was to grow up away from the Wizarding Community, leaving him with his mother's sister Petunia. That would have been fine. Except Petunia Dursely and her husband Vernon hated Lily, her husband James, the Wizarding World, magic in general and anything that didn't fit into their little world view of what is 'normal'. Which is why Harry then spent the next 9 years living in a cupboard under the stairs to the second floor of 4 Privet Drive, being abused in every way that didn't leave any visible marks that might cause his 'loving' relatives any problems and doing every chore around the house from age 5. One would think, being a 'great hero' someone would check on him.

Either no one did, or the people sent wanted him to suffer. Harry was leaning towards the latter.

Then, on his 11th birthday, he finds out the truth: about his parents, himself and his 'loving' relatives from a rather large, kind hearted though slightly slow man named Rubeus Hagrid.

Hagrid (as he preferred) told Harry about the Dark Lord Voldemort ('flight from death'. He looked it up. What kind of idiot calls themselves 'flight from death'?) and everything connected to it. Including Harry's until now unknown fame. Things were looking up. Harry went to Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry (which was a rather odd name as there didn't seem to be much of a difference), learnt how to use magic and made friends for the first time since Cousin Dudders made it clear to everyone at school befriending Harry was not conducive to ones good health.

Of course, Harry's luck held true: he had to deal with bigoted brats (Draco 'Pretty Boy' Malfoy), teachers that hated him (Professor Severus 'Greasy Git' Snape), trolls, mystical artefacts of vast, alchemical power and the man that killed his parents. Well, what was left of him.

Lord Voldemort, reduced to a wraith, inhabiting the back of Defence Against Dark Arts teacher Professor Quirrel's head and surviving from the blood of unicorns had somehow survived his rebounded Killing Curse (which made Harry one of two people to survive that curse).

After a thrilling year it was back to Harry's Corner of Hell, where after most of the summer without hearing a word from his friends, he met Dobby, the House Elf, who promptly told him not to return to Hogwarts as he would be in danger, and then did everything in his power to make sure Harry _didn't_ get back to school. And when Harry did, of course, the monster Salazaar Slythering had apparently left to kill the 'unpure' was released and petrified the cat belonging to caretaker Argus Filch.

So yes. Harry Potter was most definitely on someone's hit list and, as he went flying through the closed door of the Potions Classroom after his cauldron exploded in a rather impressive manner, his last thought before drifting into unconsciousness was to hunt that person down and introduce them to what was left of his cauldron.

* * *

Professor Severus Snape was many things: the youngest Potions Master in centuries, a terrible human being, a spy, a Marked Death Eater (currently pardoned for his 'spying'), a git and, most of all, a man who could not let go of a 20 year grudge against a man 11 years dead. The fact that said man's son was in his Potions Class and was (in the 'good' Professor's mind) a carbon copy of his father in every way. Snape, therefore, wanted to have the child removed from 'his' school before he caused the trouble his father did, terrorising an 'innocent' Slytherin and stealing 'his woman'.

This class was the ultimate attempt: a potion not taught to school students usually as a 'treat'. The Draught of Power was a volatile, difficult and downright dangerous potion. The slightest mistake in mixing could cause the potion to become dangerously toxic instead of the 10 times boost to your magic it was supposed to deliver for 60 seconds. Any magic used around it during mixing would cause an explosion which had never delivered the same result twice.

But Snape was hoping for death this one time.

Of course, his wand would be the first checked: the Headmaster was well aware of the animosity he held towards the Potter Brat and would check his wand first. The potion itself was risk enough. He needed a scapegoat. He needed someone who could take the fall if necessary. His first choice, his godson Draco Malfoy, was out: Lucius would be less than pleased. After reviewing his options he chose Millicent Bulstrode: not popular, not pretty, not important.

Perfect.

* * *

Millicent Bulstrode had been sitting close to the Potter boy for her assignment. Professor Snape had promised that he'd put a good word in with Draco's father for a marriage contract. Millicent knew it was risky, but felt it was a risk well worth it: her parents would be deliriously happy if she managed to marry into the Malfoy family. It was perfect.

She'd practiced the charm, just a simple heating charm, for hours, making sure she had it perfect. She waited for the perfect moment as advised by her Head of House, the moment when the potion would be most volatile. She kept her wand low and the spell whispered, focusing with all her might to make it work.

And work it did. The explosion was so powerful that Harry was blown through the door. Millicent, being as close as she had been, was also caught in the explosion, sending her careening into the east wall. There was no one else close, Snape had made sure of that. He didn't want anyone else killed, just his target and his scapegoat.

Snape had put on a good act. He'd yelled and screamed at the Potter Brat for 'putting the class in danger'. He ranted and raved and refused anyone to take him to the hospital wing, stating that he could suffer for his mistake. Millicent was conscious (an unexpected event Snape would have to deal with), but dazed and confused. Snape allowed her to be taken to the Hospital wing as an 'innocent bystander'. Potter received 100 lost points and detention, with an additional 200 points lost for anyone who attempted to help him.

He didn't notice a silvery shape duck into the pipe work while he was arguing with the Gryffindors.

* * *

Myrtle Jones. 'Moaning' Myrtle. She was one of the Hogwarts ghosts, killed by Slytherin's monster the last time it had been released in the 40s. She spent most of her time in the 2nd floor bathroom, bemoaning the events that had led her to this existence.

She was not, however, as bound as most thought, though she preferred to travel unseen through the pipes of the castle. She only really did this when she befriended members of the student body, like the Marauders back in the 70s and now Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Oh, she was sure they didn't think of her as a friend, no matter how kind Harry acted. But to her, those that visited her bathroom, spent time with her, no matter that they were doing something else... they were her friends, and she tried to keep and eye on them, especially Harry (dubbed by Myrtle as 'that kind cutey I'd happily share my toilet with'): the boy was a magnet for trouble and Snape's animosity towards him was something she didn't trust. She was always hanging around the potion class during Harry's classes.

So when Snape refused Harry aid while letting the She-Snake that had caused the explosion (Myrtle saw the whole thing) go to the Hospital Wing, Myrtle found a cold fury within her she hadn't experienced in either life or death and raced through the pipes to the one person in the castle who seemed to take Harry's complaints about Snape seriously.

* * *

Fawkes the Phoenix was one of the Four Guardians of Hogwarts. He had for centuries, aided the Headmasters and Headmistresses and watched over the students as his master, Godric Gryffindor himself, had charged him. He knew each of the ghost and portraits, comforting the ghosts when they passed on. He knew the castle better than even Dumbledore, who had studied every corridor and passageway he could find. He knew the Chamber of Secrets and had conversed with the ancient creature within, the Guardian left by Slytherin to protect the castle, as he did with all the Guardian Beasts. The Basilisk had almost been driven mad after the attack that had killed Myrtle, though Fawkes had managed to calm it. The latest attacks had been better, as no one had actually died, but the beast felt the betrayal against his Master's wishes with each attack. Fawkes knew they had to do something soon, or else the old Snake would be a lost cause.

"Fawkes!" The Phoenix looked up, trilling in concern as Myrtle slipped through wall in a panic. "Potions class... Harry's injured... Snape won't send him to Poppy!" Fawkes straitened up, trilling angrily. What? A teacher endangering one of the students? This was unconscionable. Trilling instructions to find Dumbledore and MacGonagall, Fawkes flamed down to the dungeon, wrapping his talons around Harry's arm and giving an angry trill at a shocked Snape before flaming up to the Hospital Wing. This was a break in trust between the Potions Master and Hogwarts. There would answers.

* * *

_Hogwarts __Hospital __Wing  
Two __days __later_

_'I __can't __believe __he __did __that __to __me,'_ Millicent sobbed hidden away in the bed she had been confined to. Professor Snape had denied all knowledge of the plan, had told her privately that he had fully expected her to die or, failing that, be expelled for her actions. That she was of no consequence. That had been two days ago, after class had been dismissed by an apparently furious Headmaster Dumbledore. Heads were going to roll.

Hers in particular.

Harry had yet to wake up, though Poppy assured that he would survive, one good thing from this mess. Millicent hoped she'd have a chance to apologize before Snape had her sent off to Azkaban.

She had been so tied up in her own despair she hadn't noticed the changes in her body. Madam Pomfrey, however, had.

* * *

_Poppy __Pomfrey's __office  
Same __time_

"...Physical changes in Miss Bulstrode include a substantial increase in height," Poppy said as the dictaquill copied her every word perfectly. "She now tops at least 5'5'', and will probably approach 6' before the end of the year. Her body is slimming down to a more healthy looking size, though her muscle remain firm. Any other changes, additional abilities and the like, will have to be noted at a later date. She is still deep in depression and has not responded since her Head of House visited a few hours after the accident. He refuses to tell me what was said and Miss Bulstrode continues to be almost catatonic.

"As to Mr Potter, he has yet to awaken. We have had to inject nutrient potions directly into his blood stream, a technique taken from Muggle medical sciences. Crude, but effective. What worries me is that his body is burning through those potions much faster than he should be, a side effect of the potion, though what it means, I can't tell. As with Miss Bulstrode, any additional abilities from being caught in the explosion will have to be noted at a later date.

"I'm going to try convincing the Headmaster again to send them to St. Mungos. I just don't know how much more I can do for either of them. Miss Bulstrode needs the mind healers if we're going to find out exactly what happened and why she did what she did according to the ghost of Miss Myrtle Jones. As for Mr Potter... If he doesn't wake up soon, I'm not sure I can be of any help to him."

* * *

_Same __time  
Headmaster's __Office_

Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore, Order of Merlin (First Class), Chief Warlock of the Wizengomet, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederacy of Wizards, Headmaster of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, Leader of the Light, defeater of Grindelwald and all around good guy was frustrated. Never had he gotten anything so totally utterly wrong.

He thought he'd done the right thing leaving Harry with his relatives, that between them and the Blood Wards tied to Petunia Dursley, he would be safe.

According to Poppy's total work up after the accident two days ago, he had been wrong. There were scars and damage that were too old to be caused by the explosion. Harry had been abused. And he'd never known.

Which led to his second mistake: Trusting Severus Snape with Harry's well being. He had been sending Severus to investigate each complaint delivered by the Squib he had in the area, Arabella Figg. Severus, it appeared, had been lying to him. This latest event, however...

Severus had to have known that teaching these children the Draught of Power was a bad idea. House rivalries (which, Albus had realised, Severus had been encouraging) between Gryffindor and Slytherin aside, Harry was a prime target for misadventure. Which, Albus presumed, Severus had been counting on.

The problem is he had no proof. Severus refused, as was his right, Veritaserum. It could only be forced if there was evidence of foul play, which Albus lacked and would until Miss Bulstrode began talking. Something that wasn't going to happen, he feared, before the Governors forced his hand.

Fawkes had been brimming with rage. The castle itself seemed to be against Severus, often forcing him along longer paths, keeping him away from the Hospital Wing unless accompanied by Minerva MacGonagall, the Gryffindor Head of House or outright sealing off sensitive areas he had previously had access to. It was obvious the Castle and it's Guardian believed Snape was responsible for what had happened, or perhaps they were just punishing him for the act of denying Harry assistance (Albus had already returned the points taken from both Harry and those that had argued with Severus).

Albus gave a deep sigh. Things were not going to get any easier til Harry woke up.

* * *

_Four __days __since __the __Explosion  
Hogwarts __Hospital __Wing_

"Ugh," Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, Saviour of the Wizarding World and Fates favourite punching bag, mumbled as his eyes opened slowly. "Did I get hit by the Hogwarts Express?"

"Not quite," Harry's managed to turn his head to the side to see Moaning Myrtle floating beside him. "About time. You've been asleep for four days. I was afraid you'd be joining me for a bit."

"Nah," Harry muttered. "It's more annoying to my relatives if I stay alive," Myrtle giggled at that. "My cauldron exploded."

With great force," Myrtle agreed.

"I went through the door."

"Poppy was complaining about the amount of splinters."

"I'm positive I didn't do anything wrong..."

"That potion is a Master level,"" Myrtle informed him. "There was no way you were going to get it perfect. As to why it exploded, The Snake in the next bed decided your potion wasn't hot enough and cast a warming charm on the cauldron. Magic..."

"Makes the Draught of Power go boom," Harry muttered. "Ugh, I'm hungry..."

"Not surprising," Myrtle mused. "Your body's been burning through nutrient potions faster than we can get them. Especially since the Castle now has it in for Snape," Harry blinked.

"Huh?"

"I'll explain later," Myrtle promised. "I need to get Madam Pomfrey. She'll want to check you over before you eat anything."

"Race to the kitchen for me?" Harry begged.

"Not before Poppy says so," Myrtle chided. "I may be a ghost, but I'm not willing to cross her."

"Coward."

"We can't all be Gryffindor's," Myrtle teased, floating through the curtain. Harry gave a small smile which grew as a familiar white shape came in through the window and landed on his headboard.

"Hey, Hedwig," he whispered as the owl dropped onto the mattress and began fussing, running her beak through his hair and barking softly in his ear. "I'm fine, girl. Just a little bruised."

"A little bruised is an understatement," Madam Pomfrey said pointedly as she walked through the curtain. "How are you feeling?"

"Hungry," Harry said honestly.

"I'm sure," Poppy chuckled as she started waving her wand slowly over his body for a medical scan. She frowned in concern as she passed over past injuries and found an anomaly. "Well, no wonder you're hungry," she said. "Your body is burning through more energy than it can produce. Myrtle, ask the house elves to bring up some food, high in carbohydrates," the ghost nodded, passing down into the kitchens.

"Is there something wrong with me?" Harry asked. Poppy shook her head.

"I don't think so," she said. "Though it is strange. I'm afraid your appetite is going to be somewhat larger."

"How much?" Harry asked worriedly. His relatives would be less than impressed if he started eating them out of house and home.

"You'll be giving Mr Weasley a run for his money," Poppy said with a small smile. Harry groaned loudly, closing his eyes.

"I'm gonna starve," Harry muttered, earning a look of concern from Poppy.

"Mr Potter," she began. "I have raised some... concerns with the Headmaster in regards to some old injuries I found while giving you a full check up four days ago," Harry stiffened visibly. "You have nothing to fear, Mr Potter. Headmaster Dumbledore has promised to get to the bottom of it personally, something I think he should have done some time ago," the mediwitch gave a loud sigh. "I keep telling him he's taking too much on his plate, but he never listens."

"Madam Pomfrey, he can't get involved," Harry said fearfully. "The last time a teacher said something... it was bad. Please, you have to..."

"There is nothing to fear, Harry," Poppy said gently. "Albus may be a bit... slow sometimes, primarily because of his belief of there being good in everyone. However, once he finally realises something must be done, he is very good at doing it. He will ensure your safety, even if it means getting you away from your relatives for good," Harry felt a surge of hope that was quashed just as quickly. The Drusley's were good actors. His only hope lay in the Headmaster doing something sufficiently 'freakish' enough to get Uncle Vernon to react.

Several loud 'pops' put paid to that conversation as the house elves delivered a small feast that left Harry's mouth otherwise occupied for some time.

None of them realized someone else had heard the entire thing. Millicent Bulstrode had a debt to pay: she'd almost gotten Harry killed. She had to pay it back.

* * *

_Three __hours __later_

"Harry, my boy," Albus said jovially as he walked in to see Harry surrounded by several large, empty platters, some of which held bones but nothing else. Several House Elves were also surrounding the bed, picking up platters and popping them away with looks of near ecstasy while an embarrassed Harry Potter sat amongst them. "I don't think I've ever seen the house elves quite so happy," Albus joked with him. "What did you do?"

""Apparently my body needs a lot more energy now," Harry said with a blush. "They're going to have to be on call 24/7 to make sure I have enough to eat."

"Ah, that would explain it," Albus chuckled. "Nothing like a promise of 5 years of constant work to get their spirits soaring," Harry let out a chuckle of his own. "So, an enhanced metabolism is all you manage to acquire?"

"So far," Harry said. "No extra limbs or anything."

"Good, good!" Albus said conjuring a soft chair and lowering himself into it. "Ah, much better. I'm getting far too old to be standing around. So, everything is alright then?" Harry nodded slowly "Good. I have several things I need to discuss with you," his jovial nature was toned down considerably. Even the constant twinkle in his eye was downplayed greatly. "The first is more an apology, one long overdue," the old wizard sighed, settling back in his chair. "When I left you with your aunt and uncle – Yes, Harry, it was my decision, one I am regretting, one of many I am regretting – it was, I believed, for the best. When your mother died, she did so, as far as I know, sacrificing herself to save your life. That sacrifice, as I told you, created a protection around you that saved you from Voldemort twice now. It also reached out to others of your mothers blood, creating a powerful connection which could be used as the basis for Blood Wards, powerful protections that would keep you safe until your 17th birthday. I left you there, hoping to take advantage of those protections, to keep you safe. I never expected your aunt to treat you as she did. More to the point, I never expected the additional protections to be so easily countered. You remember of course, Arabella Figg."

"Mrs Figg?" Harry started. "She's a..."

"A Squib," Albus said. "And a good friend. I asked her to watch over you as best she could and report to me should anything worrying occur. She did, several times and I sent someone to investigate, someone I trusted. I just never realized to extent he would go to for his revenge," it took Harry a moment to realise what the old man was saying.

"Snape!" He blurted, before sinking into himself. "I mean..."

"No Harry, you're quite right to refer to Severus as such," Albus said with a sigh. "Aside from the fact that he may not be a Professor here much longer – while I have no proof that he planned the events of four days ago, the potion he was teaching you is far beyond the level of mere 2nd year students. The Governors are less than impressed – he has never done anything to earn that level of respect, especially now. But you are correct, I did send Severus to investigate. Each time he told me all was fine, and that you were playing up injuries received from 'reasonable punishment'," Harry snorted. "Yes, perhaps I should have looked into it myself, but I had no reason to believe the worst. Severus had given me his word he could look past his grudge against your father."

"So, I spent 9 years being tortured and used as slave labour because you trusted the greasy git?" Harry asked pointedly, causing Albus to flinch.

""I deserve that and much more," he nodded. "And I am sure it will take some time to earn your trust. I have already investigated your situation at home and retrieved your belongings, what few there were," he shook his head again. He truly had failed Harry. "You will not be returning there again. Mrs Weasley has volunteered to take you in. She was quite forceful," he gave a small smile as Harry chuckled. "However, I'm afraid she may be... outvoted," Harry looked at him questioningly. "Hogwarts has been less than forgiving in regards to both Severus's and my own transgressions," there was a pained look on Albus's face. "She keeps replacing my Lemon Drops with Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured Beans."

"Hogwarts is alive?" Harry asked, trying not to laugh.

"Oh yes," Albus said. "Though very few can converse with her. She has been very protective of you while you slept. Severus has been banned from the Infirmary unless accompanied by Professor MacGonagall."

"So that's what Myrtle meant," Harry muttered.

"Harry..." Harry and Albus looked over to the bed Millicent had been in. The curtain was open and the girl was standing there, though very different from when Harry had last seen her. He didn't even recognize her until the Headmaster spoke.

"Ah, Miss Bulstrode," Albus said, though obviously displeased, causing the girl to flinch.

"Wait, you mean that's Millicent?" Harry asked a loud, looking her up and down. "What happened to you?"

"What are you talking about?" Millicent asked.

"Ah, yes," Albus interjected. "Miss Bulstrode has been less than responsive since the event," Millicent winced visibly, which proved to Harry she was 'The Snake' Myrtle had referred to. "She is unaware of the effects it has had on her," he conjured a mirror in front of Millicent who gaped in shock.

"Is that... me?" The girl looked at the image warily. Gone was the short, pudgy girl. In her place was a beauty with long legs, shimmering, raven lock and a face most people pay thousands for. Her bust, while not exceptionally large, was in proportion to the rest of her body and considering she was still a child, she still had some growing. "But..."

"The explosion," Albus answered. "The effects caused by accidents regarding the Draught of Power are never the same. Many have been mutated, ugly specimens, some have grown additional appendages, some have simply become invisible."

"Bloody hell, Snape must have lost his mind getting us to mix that," Harry breathed. Millicent tore her eyes from the mirror, looking at him regrettably.

"No," Millicent said. "He knew exactly what he was doing," Albus rose an eyebrow in askance. "He approached me a couple of weeks ago and told me he was going to be teaching us a potion that was more dangerous than we should be using. He told me that magic made it extremely dangerous, causing explosions. He... he said..." tears were starting to leak from her eyes. "He said that if I cast a spell, anything, on Harry's cauldron at a certain point, he'd put in a good word with Lord Malfoy, for a marriage contract. Father had been vying for one against the Parkinson's for a long time, but hadn't been making any headway. I thought if I did this, Father could get the betrothal. He'd be pleased."

"Marriage contracts?" Harry asked. "They still do those?"

"In the Wizarding World, yes, though not common," Albus informed him. "Miss Bulstrode, why are you coming to me now?"

"After the... event," Millicent began. "Professor Snape came to me. He said I was supposed to die with Harry, but couldn't even get that right. That he was going to make sure I spent the rest of my life in Azkaban, and that no one would believe me over him," the girl began to fall to her knees when a breeze seemed to blow around her and she landed in a pair of strong arms.

"Easy, Millicent," Millicent looked up to see Harry lowering her gently. "Snape's nothing to get upset about," Millicent looked between Harry and the bed he'd vacated, seeing a shocked Albus doing the same thing.

"How..."

"Harry, do you realize what you've just done?" Albus asked. Harry looked at him questioningly. "Looked at the space between your bed and where you are now. There is no way you should have been able to close that distance so quickly."

"Huh?"

"Real intelligent, Potter," Millicent giggled.

"I think we just figured out where all that energy is going, my boy," Albus said with that damn twinkle back at full bore.

"... Huh?"

* * *

_Next __Day  
Great __Hall_

Harry and Millicent entered the hall to silences. Well, it hadn't been silent before they entered. Now, however, that the 'Sleeping Beauties' had returned, everyone was glancing in their direction.

Particularly Millicent.

"Are they staring at me?" Harry raised an eyebrow at her. They'd had a chance to get to know each other and Harry had discovered, while not Hermione-level uber-genius, Millicent was at least smarter than average and, once past the house rivalries, a good conversationalist.

"Get used to it, Millie," Harry whispered back. "You're a looker now. Your dad should find getting that betrothal contract easy, now. Or any, for that matter."

"Laugh it up, Potter," Millicent whispered back as they reached the space between Gryffindor and Slytherin tables. "Take a picture, it lasts longer!" She yelled.

*FLASH!*

"Dammit, Collin she didn't mean literally!" Harry shouted, earning a laugh from the entire school, Slytherins included. Ice successfully broken. "Catch you in class?"

"Hm, let's see... Sit next to Pansy and learn about 'how dreamy' Draco is or sit next to you and get some actual work done, gee what a decision," Millicent deadpanned. Harry chuckled, patting her on the shoulder as he moved between Hermione and Ron. Millicent moved to the far end away from the Teachers table and a glaring Snape, finding an empty spot that was also as far away from the rest of the Slytherin's as possible.

"Mate, what the hell?" Ron asked and Harry slid next to him, grabbing a plate of food easily bigger than Ron's.

"What?" Harry asked as he began eating.

"She's a Slytherin!" Ron pointed out. "A Slytherin that tried to kill you!"

"After being tricked by Snape who's probably on his last legs after she testified under Veritaserum," Harry said before scarfing a mouthful of food. "You're point?"

"She's a Slytherin!"

"Who's as much an outsider as you would be," Harry pointed out. "Her family isn't important enough to gain her sycophants, she's only really had Pansy to talk to, and her dad's been trying to get a betrothal contract with the Malfoy's."

"They still do those?" Hermione asked, eyes wide as she watched him eat. _At __least __he __had __better __table __manners __than __Ron __still,_ she thought.

"Not common," Harry said. "Anyway, we talked. If it wasn't her it would have been someone else."

"I guess..." Ron said suspiciously.

"Harry?" Hermione asked slowly.

"Yes 'Mione?" The bushy haired genius pointed at his plate. "Oh, that. It's a long story."

"How long?" She asked. Harry thought a minute and then his eyes got wide as he realised why his situation sounded familiar. Thank Merlin for Dudley's short lived comic obsession.

"The Flash," Hermione gaped at him. Ron just looked confused.

"Huh?"

* * *

_After __classes  
Hogwarts __Lake_

"So, what exactly is going on?" Ron asked, glaring at Millicent. "And why's she here?"

"Because aside from the Headmaster and Madam Pomfrey, she's the only one that knows," Harry said, stretching his legs. "I'm hungry. Anyone mind if I zip down to the kitchens?"

"Harry, wha..." Ron wasn't able to finish as Harry vanished in a blur and a gale force wind. "What?" Ron managed to say before a second blur zipped past them, stopping at the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

"Got to work on his brakes," Millicent muttered as Harry jogged (very slowly for him, normal speed for everyone else) back to the group.

"Sorry," he said, munching on a bread roll. "I still don't have full control."

"What the hell just happened!?" Ron demanded.

"The Draught of Power," Harry said with a shrug. "When it exploded it turned me into a Muggle comic character with super-speed and Millie into a future supermodel."

"Ha. Ha. Potter," Millicent drawled.

"Okay, first, what's a comic?" Ron asked, looking at Hermione, who seemed to be the only sane person left. "Second, what's a supermodel, third, how can we use this to find the Heir of Slytherin?"

"I've thought about that," Harry said. "Once I figure out how to control it, I'm going to patrol the halls."

"Friction..." Hrmione muttered.

"Huh?"

"You're not aerodynamic enough," she explained. "It's sending your balance off. It's like in the Tellie show based on the comics. My dad watches it," the Muggleborn genius started muttering numbers before looking at Harry seriously. "We're going to need help."

"What kind of help?" Millicent asked.

* * *

_That __Night  
Slythering __Common __Room_

Millicent sighed as she entered the dungeon-like common room of Slytherin house. Hermione was like a force of nature once she got an idea. They'd been searching the Library nearly all afternoon trying to find some things to help recreate the costume and sent Hedwig to her parents with a note requesting a comic from her dad's collection.

At the same time, Millicent had received a note from her father regarding the situation she had found herself in.

_I'll __take __care __of __Snape. __Stay __close __to __Potter. __Report __everything._

Not that she was going to follow that particular order. She owed Harry, she'd nearly killed him and now he was some kind of... speed freak because she'd been too eager to earn her fathers praise. She wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

"Hullo, 'Millie'," Millicent groaned as she turned to face Draco and the entire 2nd year Slytherin class. "I think we need to have a chat."

"Not interested Draco," Millicent replied as she tried to push past, only to be grabbed by Crabbe and Goyle.

"We noticed you're spending an inordinate amount of time around Scarhead," the words near oozed out of Draco's mouth.

"You mean aside from spending four days in the Hospital Wing after I was stupid enough to trust our 'esteemed' Head of House'?" she sneered. "Word of advice: watch your backs. He doesn't care unless it falls in his favour too."

"Or maybe it's just that he knows a traitor when he sees one," Draco said, looking her up and down. "You need to learn you place, I think, Millicent. Crabbe, Goyle... pull her arms off," Millicent gulped as the two mini-ogres nodded eagerly and began to do just that.

Or tried at least.

It was the first sign of Millicent having gained anything other than stunning good looks. Her arms refused to move no matter how much the Oaf Twins tried. Millicent didn't even feel any strain. Hell, her arms didn't even budge. The Slytherin blinked, looking at the two boys and then the slowly boiling Malfoy, who was shouting orders. And she grinned.

Then she raised one arm, sending Crabbe flying. She turned her head, still grinning at the shocked Goyle, who looked down at the arm he was holding. Her free arm reached over and picked him up easily, holding the large boy over her head. "Well," Millicent said. "THIS is interesting, isn't it? Looks like the Draught of Power did effect me more than we thought," she threw Goyle away easily, still smiling as she turned to the now shockingly pale, completely frightened Draco. "Now... 'Drake'... Let's talk about 'my place', shall we?" she asked as she stalked purposefully towards him.

* * *

_Next __day  
Headmaster's__Office_

"... And that's what we need," Hermione finished. Everyone was looking at her in bewilderment. "A frictionless suit that Harry can wear to make him more aerodynamic. Some way to track and monitor him would be good too. Just in case. And..."

"Does it have to look like..." Harry began, pointing at the comic she'd had her dad send as reference.

Madam Malkin, meanwhile, was looking at the information Hermione had supplied her. "I think I can do this," she said. "It might take a while, though. The charms to make the suit frictionless are going to need to be basically created from scratch."

"Could you add some runes?" Dumbledore asked. This whole situation was absolutely fascinating. Perhaps Harry had found 'the Power the Dark Lord Knows Not'.

"It could work," Malkin muttered.

"There are some medical Runes that we can use to keep an eye on his health," Madam Pomfrey suggested.

"Excellent," Albus said. "Now before Madam's Malkin, Pomfrey and Miss Granger head off to design Harry's new togs..." the old man's twinkle was going at full, humorous glare as Harry groaned. "I had the most interesting report from Severus this morning. Apparently three of his Slytherins were found hanging from a chandelier in the common room by some bent iron candle holders wrapped around them," everyone except Millicent goggled at him. "You wouldn't happen to have any ideas, would you, Miss Bullstrode?" Millicent's answer was lifting the giant, oak desk the Headmaster sat behind up over her head single handedly.

"Bloody, buggering hell!" Ron said loudly. Hermione was too busy gaping at Millicent to say anything.

"Millie turned into Wonder Woman!" Harry blurted out. Millicent lowered the desk, sitting back with a satisfied smirk on her face.

"They confronted me with the rest of the Slyth's of our year to 'teach me my place'," she explained. "The others bolted when I threw Crabbe with one arm. Which he was trying to pull off."

"Thank Merlin you're a hot witch with superpowers?" Harry teased.

"You can laugh, Speed-freak," Millie teased back. Hermione looked between the two.

"All in favour of this being more than a coincidence?" she said weakly.

It was unanimous.

* * *

_Two __weeks __after __the __explosion  
Headmaster's __Office_

"Severus Snape, after reviewing the information, including Veritaserum testimony from Millicent Bullstrode, is it the decision of the Board that your services here at Hogwarts are no longer required. We thank you for you years of good service and wish you luck in your future endeavours."

* * *

_Three __months __later  
Gryffindor __Common __Room_

It was a grim Harry that looked over the patterns delivered by Madam Malkin's owl. Once again, Hermione had come through, her brain figuring a good deal of how to create the material needed.

However, there had been more petrification, including Nearly Headless Nick and Colin Creevey. The morale in the castle was dipping lower. They needed a light.

"Maybe that's why..." Harry muttered, earning a look from Hermione. Harry looked at her, dropping one pattern on the table, one with a very familiar design. "Think she can do it in red?"

"Harry..."

"Things are getting too grim," Harry said. "And since we're lacking a Superman," he looked at the costume design with a deep breath. "Guess we're going to have to stick with a Flash."

* * *

_One __week __later  
Hogwarts __halls_

Draco Malfoy grinned at the Mudblood he and his henchthings had left tied up for the Creature. "Good luck, Muddy," he said evilly. "See you in the garden, maybe, after you get nice and petrified."

"Sorry, blondie, but I'll be taking the first year off the menu," a gale and a red blur filled the hall. Moments later, the girl was free and Draco and his cohorts were tied up and wandless. The Muggleborn girl looked at the red costume in shock. No freaking way. "But if the legends are true, then the creature shouldn't affect a group of upstanding purebloods like yourselves, right?" Draco went pale as the figure turned to the girl, who's eyes were now like soup bowls. Yellow belt, red suit, the little lightning bolt wings on the mask... "You okay?" and the chest symbol. No way was this happening.

"Y...You're the Flash?" the Flash smiled at her, nodding.

"Where can I take you miss?" he asked, handing her wand to her. She took it, standing slowly.

"Uh... Ravenclaw Tower. I..." he scooped her up with a smirk.

"Just give me direction, miss," he said as they vanished in a red blur. "I'll have you there in a jiffy."

Moments later, the Flash put the girl down at the entrance to Ravenclaw Tower. "You be alright from here?"

"Um... yes sir..." she whispered. "I... Is the rest of the Justice League here?"

"No, sorry, just li'l ol' me. You're not disappointed, are you?"

"No sir!" She said quickly. "Count me as one of your biggest fans... Um, which Flash are you?" the Crimson Speedster winked at her with a grin.

"I'm a new guy," he said before vanishing in a red blur. The girl looked on in awe.

"Whoa..."

* * *

Mere seconds later, the Flash vanished into an abandoned classroom on the third floor who's door vanished upon his entry. His hood was removed, revealing on Harry James Potter, grinning like a madman. "And that's Flash:1, Malfoy zero," Hermione looked at him admonishingly. "He was going to leave a First Year Ravenclaw for the beast."

"Oh," Hermoine said, nodding. "Well, that's alright then."

"I'm glad you approve, Oracle," Hermione gave him a whithering glare. "That's a no on Oracle then?"

"Do I really need a code name, Harry?" Hermione asked. "It's not like I'm going to be on the front lines."

"The Headmaster's going to work out some kind of communication rune, remember?" Harry said as Ron handed him a plate of food. "We need cover for you and Ron. Where's Millie?"

"Covering the other side of this side of the castle," Ron said. "Not everyone moves like a Nimbus 2001."

"Right, my bad," Harry said, scarfing the offered meal. "Kind of glad Snape's gone."

"Only kind of?" Ron asked in disbelief.

"Well, he wouldn't exactly had left the fact his Slyth's were being left tied up in the halls alone, would he?"

"Good point," Hermione nodded. "Is it really safe to leave them out there?"

"The monster only goes for 'impure' students," Harry said with a snort of disgust. "They'll be fine."

"If they're not?"

"Um... oops?"

"Harry!"

"Hermione!"

"Millie!" Millicent said as she walked in, much to the amusement of Ron. He was even more amused when the young Amazon crossed the room, grabbed Harry by the head and pulled him into a kiss. "Thank you! That was a memory I'm immortalizing in a pensieve."

"It... is?" Harry asked in a dazed, confused tone.

"Yes," Millie said. "The vision of Draco Malfoy begging me to help him 'before Slytherin's monster comes for him' is a sight I will never forget."

"Someone doesn't believe his own hype," Hermione snorted. "Not entirely a surprise in this circumstance."

"Yeah," Harry nodded. "Oh, by the way, Hermione, I thought of something while I was running around the castle."

"Oh?" Hermione asked. Harry looked grim again – whatever had come to mind had obviously concerned him.

"Static Shock. Bang Babies."

"Oh, Merlin's twisted pubes..."

"Hermione!" Ron and Millicent admonished mockingly.

"I hadn't thought of that!" She finished.

"Explanation for the muggle impaired?" Millie asked.

"There's a comic, Static Shock," Harry explained. "The main hero got his powers in a very similar situation to Millie and me: chemical explosion."

"So... their might be more?" Millicent asked.

"And not all of them will be as magnanimous with their abilities," Hermione said. Ron blinked, looking at her funny.

"Huh?"

"Not all of them will be heroes," Hermione clarified grimly.

"Oh..."


	19. Rider KITAAAA!

More Harry Potter! More insanity! More Kamen Rider! And yes, Snape gets it this time. No, i don't like his character, nor do i see him as a tragic hero. He had plenty of chances to get to know Harry or help him more openly. I also refuse to believe THAT is how one learns Occlumency. Snape is a prick who had a change of heart a the last possible moment, both times, and a serious conscience issue when it comes to Lily. Was James horrible to him? Yes. Was Snape the better man? Remind me again who made sure Sirius remained a fugitive out of some sense of revenge? Or was that for Harry's own good?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, or this would be canon.

* * *

_To __Madam __Pomfrey_

_If __you __receive __this __letter, __then __Hedwig __managed __to __make __it __out. __This __summer __has __been __a __particularly __bad __one __at __the __Dursley's. __I __think __Uncle __Vernon's __still __mad __over __my __rescue __by __the __Weasley's __last __year. __There's __been __more __work, __less __food __and __every __time __he __looks __at __me, __I __could __swear __I __could __see __his __veins __throbbing. __So __I __wrote __this __letter __and __left __it __hidden __in __a __tree __near __the __Dursleys. __If __you're __receiving __it, __then __Vernon __has __finally __snapped, __or __at __the __very __least, __Hedwig __believes __my __life __is __in __danger. __She's __the __smartest __owl __I've __heard __of, __so __I __trust __her __instinct __(even __if __she __is __a __bit __of __a __mother __hen). __I __hope __it __makes __it __to __you __in __time. __If __not, __well... __I __want __to __thank __you __for __everything __you've __done __and __want __you __to __pass __on __the __letters __hidden __under __my __mattress __at __Hogwarts __to __Ron __and __Hermione._

_Yours __Sincerely_

_Harry __Potter_

* * *

The letter fluttered to the ground as Poppy ran to the fireplace, a distraught Hedwig barking behind her as she opened the Floo connection. "Albus Dumbledore," she shouted, sticking her head in the green flames.

"Poppy, what...?"

"Albus, I just received a letter from Harry," she said. "An 'if I don't survive' letter."

"What?" Albus gasped. "I'm coming up, Poppy."

"Hurry, Albus, Hedwig looks about ready to fly back herself," Poppy pulled her head back and Albus appeared through the flames minutes later. She retrieved the letter and handed it to him.

"My word," Albus gasped. "Why didn't he tell us?"

"He's tried, Albus," Poppy said. "I've tried. I've told you he has signs of abuse, but you never listen. I..." her tirade was cut off as Minerva McGonagall and Severus Snape entered the room.

"Albus, what's going on?" Minerva asked. "The elf you sent said Harry may be in trouble."

"Yes, what has Prince Potter done this time?" Severus drawled as Albus handed Minerva the letter.

"I warned you!" she snarled as Severus took the parchment. "I told you they were the worst kind of muggles. You insisted, though!"

"Hmph," Severus snorted. "They probably refused to feed him ice cream. He's just looking for attention, again. Just like his..." Severus was cut off as Hedwig launched herself at him, talons digging into his face dangerously close to the eyes. "Get off me, you overgrown pidgeon," Hedwig barked angrily, tearing a piece of his ear off with her beak before launching out the window, heading back to Harry. Her wizard needed her and she wasn't going to waste time with humans if they were going to let that greasy snake bad mouth her Harry that way. Harry had other friends. She would go to them.

"Serves you right," Minerva snarled. "Poppy, I'm using your Floo. Albus, I'll meet you there," without another word, the head of Gryffindor House was gone, leaving Albus and Poppy to tend to Severus.

"You just couldn't keep your mouth shut," Poppy clucked her tongue, as she looked him over. "Nothing a few potion can't fix, though perhaps you'll refrain from saying such things in front of a person's Familiar from now on."

"Poppy, meet us at the Dursley's when you can," Albus said, giving Severus a disapproving glance before heading through the Floo. Poppy shook her head as she retrieved the required potions.

"I'll use that blasted owl for potions ingredients," Severus snarled.

"She wouldn't have attacked you if you hadn't attacked Harry," Poppy stated, laying the potions in front of him before heading for her bag. Severus snorted.

"It's nothing less that the brat deserves."

"I always wondered who you see when you look at Harry," Poppy stated. "Harry himself or his father, James."

"Is there a difference?" Severus sneered. Poppy just shook her head sadly as she headed for Arabella Figg's.

* * *

_Ten __Minutes __later  
4 __Privet __Drive  
The __Smallest __Bedroom_

Hurt.

Pain.

Sadness.

Hurt.

Shouting?

No, no more... not again... Not more hurt.

A bang. More shouting. Female this time. Horse face...? No, not as annoying. More shouting. The pig squealing in fear. Steps, more shouting...

_'Alohamora!'_

Door opening, gasps. He opened his eyes but couldn't see. Glasses...

"Here," the world moved into focus. Had he said that out loud? "Yes, Mr Potter, you're thinking out loud," the voice, warm, worried... Scottish... Professor McGonagall? "Yes, Harry. Hold on, the Headmaster and Madam Pomfrey are one their way," Hedwig made it. Good old Hedwig. "Yes, that is quite the owl you have there, Mr Potter," Hagrid knows how to choose owls. He should be in charge of getting Muggleborns their first pets. "I'll keep that in mind," amusement. Oops. Still thinking out loud. "Yes, you are. Still, if Hagrid was able to match you to Hedwig so easily, perhaps you have a point," yup. If he could move his fingers... or anything. "I'm so sorry, Mr Potter. I knew something like this would happen," Not the Professor's fault. Headmaster left him here. "Perhaps, but..."

"GET OUT! I WON'T HAVE MORE OF YOU FREAKS POLLUTING MY HOUSE!" Harry winced. Stupid walrus.

"An apt description, Mr Potter," damn. Latest beating must have broken his brain to mouth filter. "Latest beating?" Ah, crap. "Mr Potter, you may be barely concious and possibly delirious but you will watch your language.

"Yes, mum," Harry croaked out. Yes, he actually meant to say that out loud. Minerva chuckled.

"Scamp," she said fondly as Albus walked in, followed closely by Poppy and an enraged Vernon Dursley. Harry flinched at the sight of the man.

"Merlins saggy balls," Poppy breathed as she moved to his side. "What hurts, Mr Potter?"

"Wrong question," he rasped out. Poppy raised an eyebrow.

"And what, pray tell, is the right question?"

"What doesn't hurt? To which the answer is, my eyebrows," Poppy's other eyebrow joined it's mate. Minerva's lips twitched.

"Well, nice to see your sense of humour is still in one piece," Minerva said.

"I'd agree if I was joking," Harry said. Minerva stopped smiling. Albus's eyes were filled with a rarely seen rage as he turned to face Vernon.

"Mr Dursley," he said darkly. "I think we need to have a chat."

"I did what I had to to keep that freak in line," Vernon snarled. "You're the one that left him here."

"And I'm regretting that more every minute," Albus said as the two headed downstairs.

"Minerva, help me stabilise him," Poppy said. "We'll move him to..." a flutter of feathers and Hedwig landed beside them. "Great Merlin! How...?"

"Best... owl... ever," Harry mumbled as he slipped back into unconsciousness, much to the panic of a distraught Poppy Pomfrey.

* * *

_Hogwarts  
Hospital __Wing  
Two __days __later_

"Ow," Harry moaned as he regained conciousness. "Ow, ow, ow, ow..."

"Prek!"

"Hi, Hedwig," Harry murmured. "I owe you."

"Prek!"

"Yeah, yeah, doing your job. Still, you made good time."

"Prek!"

"Right, trade secrets. Show off."

"Prek!"

"Sometimes I wonder if you're part Phoenix," Hedwig preened with pride.

"Interesting conversation," Poppy said as she entered. "How long have you been able to understand her like that?"

"Nearly from the beginning," Harry told her as Poppy slid his glasses one. "What's the verdict, doc? Will I ever be able to play piano again?"

"Scamp," Poppy chuckled. "We got to you just in time. You should be grateful, that owl of yours must have broken some records."

"Best. Owl. Ever," Harry repeated with a grin. Hedwig just stood on his bed head happily, drinking from the bowl of water she'd been supplied with.

"And frighteningly over protective," Poppy said, shaking her head. "Severus will think twice before bad mouthing you in her presence again."

"Snape? What happened?"

"He made some comments inferring you were merely fishing for attention," Poppy said as she waved her wand over Harry, scanning him for damage. "Hedwig took offence."

"Prek!"

"'At least I didn't take his eye out'?" Harry said in awe.

"I had to regrow part of his ear," Poppy pointed out.

"I'm buying you something extra special, girl," Harry laughed.

"Mr Potter, I would ask you not to encourage your owl to attack my staff," Harry's face became neutral and Albus walked in.

"Then your staff shouldn't be attacking students, Headmaster," he said coolly. "Verbally or otherwise."

"Touche," Albus said with a nod. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm recovering from a beating, you?" Albus winced.

"A little guilty, actually," he admitted. "I'm sorry, Harry. I should have been paying more attention to what happened at the Dursley's. I didn't want to believe someone would treat family in such a way."

"I was never family to them," Harry said. "Just a nuisance they could use as a house elf."

"Prek!"

"And a punching bag," Albus noted the interaction.

"Interesting," he said, his twinkle beginning to build. "I didn't realise you'd made such a strong bond with Hedwig."

"Locked away with only Hedwig to keep me company, is that really so surprising?"

"One would think this 'beating' would have taught you some manners, Potter," Hedwig was near bristling, her beak clicking together angrily. "Control your flying rat. Potter, before I turn it into potions ingredients," Snape sneered. Harry's face went red with rage.

"Control your pet snake, Headmaster," Harry said in a matching tone. "Before Hedwig decides she's hungry again."

"PREK!" Hedwig looked ready to launch at him.

"Severus, that will do," Albus said forcefully. "One would think your last meeting with Hedwig would have taught you to curb your grudge," Severus glared at the owl in question. "I am curious though, Harry. How did Hedwig manage to get to Hogwarts and back so quickly?"

"Prek!"

"Help?" Harry asked. "What kind of help?"

"Prek!" *CRACK*

"You is calling Dobby, Missy Hedwig? Is Mister Harry Potter in troubles again?"

"Dobby!" Harry laughed. "Of course! Genius, both of you. Thank you, Dobby. You saved my life."

"More's the pity."

"PREK!" Before Hedwig could go airborne, however, Severus Snape went flying through the air and out the medical wing's door, said door slamming shut behind him.

"Mean old Snapey should be watching his mouth ," Dobby said angrily. "Mister Harry Potter is the kindest, bestest wizard in the whole wide worlds. Mean old Snapey wishes he was as great as Mister Harry Potter sir!"

"I'm starting to see a pattern here, Headmaster," Poppy said with some amusement.

"Oh?" Albus asked. Poppy nodded, eyeing Dobby and Hedwig.

"Harry seems to have a gift in befriending non-humans. No offence, you two."

"Dobby is not being offended," Dobby said. "Human beans is what is landing Mister Harry Potter sir in trouble all the times."

"PREK!"

"They have a point," Harry mused.

"As does Poppy," Albus nodded. "And I cannot apologise enough, Harry."

"I'm used to it," Harry said. "It'll probably get a lot worse when I make my way back."

"PREK!"

"Dobby is not allowing it!"

"I quite agree," Poppy said, giving Albus a searing glare as if daring him to argue.

"Oh there is no fear of that happening, Mr Potter," Albus nodded. "I've already taken the liberty of retrieving your trunk," Albus winced as he remembered Vernon shouting about how everything not 'freakish' in the room belonged to Dudley. He truly had failed Harry in a way he didn't think possible. "You will not be returning to the Dursleys. For the moment you will remain at Hogwarts, until I can come up with somewhere more suitable," it was probably safer for now anyway, what with Sirius Black escaping from jail.

"PREK!" Hedwig snapped out, followed by the clicking of her beak. Harry winced.

"Yeah, unless you want Snape waking up with a mouth full of owl droppings, Headmaster, or are prepared to check your lemon drops for the same, I think you may want to try something else," Poppy snorted loudly.

"Ah. Yes," Albus said, looking at the owl. "Not the forgiving sort is she?"

"Nope," Harry said with a fond smile.

"Dobby is thinking maybe Mister Harry Potter sir should be leavings the country for a while," Dobby said. "After all, Headmaster Dumblydoor is trying to be keeping this all hush-hush quietsie like, which is meanings it will be beings on the front page of the Daily Prophet by tomorrow."

"Unfortunately, Dobby has a point," the Headmaster nodded as the door finally flung itself open, revealing an enraged Snape with his wand pointed at said elf. "Severus, that will do!" Albus said sternly, causing Severus to almost drop his wand in shock. "If you continue to take your hatred of Harry's father out on Harry himself in the presence of those that care for him, you will continue to be punished and embarrassed. And I for one will not halt it."

"What? Headmaster..."

"Harry has done nothing, personally, to earn your ire," Albus continued unabated. "To this day I thought he had merely been over-exaggerating your dislike and prejudice against him. I see this is something else I've failed him in and I have, quite frankly, had enough of it," Snape looked like he'd swallowed something particularly foul. "Now, I will be going over Harry's classes with you and if I notice a pattern of prejudice and favouritism, I will be extending it to the other classes," the look became more sour. "I appreciate your work during the war, Severus, but if you continue to encourage the bullying behaviour prevalent in the current crop of Slytherin's, then I will have no choice but to search elsewhere for a Potions teacher, is this clear?"

"Perfectly, Headmaster," Severus spat, leaving the room in a huff. Harry blinked for a moment, before his eyes narrowed at the Headmaster.

"Saying I can leave the Dursleys, reprimanding Snape..."

"Professor Snape, Harry, for now, at least," Dumbledore corrected.

"Who are you and what have you done with Headmaster Dumbledore?" Harry finished. Albus visibly flinched.

"I suppose I deserved that."

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Yes sir, Headmaster Dumblydoor, sir."

"PREK!"

* * *

_One week later  
Tokyo, Japan_

"Now this is a holiday," Harry muttered, slipping his last course of Japanese Language lozenge into his mouth. With that, he was pretty much fluent in Japanese, which was pretty awesome. "Let's see, I have some books for Hermione, Quidditch magazines for Ron, pranking stuff for the Twins, Dragon Azalea for Neville, protection charm for Ginny, law books for Percy, cook books for Mrs Weasley, an old Famicon and games for Mr Weasley, sweets for the Headmaster, a Muggle medical book for Madam Pomfrey, a Kimono for Dobby, a book on Japanese Transfiguration techniques for Professor MacGongall and a truck load of stuff for me and Hedwig. I don't think I've ever bought this much, ever. Fun though."

"PREK!"

"No, I'm not buying an exploding cauldron for Dobby to switch with Snape's existing one, I'm not proving him right," Hedwig looked at him sulkily. "Yes, yes, I'm mean and nasty keeping your entertainment from happening. Here, have some sushi," he through one of the rolls at Hedwig who snapped it up greedily. "Cheeky bird," he said fondly, only to earn a slap upside the head. And not from Hedwig. "Ow!"

"Who are you calling a cheeky bird?" Harry turned to looked at a girl around his age in a local school uniform glaring at him.

"Um... my pet owl?" he said, pointing at Hedwig on a tree above him, who had fixed the girl with a searing glare. The girl looked suitably abashed.

"Oops."

"'Oops'?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow. "You nearly knock something loose and you say 'oops'?"

"I'm sorry, I..."

"I'm pretty sure there's a rule that says the pretty girl has to let the guy buy her lunch before she devolves to head slapping."

"Prek!"

"Eh?"

"See, even Hedwig agrees with me," he smiled.

"I... what? Why... Oh!" the girl glared. "You're as bad as Gentarou!"

"Would this Gentarou be happen to be devilishly handsome, charismatic and a really all around charming guy?" Harry asked innocently.

"No... Well... maybe charismatic."

"One for three? I can live with that," Harry said, still smiling. "Can I at least get a name before you hit me again?"

"Miu," she said, bowing slightly. Harry smiled, holding his hand out for a shake.

"Harry," he said as she shook his hand. He noticed a slight twitch like she was expecting him to do something else. Huh. "That's Hedwig. My loyal, adorable and over protective mother hen of an owl."

"Prek!"

"I've never seen someone with a pet owl before," Miu admitted.

"And probably never will again," Harry admitted with a smirk. "Have a seat?"

"Actually..." she was cut off by and explosion around the corner.

"What the bloody hell?" Harry gasped as Miu took off. _Towards_ the explosion. "Bloody, buggering... Hedwig, could you...?" The owl was already in the air and following Miu. "Best. Owl. Ever," Harry said with a proud smirk as he followed after them.

* * *

Miu skidded to a halt, letting out the Burgermeal she carried with her at all times, just in case of something like this.

The hassles of being the president of the Kamen Rider Club.

"Kengo, are you there?" Miu said, pointing the Burgermeal at her face. "If so, we have..." she looked up, checking to make sure. "Confirmed Zodiart sighting. Get Gentarou out here," she put the Foodroid on the ground before making sure people were clear. She couldn't do much against the Zodiart, she'd learned that lesson, but at least she could help get people clear.

Harry stopped at the corner, eyes wide as the odd... creature just started tearing the place up. "What the hell...?" He murmured as the... odd, human shaped creature with snake like features releasing smaller snake that either bit victims or exploded was started approaching Miu, who was clearing the people out of a cafe. "Crap crappity crapcrap. I hope 'attack by a Power Rangers reject' is covered in the Reasonable Restrictions law," he added, reaching for his wand. Only to be cut off by the arrival of a guy with gravity defying hair, jeans, a flame embossed black jacket, white shirt and sneakers on a white and black motorbike that looked like it was designed along side the Apollo space shuttle. Harry raced in right behind the guy, stopping near Miu. "Come on, we gotta get out of here."

"What are you...?" Both were cut off by several beeps coming from the guy that looked like he'd just walked out of an anime, posing with a fist clenched, hand across his body, other grabbing a handle sticking out of a rather bulky looking belt.

"What the...?"

**'3! 2! 1!'**

"HENSHIN!" The teen was covered with smoke, a strange tune playing. When it cleared...

"What the crap..." Harry said. The teen was now covered in white armour with large portions on the four arms and shins with a shape embosses on each and a cone shaped helmet.

"Uchu KITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (It's Space Time)"

"I... have no words..." Harry muttered.

"That's a regular reaction to Fourze," Miu smirked.

"Fourze?"

"Kamen Rider Fourze," the armoured figure announced. "Let's settle this one on one!"

"And I thought that guy off 'Naruto' was weird," Harry muttered as Fourze charged in. "You do this often?"

"Almost a daily basis," Miu confirmed. "You're taking this better than I thought."

"I've... seen weirder."

"Eh?" A second creature, this one wearing a coat or robe of some kind and a flying saucer shaped head with long antennae, walking purposefully towards Fourze.

"Well, I think the new guy's my cue," Harry said as the newcomer began to attack the helmeted teen. Harry looked around, seeing some tables and other non-bolted items and raised his wand. "That'll do. _Wingardiuam Leviosa!_" a swish and a flick and the table was floating. He directed it towards the new monster with a flick of his wand, following with several other pieces of furniture, distracting him from Fourze. "Eat it, ugly!" Harry shouted.

"Don't get in the... hm?" the saucer headed creature looked at him. "Interesting."

"Yeah, just keep finding me interesting," Harry muttered, using the levitation spell to through some more furniture at the creature.

"Enough!" Several balls of energy flew from it's staff, forcing Harry to dodge to one side, taking Miu with him.

"Let's see how good you are without that," Harry muttered. "_Expelliarmus!_" The spell shot out, sending the staff flying, along with a small black, gold and red and several silver, black and red devices, which landed next to it.

"What?" The creature uttered in shock. Harry just smirked, twirling his wand.

"Bring it, coat boy," he said confidently. The creature tched in annoyance, retreating to collect his things and that odd serpent thing before vanishing. Harry let out a sigh of relief as he pocketed his wand.

"What the hell was that?" Miu demanded as Fourze began to approach them. Before Harry could answer, the area was filled with a crack and two men dressed in traditional combat kimono appeared in front of them. "Eh?!"

"Maho-ho Shikko," Harry muttered as they approached. "Magical Law Enforcement. Bugger."


	20. An Old Friend

So, this ones been banging around my head for a while, originally connected to a Man YAHF crossover. Thought I'd slip it in here and let people decide on their likes and whatever.

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy (Joss Whedon and company) or Transformers (Hasbro, Paramount, numerous other people). I'm not making any kind of money. this was just driving me mad.

* * *

_I should have known this would happen eventually. I should have known he'd come for me. Of all the people I've met, of all the friends I've made, of all the people I've ever been able to count on, he's the one that has always had my back._

_When I spent time with dad after drowning at the hands of the Master, he was waiting in the drive way, as much as dad REALLY hated that. Or would have if he was there._

_When I ran away after sending Angel to hell, mom called him. He tracked me down in LA after taking care of Ken's slave pit and brought me back. He stayed, hiding on street corners, just to make sure I was safe._

_The gang never knew there were a hell of a lot more zombies that never made it to my house._

_The only reason I knew about Xander and his little zombie scenario was that my old friend was keeping an eye on him for me._

_When the Mayor followed on his Ascension, he and a few friends were in town as my plan 'B'._

_So many times he was there for me, whether I, or anyone else, knew it or not. I should have known..._

"Need a lift?" Buffy turned with a slight smile at the voice, smile brightening even further when she saw the owner, a sleek, futuristic orange car with flames painted over it's hood and sides, low to the ground with a large yellow fin-like spoiler at the back.

_I should have known that, when my 'friends' kicked me out, at the end of the world..._

"Always, from you, Hot Rod."

_I should have known he'd be the first one to find me._


	21. Rules of the Normanday

So, friend of mine and I were playing around a while ago and came up with this. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect. BioWare, EA, they own it, they make, like a bajillion dollars a minute out of it. Not me.

* * *

**From the Book of Sheperd (or 'The Rules of the Normandy')**

-Better a krogan at my side than a krogan in my face.

-If you're going to use Push, aim far a long drop.

-The words 'assuming direct control' should only be said if you require assistance in committing suicide.

-The only good turian is a tame one (yes, Garrus that means you)

-The only good asari is a naked one (yes, Liara that means you)

-You see a Reaper. I see a tin can that's acquired sentience.

-You see Cerberus, I see idiots who've lived too long.

-The Three laws of robotics have no meanig to Reapers (I tried)

-The Illusive Man will from this day forth be known as 'Sir Sparkly Eyes the Fabulous' as this is much more appropriate.

-Saren tried way too hard to sound threatrning.

-You haven't lived until you've ridden a thresher maw (Grunt, get to it'

-The laws of physics are for wimps.

-Citadel council does not exist for target practuces. This is why I had the Sparatus pinata made.

-Phantom swords make for acceptable battle trophies. Kai Leng's head is definitely acceptable.

-Do net attempt to eat Udina. His probably poisonous.

-This goes double fot Miranda.

-Addendum: Miranda is probably better in other means than as a meal. Be sure to explore possibilities at length.

-Skynet is not a suitable role model fot an AI.

-Neither is HAL 9000.

-Neither is KARR.

-EDI is banned from watching 20th century scifi involving insane AI. Seriously, Joker, just stop.

-EDI cannot create her own Terminators, and must refrain from trying.

-Miranda cannot rebuild you into Robocop. At best, you'd be the Sixs Billion Dollar Man. Stop asking, Joker.

-A Thanex enima is not an appropriate negoiation tool.

-Neither is an Executioner Pistol pressed against the crotch area acceptable in any circumstances.

-No, Garrus, nobody wants to watch you 'shine you Thanex cannon'.

-Addedum: I do! - Tali

-Addendum - Me too! - Ashley

-Addendum 2: You realize I have a video of you talking about how you'd like to share Garrus with me during that party, Tali? -Shepard.

-Addendum 3: You bitch... -Tali

-Addendum 4: I have video of you humping Samara's leg, Shepard. -Ashley

-Addendum 5: DIE, BITCH! -Shepard

-Ashley is no longer allowed to play with the assault rifles off mission.

-Addendum: I hate you... -_- - Ashley.

-No, Joker, you may no apply to have the Normandy on 'Pimp my Ride'. Our ride is pimp enough as is.

-No, Garrus, you may not have our guns modified by Red Jacket Firearms.

-Shepard, by Intergalactic Law of Badassery and Karma for Saving the Galaxy, is allowed to have a harem.

-No, Miranda, catsuits with cleavage window are not the height of fashion.

-Addendum: No matter how much they may make Shepard wisht o spirit you away for her harem.

-Addendum: No fair? Why does she get a harem? - Joker.

-Addendum: Because she saved the damn galaxy. The only thing you saved was the Normandy, once. And that's balanced out by you losing the first one. -Ashley

-Addendum: Besides. I don't share. - EDI.

-Sheperd is never allowed to drive ever again. - Jacob

-Addendum: Whether that be Mako, Hammerhead, OR Kodiak.

-Addendum: See if you get invited to the harem of nearly all women. - Sheperd.

-Addendum: Am I invited? - Garrus.

-Addendum: YES! - Tali

-Addendum: YES! - Ashley

-Addendum: YES! - Sheperd

-Addendum: JACKPOT! -Garrus

-Addendum: Can I join? -Kaidan

-Addendum: after strenuous examination and... quality testing, I decree Kaiden is in. - Sheperd.

-Citadel is not a party house. Sheperd is not allowed to take over the Council chamber as 'DJ Shep'. - Sparatus.

-She is not allowed to assassinate Sparatus. She is not allowed to prank Valern. She is DEFINITELY not allowed to seduce Tevos.

-Addendum: I don't know... should we throw our fellow Councillor to the she-wolf to spare ourselves Shepard's attentions, Valern? -Sparatus

-Addendum 2: I think so, yes. -Valern

-Addendum 3: Traitors! -Tevos

-Addendum 4: Come with me, Tevos. I promise to take good care of you... -Shepard

-Geth are not gaming consoles, Sheperd-Commander - Legion.

-Addendum: I saw your Shadow Broker files, Legion. You're a bigass gamer. - Sheperd

-Addendum: ...These are not the files you are looking for? - Legion

-Mass Relay's are not high tech Stargates. They do not takes us to Planet Canada.

-Stop calling our weapons requisitions officer "Sugar Daddy" and stop asking for your "explosive fix". It's making him nervous and creeps the rest of us out.

-Miranda is not Catwoman, despite her preferred dress.

-Addendum: even if she does look better in black - Kelly (Chambers)

-Addendum: how do YOU know? - Ashley

-Addendum: Patient confidentiality. Suffice it to say that Miranda Lawson is a naughty little kitty-cat. - Kelly

-Omnitool are not iPods.

-Addendum: Lies! - Joker

-Miranda is not a closet otaku, nor does she like to cosplay.

-Addendum: And what was that the last time I came into your room unannounced, then? - Sheperd

-Addendum: YOU SAW NOTHING. - Miranda

-Addendum: Mm mm, I distinctly saw the hem of a Sailor Moon cosplay outfit under that dressing gown. - Miranda

Addendum: And how do you know what that looks like? - Joker

Addendum: Um... I... erm... I KNOW NOTHING! - Sheperd

-Krogan's are not Sontarans.

-Addendum: What's a Sontaran? - Garrus

-Addendum: Cloned warrior baked potatoes. - Joker

-Addendum: o.O - Garrus

-There will be no disassembly of the Normandy's engines. Especially in flight.

-Addendum: AWWWWWWW! - Engineers.

-Addendum: Meany! - Tali

-Commander Sheperd is not a zombie.

-Nor is she a ghost.

-Nor is she a Terminator.

-Nor is she a Spartan.


End file.
